H.I. No. 32: YouTube Half-Assery

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"YouTube Half-Assery"
Hello Internet episode
Episode 32 on the podcast YouTube channel
Episode no.32
Presented by
Original release dateMarch 2, 2015 (2015-March-02)
Running time01:56:01
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"H.I. #32: YouTube Half-Assery" is the 32nd episode of Hello Internet, released on March 2, 2015.[1]

Official Description[edit | edit source]

After a very professional start Grey and Brady discuss the audience of Hello Internet, White House corner, secret restaurant menus, the entire history of Grey's microwaved coffee, a surprise for Brady, selling tickets for Darth Vader, The Wire HD, and, of course, YouTube Half-Assery.

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Show Notes[edit | edit source]


Fan Art
Like when people, when we're not recording, if people ever hear my voice and we're not recording, this is how I talk. And then as soon as I do the claps, you get this like silky smooth, awesome, whatever thing. We have a document, a shared document bursting with stuff to talk about. And I think we've pinned down who wrote most of them. There's only one or two there that I'm mysterious to us as to who wrote them. So we should crack on. Yeah, so I guess we should. Okay, I'll do the first one. Go on. So thanks for that, man. Thanks for that smooth hand over. Yeah, that was great. We are professional. Our first item of follow up, I am relieved to let everybody know that science says listening to podcasts and audio books in the car is not a distraction. The very study that I actually referenced last time that University of Utah study plus a bunch of other ones that people sent me all confirmed the same thing that basically listening to an audio book on average is not super distracting. Apparently, if you're Brady, it is distracting because his wife says so. So with always these things, you have to listen to your wife if she thinks you're driving terribly in the car. Maybe you should pay attention to her. But at least statistically speaking, the average person is not in a great deal of danger if they're listening to an audio book. This is according to the University of Utah study, is it? Yes, that's right. Did you read the whole thing? Like at the end, did it say this study was brought to you by audible.com? No, no, it did not. But I was happy to see that there were, it was not just this single study, but there were a number of studies that were confirming the same thing. They didn't give a mechanism as to why, but I'm still going to put down my guess as the theory that the no social obligation allows people to tune stuff out immediately as opposed to actually listening to another human being. But that is just me totally guessing. I have nothing to back that up except my gut feeling. But you apparently are not allowed to listen to podcasts and audio books in the car, Brady? Oh, no, I still do. I still do. Apparently my driving's just not as good. But like I said, my wife's always complaining about my driving, so. Oh, okay. So you're just a terrible driver. That's probably it. That's probably the take-home from all of this. We should get the University of Utah people under my driving next year. Oops, you hit the microphone there, I'm sorry. Lucky this podcast is free. Yes, lucky this free. Next item up, quick little thing. We also asked last time if there were any doctors in the audience to describe for us the knee reflex phenomenon, which you apparently only learned about when you were a grown-up or something. You were in a doctor's office when you were 25. The first time you had the knee reflex. I'm hard as nails, man. I don't need to go to doctors. Yes, that's right. You do love this hardest nails thing. You say it enough times, people, but they've... I will loop it in many, many times so people can run. You won't need to, I'll just keep signing it. I have a feeling that that is definitely the case. That this is not the last time I'm going to hear about you being hard as nails. Were there any doctors in the audience? There were many doctors in the audience, many doctors on Twitter, many doctors via email. It is a neurological test they're doing. It's not the reflex that they care about so much. Apparently, this is like the... What is it? The porridge and the three little bears. It has to be just right that if you have too little of a knee reflex or if you have too much of a knee reflex, they can indicate different neurological problems. So you can't cheat the test? If you sit there... Okay, now we have another question. If you sit there and you try not to, if you tense your leg, I bet it would still work. I bet the thing would still work because... The way you could cheat it though is you could predict. You could try and predict when you think you're going to get hit and do you kick early. I think that might be obvious to the doctor. If you start kicking before he actually hits you, I think... No, but if you time it so that you start you kick after the hit, like racing car drivers, just try to get it just right on the change of the lights. I don't know what you're talking about either. But yes, so I kind of know that nothing's changed then. Nothing's changed at all. But yes, anyway, it turns out that if you kick... Let me look at the notes that I have here. It's like, yeah, if