A Partridge in a Pear Tree

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"A Partridge in a Pear Tree", released on December 25, 2018,[1] is the first installment of the 12 Days of Hello Internet series. The series consists of twelve parts, released one day at a time from December 2018 to January 2019, that together serve as Hello Internet's fifth annual Christmas special and as its 116th overall episode.

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"A Partridge in a Pear Tree" on the podcast YouTube channel

"Merry Christmas to all!"[1]


Do you want to start, Gray, because this is kind of more your idea than mine. I don't want to take responsibility. I'm not going to say I don't want to take all the credit, but... If it goes well, I will take all the credit. If it goes poorly, I don't want to take any of the responsibility. First, Merry Christmas, Brady. Merry Christmas to you. Do you know something just occurred to me just then? Yeah. Do you remember a while ago? I told you about a dream I had where you were crushed underneath a Christmas tree and died in Harrods. Yes. Gray right now is sitting in my lounge room. Oh, damn it. He is sitting underneath my Christmas tree, which is not insubstantial, and which I might point out we've been having a few issues with it standing upright. And if that was to fall right now, I mean, that would fall on you. It would hit you. I'd only think you'd die, but... I mean, is that angel-at-top meat of metal or is it meat of cloth? That's the most dangerous part of it. Cloth. OK. All right, I feel reasonably safe then. But thank you, Brady. Before we're here, we're in person together. I always find it weird and uncomfortable. And thank you for immediately bringing up the idea that your dream might fall on me during the recording. That definitely makes this a smoother, easier process. Just one second. I'm just going to get my phone because if it does fall, I want to make sure I get a picture. OK. Good. Let's explain this idea that kind of has evolved between the two of us over time. Well, I didn't really have an idea. I just had a phrase in mind, which I sent to you. And the phrase was the 12 days of Hello Internet. Right. I didn't really have any idea what to do with it, but I found myself captivated by the idea of that Hello Internet. It's somewhat a regular show. Yes. It's a little bit random in its appearance. And I like the idea that for Christmas this year, there could be 12 regular days of little bite-sized Hello Internets. We couldn't possibly do 12 shows in a row because that's basically an entire year's worth of Hello Internet. But I thought, is there something that we can do where as a Christmas present to you, listeners, you know that you're going to get a little bit of Hello Internet for the 12 days of Christmas. It's 12 days of Hello Internet. Nice. So a lot of people seem to think the 12 days of Christmas leads up to Christmas day by this year. No. Common misconception. Common misconception. In fact, it's the famous common misconception. It's so famous for being wrong. I'm not sure that anyone that actually has the misconception anymore. Well, also, I think it's entirely the fault of Advent calendars, right? Or you like Advent calendars count down to Christmas. And yeah, 12 days of Christmas, I feel like I'm suddenly realizing I should know much more about those 12 days had I, but paid more attention in my Sunday school classes. But it's not. Christian thing isn't a 12 days of Christmas. You wouldn't learn that in Sunday school. Well, now I don't know. Maybe that's why I don't remember. I'm sure I remember everything that happened in those classes. But yeah, I just know that they exist and I know that they actually start on Christmas and then go from Christmas. Yeah. So you are listening to us now on Christmas day. And this is going to be the first of 12 little hello internet mini-sodes. What do we have to talk about on these mini-sodes, Brady? Well, this is where I came in because it was my job to engineer something to go with your turtle. And so I thought we should resurrect the post box, which we did. And we have had people send in Christmas cards to us. And I told the people, this was your big chance because obviously Gray has been on Project Cyclops. He's been off the Twitter. He's been off the reddit. He's been hard man to contact if you want to suggest ideas to him. So I said, if you send in a Christmas card, this is a chance. Gray may read it. I may read it. And we may discuss your question, your topic. We may discuss your card here on the show. So we've been to the post box just an hour or so ago. We've picked up a big batch of cards. We've been opening them for a little while now here with steak knives and things like that. We've been cutting them open and looking at them. Brady doesn't own letter openers. I didn't have a letter opener now. And we're going to chat about them. