Seven Swans A-Swimming

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"Seven Swans A-Swimming", released on December 31, 2018,[1] is the seventh installment of the 12 Days of Hello Internet series. The series consists of twelve parts, released one day at a time from December 2018 to January 2019, that together serve as Hello Internet's fifth annual Christmas special and as its 116th overall episode.

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"Seven Swans A-Swimming" on the podcast YouTube channel

"2018 comes to a close."[1]


Countdown to the new year has begun in earnest now because it's new year's eve Mary new year's eve Mary new year's eve I don't know what dimension of Cuba on now, but I've got a lost track now hopefully I am in New York right now. Yes, you are Because it's new and I've flown over to see you Where did you fly from where are you and knees Eve? I took a drug flight from London I'm gonna be home except I'm not some fly out to see you in New York. Welcome here to the city that never sleeps It sounds suspiciously like your house still the the ambience sound and fully work around us still sounds a lot like Yeah, it's your home, but no, it's not it's New York on New Year's Eve. I know here have a hot dog. Oh Thank you so much. It's delicious. This is great so This pile of Christmas cards is not getting any smaller grey. No, it is not What do you go? Oh, I put that one in the list there because it looked vintage and antiquey It was even sent in like a special piece of plastic. I picked up the vintage looking one but Brady has immediately taken control of the situation No, I have no control over I just I'm a real sucker for vintage antique postcards like if I go to a second-hand store and stuff I could if my wife would let me spend probably Five hours in those boxes of old postcards just looking through them. I love looking at old postcards So someone sent this old CPA postcard and that's like a lake with a mountain in the background. Hello, Brady and Gray. I'm Magnus I'm writing to you from Northern Norway. We have a lot Scandinavian teams, don't we? We do Yeah, I was wondering if you two had any thoughts on my country. I Think Gray once mentioned he visited Anyways, I would like to say your show is the absolute best PS this postcard is a picture of my city Tromso in the early 1900s. I live in the valley across the water PPS Team rice rat That's a lovely lovely out 1900s Tromso. There's a lake and a big mountain in the background I love it. It looks very Norwegian. Have you been so thoughts on Norway? This is what we've been asked. I don't have any original thoughts except the same thoughts everyone else does which is it's Gorgeous. I've been a few times. It's beautiful, but I'm also Very biased towards Norwegian kind of beauty. I like cold. I like snow. I like mountains So it's everything I'm looking for. It's it's gorgeous. I think it's the only Scandinavian country. I haven't been to really Yeah, I must get there. I was gonna say you need to remedy that. I want to go to that trolls tongue thing where troll tongue or whatever Is where someone held a that beautiful picture spot where someone held a nylon gear flag It's one of the best nylon gear for pictures we've ever got. That was Norway wasn't it? Yeah, that was that was You must rectify it. You need to do a hot stop drop that trolls tongue Maybe maybe Dangerous place. You can tape it over the edge right on the other side. You can do something like that I'm going to Sweden again soon, but not Norway. You just pop over. That's right next door Yeah, just a quick pop over I can on that trip. I'm already all locked in but maybe I like that you you very seriously considering it I would see it. I would Ray does love his antique postcards was I can I can verify first hand from seeing them around in this house and As we said at the very start of the 12 days of hello internet Radio sometimes the gatekeeper for physical objects and I think antique postcards it helps catch the Brady eye if you're trying to slide on through the system Definitely it's a smart moose. It's one of the pro tip It's one of the few cases where a lack of color actually helps catch the eye so Speaking of which I must show you the golden hot stopper which is upstairs. It's here in the house. Oh my goodness I can't believe I'm next episode people. Okay. Yeah, cuz we're in New York right now. Yeah, yeah, we'll get back Get back to our new year's new year's day New year's day in the next episode of hello internet I am going to reveal to Gray the golden and we will and I will get his live reaction You can hear his reaction as he sees it for the first time if that doesn't make you listen to the next episode Nothing. Nothing nothing But for now let's make do with this pile of cows. What if oh I've got other pile of cards. Yeah, I got there Now it's kind of avoiding this one because it also has Flaky flag rebellion on it. Oh, yeah, so I saw this one in the pile But I'm trying to pick them up randomly and it's like it made its way into my hands But again the holiday spirit so it made its way through so Merry Christmas. We have Two grown up reindeer with their nail and gear holiday sweaters And one of them seems to have my hair and the other one has a glass of side up. Yes. They are us Niling-guess sweaters. So they're on brand. Yes. They are very much on brand and then there's rebel Rudolph who's wearing The flaggy flag sweater. Okay, let's open it up There we go. It must be it must have something good inside to have gotten through the flaggy flag filter. Oh Oh, I know what that is that's oh yeah, so we have a we have like the sketch that was made Yes, this