you kick too much, it's a problem with your brain. If you kick not enough, it's a problem with your spine and the reflex stuff. As many people pointed out, the thing with reflexes also related to smashing coffee cups last time. That is interesting is that it doesn't actually go to your brain, which of course is why reflexes can be so automatic. Most of the time, if you throw something or you move reflexively, it is actually your spine that has relayed that message back and forth. Because you can't wait for that message to get all the way to your brain and back to prevent yourself from getting injured. Anyway, reflexes super fast and that's what the doctor wants for. Speaking of doctors in the audience, can I just bring something up that wasn't in our notes? So I just need to look for something and I'm just looking for it. Take your time. I'm just looking for it. Play like Gell from Impanina. Now I'm concentrating so much on singing the song that I... Here we go. A episode or two ago, I think I sort of jokingly said... It might have been last episode actually. I jokingly said that, you know, law makers and legislators listening to Hello Internet had responded to something Gray said and some throw away line. Anyway, I got this message on Reddit and I know you should trust nothing on Reddit. From someone saying, oh no, law makers do listen. And this person said, I work at the House of Congress in Washington. And they said, I listened to Hello Internet and I've got someone else here that listens to Hello Internet and quite often we're listening to Hello Internet in the cafeteria. So I sent that to you. Mm-hmm. And I can't find the original... The original message. I'm just trying to find the original message. I've got this full up here. I'm scrolling through my I message to try and find this image. Yeah, you'll find it before me. Yes, but as I'm scrolling to try and find it, there's only two things that I'm scrolling past. It's pictures of dogs. And then there's a picture of a pizza, right, or other food items. It's just dogs and food. And I'm on the I message from Brady. Find a message because I don't know how to work red it well enough to find the original. Hold on a second, I think I can pull it up here. Okay, I've got it here, let me. Let me reset it. So Grace, founder, you read what this person wrote or an abridged version? Oh, I can't. I can't live a bridge. That's asking for a lot. No, send it to me and I'll live a bridge. Okay, I'm sending it to you right now. Yeah. Now I have the beach ball. The beach ball spinning on my computer. Well, I message not to join the banwret wagon of people complaining about Apple because again, we know what I message has been horrifically buggy for me on the phone on my computer. It's very frustrating. I get big leg, big leg, big leg. Yeah, have you sent it for your ovens? Got it. No, because I'm just sitting here with the beach ball. Now my whole system is beach balling. Oh, I could have found it by now and I think the computer should play the girl for me but Neema whenever it beach balls. Here we go. All right, you summarize this. I can't. Oh, I can't live a bridge. I can't. I can't read and summarize it at the same time. I couldn't even read the thing from the doctor. I'd prepared to try to summarize. This person said that they're working at two of us in the Congress and they listen to the show and they said, I thought you'd like to know that everything from Lulu to Monkey Copyright has been heard in our cafeteria. You might make jokes about things but you do have listeners in places more than you could imagine, etc. Now, it was very nice flattering message. But because they said, well, we're listening to it in the Congress and stuff. I was like, oh, well, they're probably like, you know, staffers or maybe they're, you know, they work in the cafeteria or something. They could have some service job there or something. So I jokingly replied to this person, I'd, you know, do you will tremendous power there? And then this person replied, basically saying that they're a Congress person, like a member of the Congress. It is on the Reddit. I don't know how much you can trust this. Exactly. So this is what I don't know what to do. Like it seems quite genuine, but then I'm thinking red it's full of people who are silly billies and take on personas. But if this person, if you are listening and you are a member of the Congress, if you send a picture of yourself on the floor of Congress holding your iPhone with the Hello Internet logo showing on your overcast or your podcast player of choice, we will then believe that there is a congressman or congresswoman who is listening to Hello Internet. And that would be, that would be a little bit exciting. That would not. That would be a little bit exciting. See, I know it's probably fake. In fact, I know it's almost definitely fake. But, you know, this is, this is the fun of the internet, though. You never know what's real, what's not real. What's, you know, it's like the whole internet is filled with just pranksters. So maybe it's real, maybe it's not. And then the whole what happened is we will get a photo and then we'll be convinced it's been photoshopped or faked or we'll never know. We'll never know. You can tell from the pixels if it's been photoshopped. You can tell from the pixels. Do you think it's possible as a member