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to work our way through the pile of questions. And it's been very nice. I have to say opening up and getting all the Christmas cards as I'm not being surprised. I'm not a person who really likes getting Christmas cards. And for some reason this year, more than other years, I've been dodging people trying to trap me into the tit for tat game of let's start Christmas cards with each other. I don't know. This year has been a bad year where people are like, hey, can I get your address for Christmas? And I'm like, we don't need to do this. Right. It's like, it's okay. We're friends. Yeah. We don't need to get trapped in this forever. Yeah. But I have to say, it's very nice getting all these Christmas cards that are addressed to the both of us for Hello Internet and reading the nice things that people say. And seeing the great cards and as always, everybody's very funny. Like you put little jokes in it and some of them are very sweet and we have a pile of questions and we're going to sort of just grab some and talk about the Christmas cards. What's been your criteria as you opened each card and you looked at it, what decided whether or not it went into the big red bin of doom to your right or the pile of hope to your left? Because people could take this as advice for future years as well if they want to make it onto the pile of hope. What gets you in the bin? It is harder to write an interesting question than I think people think. Because I also do with this with like Q&A videos where people ask questions and it's like, how do you come up with an interesting question? And the Christmas cards are the same thing and it's hard to say what a good question is because you just know a good question when you see it. But a bad question. The only really hard rule I have is questions that are asking for what's your favorite or what's your least favorite are usually very hard questions to answer. Because they seem like they should be very easy but they actually aren't and if anyone is ever writing a question, I would suggest avoiding that of saying like, what is your favorite thing in this category or what is your least favorite thing in this category? Is it either just going to be like a quick answer? There's not much discussion or you get kind of stuck in your head thinking, oh, there's a bunch of books I like. What's my favorite book? Then you get stuck being like on the record with what your favorite book is and ends up in like the Wikipedia is like, oh, this is this person's favorite book, right? It's like, so those I would say are bad questions. Yeah. Do you have any advice? Having looked through a bunch of these? I mean, you know, things like making your handwriting legible and not having too much text, things like that. A piece of niche advice would be you have to remember like well over half of these will be opened by me. Grey has been opening and doing some of the vetting but I'm doing more of the vetting because I got some of them earlier. Putting in your question things that are going to like, the bruise my ego is not wise. So saying, here's my question and I really, to be honest, what I really want to know is what Grey thinks about this. If someone says that, like the chances of that going in the red bin increase astronomically. So like, even if you don't care what Brady thinks, like at least like making feel like part of it, like I really want to know what your favorite video game is. Okay, I don't play video games. That's fine. Grey does. But at least make me feel like I was part of the conversations. I know we did catch this as your chance to get access to Grey. So don't feel bad if you wrote in your card. I want to know what Grey thinks about X, Y or Z. But do know you probably ended up in the end because of it. Brady is the filter for all things physical. Right? So if anything ever comes up that's physical, Brady is totally the filter. But as you were talking, I just realized there were a couple that it didn't even fully register. But I opened the card and it was like, I have a sports ball question for Brady and I was like, oh, whatever. Boom. It works. That seems like a boring question. Sports ball. Who wants to hear a question about sports ball? Works, works, works both ways. I saw a card that said, I've got a question and I really want to hear Grey's answer to this. And then it was all these complicated sports things that you would know nothing about. And I was like, God, this is a double failure. You've asked a question that I was the one who should answer it and you've asked the wrong dude. Anyway, let's get into this pile because there's quite a big pile in front of us. We've only got 12 mini soads in which to get through some of them. Yeah. I think far more cards than we can get through in many episodes. So we need to get started. Who's going to go first? You put one out first. I'm going to randomly grab a card. What do you got? Would you say that's hot chocolate or would you say that's beer on the front there? I think that is a big Stein of beer with goggly eyes and a mustache. Yeah. What's in there? What does it say? Oh, there's five pounds in here, Brady. There's a five pound nugget there. There's a five. Okay, this is an excellent start for getting your card recognized. It's putting money in the car. It feels like I've just gotten a card from grandma, right? We're like, oh, have five pounds. We need to raid some of it for us. What's going on? Okay. To Brady