Tim to create the postcard. So this team actually did the art and the Tim has included like Rough drafts and working sketches that went into its production and it says here that the one of you is obviously CGP Grained here And they've also put a little sketch note here saying in my mind Brady's eyes are always twinkling. So hence I think I'm supposed to have slightly twinkly eyes That's why you do you do have twinkly eyes? There's a little twinkle in the corner of my eye because my eyes are always twinkling apparently This is not true normally they're just very gray dead and have big bags under them but So this is Becca who this card is from Becca also has a real pro tip on here, which I like That the card is written out but the question is written in red so we can see it immediately as it has a very smart move Very smart move there. So the question is how do you feel about parents making good on holiday threats? Okay, so if you don't stop you're not gonna get your presence or If you don't eat or you're dinner you can't watch TV for a week. Right Or I guess it's like This is the elf on the shelf blackmail. Oh, yeah, you're being bad Santa's not going to come Yeah, right. How do you feel about parents making good on those threats? What's the worst punishment you ever got as a kid? Did you ever get threatened with a punishment that stuck like grounded for a month or like what was your crowning achievement of your childhood punishments? No, the problem much to my parents constant Bane is I was relatively unaffected by their punishments So they would take away things or I'd have to sit in the corner and I would just sort of sit there until it was or and it like My parents seem to be always annoyed that They weren't willing to go far enough with the punishment that would like actually really bother me And all of the standard punishments of take away his favorite toy and be like okay Well, I can't play with that one. So I'll play with my next favorite toy Like sit in the corner for a while. I was like okay. Well, I'll just think about some stuff until this is over So I've I have heard that for my entire life my parents frustration with being able to properly punish me as a kid So I don't I don't I feel like my childhood. I escaped Basically untouched by punishments. I'd sound like that is when we're willing to go hard enough like shot You really loved computer games in video games. Yeah, I got banned from the computer But I always felt like I just sort of dealt with it like okay. This is the way the world is now and I'll just wait the timer out so You look you look like you're unbelieving over there. I know for a guy who for the last four or five years We've been joking as a robot. How can I be shocked by this? But I still somehow am what about for you I was like, you know, how's pretty nobody and got punished a lot Got banned from TV a lot Things like that. What did you grow up in a smacking house holder on non-smacking house? I don't know this is such like a controversial subject these days, but you know like only a couple of occasions When I was a really little kid Yeah, it might have only been once but it was like I know my parents like I ran out into the road Okay, when I was just like I'm just a kid who's too young to understand anything and you see these parents who are like Now little Johnny let's explain as like he's two right? It doesn't like it barely understands your word. He's not a person so yeah But I would say essentially an unsmacking household you there was some smacking at which I didn't mind So that was that was sometimes a factor but the the punishment that I remember most was One of the chores that my sister and I had to do was clean the kitchen like you know Stack the dishes away and wipe down the surface and make sure the kitchen was clean at the end of the evening And we alternated there was a calendar on the wall and it had said my name my sister's name Not gonna be in every second day had like a b b b those were the days I had to do the kitchen And if it was done really poorly You would get extra days. I'd have to do the days of my sibling So that's pretty good. Yeah, that feels like that would be irritating But I remember like I was sloppy and not good at it and my mum I woman of high standards And my sister was really good at doing it But when I would do it, they would always still be crumbs on the surface and this was done wrong and that was done wrong and my mum would like Lose patients to the bigger that's it Brady You've got kitchen duty for a whole week now and she would go and replace my sister's name with bees on the calendar So I'd have to do it for a week But this problem then compounded because I was still bad at it Now there were seven opportunities for me to do it badly And she would come in like the first day into my week And there'd be another poor performance that's it Brady that's it another week My sister would that be smiling with joy And I think it got to a stage what I was doing the kitchen for the next 19 years Like day literally page after page of the calendar was just filling up with b b b b There's another b b b b in the whole calendar every day for that I probably still technically am on kitchen duty right now because the number of bees on that duty And that would break me that was like so destroying like you know Doing hard labor and then being told now you've got more hard labor I like the idea as well that you're living in filth while this is occurring It's like Brady has to clean the kitchen and the kitchen is never clean but he gets it's like oh He was clean go I wasn't going to bid till it was clean One of my favorite stories my dad tells