of the Congress listening? I mean, are you asking, is it possible? Of course, it's possible. Well, of course, it's like technically possible. Well, that isn't that what you're asking me right now. Is it possible? Yes. But you know what I mean? It's entirely within the realm of possibility. It's possible that the president listens to Hello Internet. That it's, he has it set on his iPhone so that overcast sends him an announcement, the instant that what a new show is there and he listens right away. That's entirely possible. I don't think it's very likely. Yeah. Now you put the idea that the president's listening into my head. You have just these grandiose visions of how far your work in all its forms reaches. I think this is very interesting. I assure you I don't. I think you have celebrity issues. That's what I'm going to have. I assure you I don't. I assure you that no celebrities or important people consume anything that I create. Can we move on now to White House follow-up? Can we move on now to that? Yeah, that's speaking of the president. Yeah. So if you can click the link that is in the show notes, someone on the Reddit pointed out, which something I did not know, that the Resolute Desk is not the only White House desk. You might know this, I guess, because you're a big White House nerd. But I was interested to discover that there are six desks that have been used by presidents in the Oval Office. And of course Wikipedia conveniently has a link. Conveniently has a list of all the different desks. And yes, the Resolute Desk is the one that's used most recently. And the C&O desk was used least. I was just used by George H.W. Bush. Nobody's used it since then. It's only only one term for the C&O desk. But as the Resolute Desk, there's the Wilson desk, there's the Johnson desk, and there is the Teddy Roosevelt desk. Oh, and the Hoover desk looks like. And they have pictures of all of them. It's interesting to see. Yeah, I have to say, I said it in the last podcast that I like, you know, like my White House trivia. Since sort of, since saying that and delving into a few of these links, I realized I know nothing at all. Like, I have a lot of Wikipedia rabbit holes to go down over the next few weeks before I can. Yeah, there are Wikipedia just goes on forever. It's pretty interesting, isn't it, reading about these desks? And like a fire, like, was it an Oval Office fire? The first Oval Office constructed in 1909, rebuilt after 1929 fire, and demolished 1933 current Oval Office completed in 1934. Do you see that picture of the Theodore Roosevelt desk in the Taft Oval Office? Yes. Gosh, that Oval Office doesn't look pretty crappy, doesn't it? It looks like a very powerful grandma's office, I think, is the way I would describe it. No, it looks like a lobby in Alka 70s hotel or something. Yeah, it looks very grandma-y. The older desk has drawers everywhere. There's a person in keeping those drawers. That's what I would like to know. Maybe that's where he puts his podcast player for the next episode of Hello Internet. Yes, that's exactly right. That's what I should have realized, of course. Anyway, we'll put that link in the show notes so other people can go and have a look. They'll probably want to go and have a look now, just to put themselves out of their misery of listening to this. Well, I was going to say, I have one final point about this, which I was relieved to see this because I thought, oh, if I ever do find myself as president, I can just get my own desk. Then there can be the gray desk that future presidents will all want to use because it's awesome and functional. But I don't have to use the traditional president's desk. It looks like if you want to, you can just say, no, I'm going to get a new desk, like George H. W. Bush did. So... What would the gray desk have that, you know, could it have any special features that the others don't have? Could you describe what the gray desk would be like? Your fantasy desk. What's your fantasy desk look like? I wouldn't want any drawers. That's for sure. No drawers. No, I don't want any drawers. But the desk I'm sitting at right now doesn't have any drawers. What do I need drawers for? Where do you put pens and paper clips? What papers do I have to clip in this office? Where do you put all your old iPhones? I have a, there's like a electronics drawer that my wife and I have in the bedroom. Ah, you do have a drawer. Yeah, but do I need that in my office? Like, if I'm the president, do I need to keep, oh, my old iPhone 5, I need to have it in this, this junk drawer in my office at all times? No, of course not. Where do you put your USB keys? I don't have any USB keys anymore. I used to have USB keys, but not, not anymore. No need for those things. Where do you put your block of post-it notes? Are you going to ask me just about every office supply? You can possibly measure. I'm going to start looking through my drawer. Where do you put your double A batteries? Where do you put three decks of playing cards? I have neither post-it notes, nor three decks of playing cards. What are you doing with three decks of playing cards in your office within arms reached nonetheless? What is the circumstance? We're here sitting there thinking, you know what I need? Not one, not two, but three decks of playing cards. And I need them so accessible that I don't want to have to