and Gray, Mary Christmas, there isn't a Star Wars movie for you to review this year, which is also how we were thinking about what are we going to do for Christmas. So perfect. So please rank the 10 Star Wars films instead. My aunt's always sent me money in the Christmas card. So I felt the need to do the same for you. It's don't spend it all at once. Thanks, Mike in Wokingham. So it's like family tradition. My grandma used to always send me $10 from Tasmania for my birthday or Christmas. And that was the only time I would ever see a $10 and I caused me so much excitement, like money in a card. I mean, even you, there was a liquid delight on your face. Yeah. Well, that's because it is. It feels like something from grandma. I also enjoy that the note on one side in the queen, she has a speech bubble that has been added to her where she says swamp hen and on the back Winston Churchill is saying rice rat. So it's been defaced. It has been defaced, but I think it's great. Brilliant. No, are we going to rank those 10 Star Wars movies? I can't, I don't know if I can hold them in my head to do that. Here we can, we can work on this very clearly, right? Yeah. Because the original Holy Trilogy, obviously the best, those go at the top. Yeah. Frequals, obviously at the worst, they go at the bottom. Yeah. Within those two sets so far, which is the top and which is the bottom. Well, I mean, if I was going to rank the top three, the originals, I do change a little bit occasionally on that, but do you know what? I'd put them in the order they were released right now. Yes, that's just one, two, three. Yeah, new hope Empire Strikes Back Return of the Jedi. Like Empire Strikes Back is like better in many ways, but the original was just like so pure. It's such a pure piece of purity. It was well done, cracking story, well executed. I used to put Empire Strikes Back higher, but I'm going to put them in the order they were released, those three. What about you for the Holy Trinity? I'm going to go with the classic answer of Empire as the best, but I also, I think Return of the Jedi gets too much criticism. It does. Like, I really like it. I think I would put that as number two and the original Star Wars at the bottom of the top three. Love them all, but I think that's most of the time, how I feel about it. That's going on your Wikipedia page now. Oh god damn it. You've officially rated them. There'll be a subheading star wars classification. All right, let's go down to that wafel bottom three. Right, the wafel bottom three. The second one is the worst attack of the clans. Attack of the clans. That's the worst. And then probably the first one, Phantom Menace, and like the third one, which is terrible is the best of the terrible, just because it's got at least a little bit of something nastiness to it. I don't know. Here's the only way I can rank those movies. Phantom Menace is the best of the prequels, because I can remember it. I can remember the story. I know where it starts. I know what happens in the middle. I know what happens at the end. I could roughly reconstruct the plot of that movie. The other two prequels, I have no memory at all about it. I remember there was like a clone planet on the sea that was cool, and there was a lava fight that lasted 45 minutes. That's about all I can remember. I've got a rank. Phantom Menace is best of the worst, and the other two, I can't even rank. They might as well be one movie. So does that mean there are four others we have to write? What do we have left? We've got Solo. We've got Solo. We've got Force Awakens. We've got Star Wars on the beach, capturing the Death Star plans. Oh, yeah, Rogue One. Rogue One, thank you. Return of the... Last Jedi. Last Jedi, that's it. Yeah, last Jedi. All right, I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I'm going to go Force Awakens. Solo, Rogue One, last Jedi. I agree. I agree. All right, there you go. We've done it. Little... As long as you break it up, it's a doable task. This is totally turned into a... A Star Wars episode. Yeah, after it has, but there could not have been a more perfect first card than that. Well picked, and thank you for your card. And thanks for the five bucks. All right, Grae, I'm going to pull one from the pile now. I'm doing it again, sort of blind, lucky dip style. We do like your Foley work, yeah, for any... Get a Foley work. We've even got a Foley microphone here above the... Listen, as Brady is intentionally handling the card in a very clumsy way in front of the microphone. He's making a weird face, Foley does it. Yeah, sorry. I don't know, I don't know. That's his Foley face, I guess. We all have a Foley face. All right, what have I got here? This one's come from California. It's just very traditional card. We just... It's just a picture of candles and pine cones and holly and things. It's a Christmas still life. Yeah, that's because... Yeah, it is. Very old school. Inside, the first thing that strikes you is there's a cutering of a Christmas tree and either side of it is a robot grey and caveman Brady. And instead of a star atop of the tree, we have a nail and gear. Dear Dr. Brady Herron and CTP Grey, I'm Andre is a junior in high school