because as you know, and I've made videos about the fact my dad was a soldier And he was in the Vietnam war He had a mishap one time when he was in a tent and he accidentally discharged his rifle And that's like seriously That's bad when that happens he was mortified He was cleaning it and he'd done something wrong with you know the gun in the barrel and it fired And it fired out of his tent into the next tent And these two other chaps were sitting in the tent and the bullet actually went between them and like hit a sandbag Like came within inches of Being really catastrophic So my dad was in serious trouble for that You can still tell how bad he feels about it when he tells the story and he was given The punishment for like when he when he's next a lot of leave came instead of getting to have leave He had to like I don't remember what it was like 12 hours a day or something just to fill sandbags And like build this wall of sandbags And it was really really hard labor. It was a real proper punishment And he tells the story about you know how he learned his lesson and he didn't do it again But then this little twinkle comes into his eye and he says I'll tell you what Brady I looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger at the end of those two or three weeks He says the muscles on me were unbelievable at my biceps and my I said I looked absolutely ripped after that punishment I looked amazing So there you go Punishments what was the question again? Well I was gonna say like we never really got around to it And I do have an answer right which is making good on holiday threats I think the big lesson with kids is Don't make threats. You're not willing to follow through on that totally undermines your ability to Extract behavior that you want from Making your holiday threats on kids. If you're making promises on behalf of Santa That you know is not going to be able to be fulfilled You just look like a fool and then your kid learns like oh whatever They're just threatening me all the time I think the much smarter play is the truth that you is the parent You do not know the mind of Santa you don't know what he's up to And Uncertainty can be much more frightening than certainty Well, I don't think Santa would look very kindly upon this behavior And maybe he really needs you to be much better to make up for this could play that in a way Where the uncertainty is more terrifying than the certainty of he's not coming and then he does Was this attitude true also when you're a school teacher like and having to wield Punishment and threat over students like you know what am I willing to do? What am I not willing to do? Yeah Another terrible lesson. I probably shouldn't mention but yes I learned let's say very quickly. I learned that One of the schools I worked for made it Very difficult for teachers to follow through on Punishments like detentions and things just obviously made it an enormous amount of work for a teacher to follow through on a threat And so I just stopped making any kind of threats at all But I genuinely think that was a way better policy did you use the uncertainty? I don't know if you're gonna get the detention Who knows what could happen if you do that? I did sometimes imply uncertainty But this is this is again where going back to my favorite Caesar Milan. I feel like I withdrew the threats But I learned management through personality of like I'm gonna try to keep the thing under control through personality But yeah, I made a very conscious decision at some point that I'm never going to be like if you keep that up You're going to get a detention because I knew I wasn't willing to go through all the paperwork required to make a detention happen So I just stopped and it was way better. No threats is better than threats that you don't fulfill All right, I feel like we should do one more quick card team sort of I got here very simple card here seasons greetings. Oh, it's beautiful. Very classic Dear doctor. I dear doctor party. How and I'd love to do the percentage of the views doctor Dear doctor Brady Harron. It should be 100% here's another thing that's happened a lot But not we haven't read it much first it says dear doctor Brady Harron CTP Gray and Audrey Lulu and mr Chompers a lot of mr. Chompers. Yeah, Audrey and Lulu are with us at the moment Are we in New York still here in New York? I see us here in here in New York, but yeah, but mr Chompers is not of course because he's back in London. He is Happy holidays from Delaware the first state in quotes Apparently that's that's Delaware's claim to fame is it that it's the first date? Will they first to sign something with they or they first on some list? I was immediately wondering like that sounds like a dubious claim You did you did to your dubious claim? Oh, that's what I said. It's a bit like the older twin Okay, sure you get to lower that over people for your 10 seconds of being sooner. Oh look what the question is We're gonna have to scrap this one great because it says what is your vision for retirement for your actual old age retirement again We're being asked about retirements. We must have put these cards in the in the pile separately Wishing you the best for 2019 your loyal Tim Derelein well, we've taught we seem to spend a lot of time talking about our retirement I don't think we can talk anymore. We can't talk about it anymore about our time We don't have an answer for this question because we've already answered it Yeah, but I do now have a note about investigating this claim of Delaware's being the first state I want to know the details of this that is the more pressing matter in this card I have to say