stand up to get them. You stay tuned to number file and you'll find out soon enough, my friend. Okay, so no drawers in the fantasy desk. So it's just basically a plank of wood between two like, trestles. Yeah, the desk I'm sitting at right now is just flat surface. No drawers, it goes down. Yeah, that's all it is. That's all it needs to be. I would also want it to be able to be a standing desk, which is something that I'm looking into for my current office now, that I haven't set up yet. But I used to have a standing desk. I don't anymore. And that is something I would like to get at some point. So I could have the very first presidential desk that you could press a button and it would convert into a standing desk. That'd be good. Get a little treadmill underneath it. I don't think you really buy into this kind of traditional authenticness of the White House, do you? But this is everything becomes traditional. I'm telling you, future presidents, they would say, oh, this standing desk with this treadmill is awesome. And they'd start using it and then in a hundred years it'd be traditional. All right. That's how traditions work. Somebody has to start the new ones. Your desk is nowhere near as impressive as I'd hoped. I thought you were going to tell me about little ideas to have little cable holders and USB things in here. And it would have like, you know, you know, what about secret compartments for maps and things? For maps and things. Yeah, I like that. I like that because... Where are you going to put your secret maps? Yeah, where do I keep my secret maps now? I don't even know. They're just somewhere in the house, I guess. You probably don't even have secret maps about the sounds of it. I don't have secret maps. Where do you keep your secret maps? You have your secret maps are in the cloud. I don't think I have any maps. How do I keep paying the microphone? I'm doing terrible today. I don't think I have any. I've got a design suggestion for your fantasy desk. It involves microphone placement. Yeah, that could be bad. I need something coming down from the ceiling maybe for the net for that. For the next place. Anyway, if you became president, would we keep doing the podcast? I like doing the podcast. That'd be awesome, man. It's all about opportunity cost. Everything is in relation to every other potential thing that you could be doing. But I like doing the podcast. Would you still be willing to do the podcast with me if I was president? Yeah, it'd be awesome. It'd be even more fun because you'd be able to tell me about all your secret maps. Yes, and then you could ask me about things that I've broken in the overlawful. Yes. You want to ask the actual president. There we go. I don't think you'd keep doing it though. I think if you became president, you'd probably just snub me. If I became, I mean, again, I would almost certainly just resign immediately if I found myself as president for some reason. I go, oh, forget this. This is a terrible job. Anyway, I wouldn't snub you, Brady. That'd be very mean. No, all right. Okay. What have we got next? McDonald's. I thought this would be something for you. Too right. I saw that. I clicked on the link before you even told me about it. That's how excited I was when I saw McDonald's in the show next. So do you want to describe then what this is? Because this screams to me, Brady Harron. Well, it was this thing called, it's this website called Hack of the Menu. And it says link to the secret McDonald's menu. And you click on it. And it's just got this list of things you could buy at McDonald's, like that you don't know about, like burgers and things. They all sort of, a lot of them seem like sort of extreme things that you would, that you'd see on, like, you know, those extreme eating YouTube channels and things like that. But are they real? I think some of them aren't real. I would like to issue a challenge to the listeners. So what I'm looking at right now is a picture of something called the Mick 1035, which apparently is a brunch sandwich item that McDonald makes during their brief change over window from the breakfast menu to the lunch menu. And it basically looks like an egg McMuffin that is also with two additional patties of beef and cheese in between every layer. I say it's the most difficult to obtain on the secret menu. Yes. And it looks both revolting and delicious. My initial reaction was, oh god, that's horrifying. And then I found it's like it whispers to me through the screen of, you know, this could be quite good. That should be the main picture on the Wikipedia page for heart attack. It really should be. It really should be. But so just as as moments ago, we have called for congressmen to send us photographs of them listening to hello internet on the congressional floor. I would love on Twitter if people can send us. If they are able to acquire, if it is real, if they are able to acquire a Mick 1035 and send us a picture of them eating it and listening to hello internet, I would like to see this. I don't know. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Here's the thing, if people can send us this picture, it's impressive either way. If they're able to, if it's not real and they were able to construct their own version of the Mick 1035, that is also impressive. I'll say some of these are just because there was one here called the Mick gang bang, which I didn't think could be real. And then I clicked on it and it basically just says order, you know, this one and this one, and put them together. Well, anyone can do that. Right. That's not secret menu. That's just, yeah, that's different. But there are restaurants that genuinely do the secret menu thing. I know, like the Starbucks one that is real that I tried once is the short drink size. I don't know if you're aware of this, but. No. So the, which I'm glad to know that this exists because it makes the whole Starbucks menu make way more sense. But the sizes are, it's, the small is a tall. Wait, I can't do this. I can't do this. Right, because it's tall, Grande venti. All right, is small medium large. And apparently, I've never seen them here, but in America, you can get a disgustingly large treinta, which is even bigger than the venti. It's like 30 fluid ounces of milk, apparently. America. America. But Starbucks has a secret item, which is called the short, which is about half the size of the tall, which makes the name tall suddenly make a lot more sense. Because to use tall as the shortest one, or to use, to use tall as the smallest one is crazy town. But if you know that they have a smaller one that is called the short, and then there's the tall, and then there's the Grande and vent, venti, that makes a lot more sense. That makes way more sense. Yeah. So I ordered it once just to see if it was real, because I heard about it on the internet. And they were slightly confused at Starbucks, but then some manager came over and said, oh, no, no, this guy, he did the secret handshake. You know, and he winked at me. Come out the back, sir. Yeah, that's exactly right. And there was a, there was a little tall sized cup. So anyway, it's fun to find another secret menus exist. But so I would not disbelieve the notion that a person could get a Mac 1035, and I want to see if people can do it, if it's real. Hello, internet. I'm excited to tell you today that we have a new sponsor, a company that I rely on, hover.com. Hover is the best way to buy and manage domain names. So if you want a website, you need to think of a name and you need a place to register that name for you. Hover is where you want to go. They take all of the hassle out of registering domain names within five minutes. You can pick a name, get it registered, have the whole thing up and running. Their website and the whole process is just clean and simple. I've tried a lot of domain name registers. Most of them are terrible and horrible to work with, and their companies that you don't even want to do business with. Hover is just the best by miles. Two things they do that I absolutely love. One, when you go to register your domain name, they don't try to upsell you on a whole bunch of other services that you don't need, which is something I definitely see with other companies. You try to sell you a whole bunch of bells and whistles that are just irrelevant. With Hover, it's like, nope, you're just getting a domain name. That's the end of it. The second thing that I love is that the stuff that should just come with a website, like who is privacy, is free. They don't charge you extra for that. Now, you may not know this if you've never purchased a website before, but when you go to buy one, you have to put in a whole bunch of information that's required by law, including your name and your address. Now, if you say you don't want your name and your address, public on the whole internet for anybody who looks at that website, most registers make you pay more money for that. But not Hover, it's just free. If they keep your information private, and it's thereby default, it's really a nice touch and shows that they're a great company. So, how much do I like Hover? I like them enough to have 34 domain names registered there. Yes, that's right. 34 domain names. I might have a little bit of a domain name problem, but every time I get some crazy idea for some website, like SaveTheUnionJack.com, which we mentioned on a previous show, I register it on Hover just in case I ever want to do something with that. If you have an idea for a website, you might want to run Hover is the place to register it. They make it as simple and easy as possible. They have a support team that is always available in case you need a hand and they have what they call their no-wait, no-hold, no transfer phone service. So, when you call a real live human being, is they're ready to help you. And if you're like me and don't exactly like making phone calls, they also have online tutorials and email support, which is what I have used on the occasions of how to ask them questions, and it's been very good. Now, the other thing about Hover is that they actually listen to the show, and they like to do things with the promo codes that you use. So, if you're going to register a domain name, go to Hover.com, and you can get 10% off your first purchase. But, and this is the promo code they're making me say, you have to use free booting at checkout. Yes, that's right. The promo code to get 10% off is free booting. It's not another word that I might want it to be, but you know, that's over now. That's done. So, free booting is what it's going to be. 10% off at Hover. I'd like to thank Hover for trying out our show to sponsor, and you should go check them out if you're thinking of registering