in the US, California. Although I used to live in Bardom. I was wondering if the two of you could talk more about your experience in high school and what advice you would give to people who are currently in high school or secondary school. There's a little addendum. Grey, what if at all did become a teacher change your perspective on this whole thing? Yeah, so high school experience thumbs up, thumbs down. I mean, I think it's very simple. High school gets a big thumbs down. My advice is, which I told many of your students, just so you know, this is probably going to be the worst time of your life. And high school is like a little prison that we all have to go through and it's terrible. So if you're having a bad time, it's not you, it's the system. And my feelings on being a teacher changed nothing about that. I felt exactly the same way. The only thing that changed a little bit was my feelings on how accurately people remember the injustices that happened to them in high school. How do you make it? Where I think everybody has these stories of like a grave injustice that was done to them by the system, like by teachers. But actually having been a teacher, you see like it's filled with nothing but these minor moments that you can't help but when you're a student trapped in this system, like blow up and fume on all day long. And it's like I could see there were little moments where it's like, oh, Susie forgot her homework and I had to give her a dimaret. And she's like, oh, but there I had a reason. I was like, this is going to be a story you're telling when you're 30 about like the great injustice that happened when you were a kid. So I was like, keep it all in perspective. What about you Brady? I'm like the exact opposite. And like I look back at high school as like glory days. I look at it so fondly, you know, I had a very physically capable body. I was good at sport and I was like scoring goals at soccer and making runs at cricket. And I felt smart. And I was like getting good marks in my exams. And like I felt like the king of the world. And it wasn't until I finished high school and was released into the world and realized what a nobody I was. So it was like, it was almost like the opposite. Like I look back at high school through very like rose tinted glasses. And I think it was like it was good times. I still remember like injustices. They mainly happened to my other friends and we still joke about them and talk about them. And like, you know, I had all the usual frustrations of being a high school kid and, you know, having a crush on the girl and you can't get the girl. And all that sort of like, you know, the heartache and then torture of being a teenager and stuff. But generally, I look back at high school is like golden days. And I love sitting around with my friends and telling all our old war stories about the great things that happen in high school. It was all like sudden shine for me. I'm really glad I didn't say the other thing that I was going to say, which is, I'm so clearly right about high school that I am suspicious of all people who report that they had a great time in high school. And I never knew this about you. But it is a thing that I always, when I meet someone and they talk about how great high school was as an adult, I always give them a little bit of a squint eye around like, really? Really? So this is interesting about your radio. You know, I was like, I don't know, different schools call them different things, but you have like a head prefecture or a school kept and I know whatever it was. I was there. I got to do that role and I was in the school plays and I was like, this is the sports teams and like, I did quite well academically, like not like unbelievable, but like well enough. So it was like, it was just like good times. It was like, ah, this is good. You know, there are things I would certainly change. So what is your advice then for people who are in high school? I have no advice. And I do think it's luck at the draw because I obviously know loads of people who didn't like high school. My advice is be lucky. That is the best advice for all circumstances. Be lucky. I don't even think of many like horror stories. I have like, you know, bad memories as well, but I was so careless. It was so fine. I feel terrible. Everyone's going to think I'm really like entitled privilege. And I wasn't. I was just like a normal kid, but I went to quite a small school. Like I was so it was that helped, I guess, but it was all fine. I feel sorry for you now, right? Give you a hug. Please don't give me a hug. I won't give you a hug. I don't actually want a hug. All right. Anyway, what are you reckon? Is that what we think that's like mini-side there? That's a mini-side. Merry Christmas to everyone. Yes, Merry Christmas. And for once we can say with 85% certainty, we'll see you tomorrow on Voxing Day. Yeah, we haven't actually recorded or edited or done anything while we're talking now. So yes, with high but not 100% degree of probability, we'll see you again tomorrow. Merry Christmas and be lucky.

References[edit | edit source]

  1. 1.0 1.1 "A Partridge in a Pear Tree". Hello Internet. Retrieved 26 December 2018.