Delaware have you ever been to Delaware if I have I don't remember really I may have driven through Delaware Isn't that the joke that Delaware is really boring like is that the one in wings world it might be I think it was yeah It's probably is I'm sorry Delaware. I can't see for certain if I've been there or not been there and sorry Derelein not only we're not answering your question We're besmirching your state that you obviously have a lot of pride in because you wrote the first state in quotation marks with a block exclamation mark next to it so yeah, but I am a big fan of your very beautiful minimalistic Christmas card It is a nice Christmas card. Where is Delaware? I don't I don't think I could point to Delaware in a map I'm assuming it's over. It's on the it's on the east coast. Yeah, it's on the east coast a little south of New York South of New York, but it's a little it's like tolling thin so it's just on the coast It's got lots of coastline lots of coastline. What's it's most famous city like what's in what city if they go? What's a capital? Delaware, tropical Delaware city I was sure you would know that. Can you name one city in Delaware? Yeah, I just did Can you name a real one? I did name a real one for you. All right That's interesting because I think if you as one of those guys who would be able to name like all the capitals The problem with the capitals is also it's always the one that you don't think it is But it's like the capitals are picked for these weird political reasons But no, I can't name any place in Delaware except at the most famous Delaware Tropolis As the city Okay, so I mean we do have mobile phones with us and we could look at that But I think it's more fun to not say it and just like drive people crazy Not knowing the capital of Delaware because we don't know what the capital of Delaware is people We don't know and we can't hear you saying it right now. You're saying it. We can't hear you saying it We don't know what it is. We don't know and I genuinely think These conversations they're more fun when you don't look at the phone, right? Is it like Surely listening to us flounder around knowing nothing about Delaware is way more interesting than if Brady picked up his phone and said oh the capital of Delaware is this and then you know that's just over. Do you know what the capital of Delaware is Tim? Do you know it? Are you saying it right now We can't hear you. We can't hear it. We don't know Brady don't tease the Tim's Tweet right the capital of Delaware Go right ahead. I can't hear you Since Brady mentioned it I have been thinking about how many birds there are in the 12 days of Christmas I don't know what the deal is with the birds But the author of the song clearly wanted to give a whole bunch of them But how many birds are there in total? I mean on the first day you get one present you get the partridge on the second day You're getting two turtle doves and the partridge again, I guess So that's three birds on the second day Plus the partridge you have on the first day, which is four birds in total On the third day you're getting the three french hens Plus the set of two turtle doves and the partridge from the previous day that you've already had plus the Previous previous days partridge by the fourth day you're going to have 20 birds 20 birds and four paratrees again if those are real things No one knows It's a pretty mathy song and in order to figure out how many total presents at the end You can do that with something called triangular numbers or also what's called a pascal's triangle where You can arrange dots in the increasing shape of a triangle and that gives you a visual way to figure out How many total presents you're going to get? How many birds and how many paratrees? Huh these triangle numbers that sounds like an interesting thing Where could I go and learn more about them you may be asking yourself Well the answer to that question is brilliant is an interactive learning site that helps you better understand math and science Listening to someone talk about triangular numbers is great as the first place to hear about the thing But on what they do that is so great is they help you Take math and science that you have learned and apply it to problem solving situations actively learning how to solve problems is a much better way to cement knowledge into your brain Than simply hearing about it then given that the new year is just around the corner Perhaps many of you would like to improve your math and science skills If you want to do that I highly recommend So you can go to slash hello and sign up there for free to get started mastering key ideas in math and science through problem solving Now they do have an annual premium subscription and when you use that link slash hello You will get 20% off that annual premium subscription and you will show your support for hello internet So once again, that's slash hello to get 20% off a year of brilliant premium and to get yourself started on a better you who knows more about math and science Well That's it That's the last little bit of hello internet in 2018 I know some of you want to know when the show is over you don't like the cold closes So This is me now telling you That the show is ending momentarily I don't think letting you know that the show is about to end is better But it is the holiday season So this is my gift to you those of you who desperately desperately want there to be an indication That the episode is over Hello internet uh the 2018 season and this particular episode ends Right now

References[edit | edit source]

  1. 1.0 1.1 "Seven Swans A-Swimming". Hello Internet. Retrieved 2 January 2018.