any domain name, and don't forget to use the promo code free booting. So, speaking of coffee, we have to follow up on a few, on what, at least one thing to do. Now, this was, I blame myself for this, and I will explain myself if the opportunity arises. Okay. But you told the story last episode about you burning your hand in a tragic incident, and people can go and listen to it. Not tragic. It's not tragic. It's not tragic. They were all anyway. But it all centered around the fact you were microwaving your coffee in the morning, when things went wrong. And while many people were sympathetic and wished you the best with your injury, more people were wanting to know what the heck you were doing, microwaving coffee. Like what? Like someone who loves coffee as much as you purport to. Why would you microwave coffee? That seems a very sort of uncouth way to make your coffee. And I have to say, I probably would have asked you about it, and I should have asked you about it. Part of the thing was, I didn't actually process that you were microwaving the whole coffee. I just assumed that was how you boiled your water or something like that. But it seems you were actually microwaving the whole coffee and everything. Yes, it was the whole coffee that went on my hand. Well, you obviously have to explain this, because this is quite a shock. I don't understand why this is such a shock. But I got a boy and I hear about it from people about the coffee. It did not occur to me that this would be a point that people would find contentious. So I don't know. Even I do. And do you want to hear something interesting? In my entire life, I have never had a cup of coffee. What? I have never had a coffee in my life. Really? And even I think it's crazy that you microwaved your coffee. You've never had a cup of coffee. No. Not ever. Why not? Or how has this come to pass? Well, I intensely dislike the smell and taste of coffee. Okay, but you've tasted it then. I've touched it to my tongue just to be sure that the taste is as bad as the smell. And like, if I taste things that are coffee-flavored by mistake, like a coffee sweet or a coffee. Oh, that's gross. That's gross. Yeah, coffee ice cream is disgusting. Anything coffee, anything coffee like I don't like. And I just, yeah, I read it. Like if someone is in my car with a coffee, I quite dislike that. Like that smell of coffee in my car for an hour or two afterwards. This is very interesting. You are the... So you don't like the smell. Yeah. Huh. I do not like it. I think you have some kind of biological aversion to coffee then. Because you almost everyone I know likes the smell, but then doesn't like the taste of coffee. Right. It seems like it's universal agreement that coffee smells better than it tastes. Which even coffee people will agree on. That coffee smells better than it tastes. But you don't think it smells good at all. Well, I don't like the smell. Like, but what I do, I do appreciate that people love it. And I love... And I like that people take it really seriously and get all in connoisseur about it. And I really respect that. And I can... And I like the idea of coffee. I wish I liked coffee because I love the idea of having a coffee in the morning. But I just just like it too much. But... Yeah, I feel like this is really sad for you. Like your whole morning experience is greatly diminished. It's like you don't like the smell of flowers or something. I don't... I can't even think of an analogy here. But it's just like, oh, someone told me that flowers smell terrible to them. Just all flowers, I would think, oh, that's very sad for you. And this is how I feel about the coffee smell. I'm sorry, Brady. Well, I feel like this about millions of things about you. Every time we talk, something else comes up that makes me feel sorry for you. So... And... I feel like you go through your life missing out on all these cool things. So I'll go without my coffee. But... It's a happy person. But one... Yeah, I know, I know you are. And I'm happy too, not having coffee. But... But I have made coffee and I've seen people make coffee. And I know, you know, I know a fair bit about coffee just from living on planet Earth. Right. And one thing I know is that a good cup of coffee is not made in the microwave. Let's back up here because there was some confusion with the way I was telling the story. Where should we begin? Should we begin at the beginning how I came across coffee? Maybe that's how we started the story. A very good place to start. Okay. This story starts with the woman who would become my wife, who is now my wife, who is a total drug pusher when it comes to coffee. It's like she's getting a cut from the caffeine and coffee bean industries. Because she pushes coffee on absolutely everyone she comes in contact to, who doesn't already drink coffee. I could be a head nemesis. Yeah. You very well maybe. And I was one of her early case projects because... I mean, this is now 10 years ago, I guess. I just turned a ballpark it. I didn't really drink coffee and this was before I was in the professional world working as a teacher. Just an idiot hanging out in life. Not really doing anything in particular. But so my wife and I were traveling in America and we were in Las Vegas. She was starting her, oh, you need to get on coffee thing here. And I was opposed to it. I like the smell. I didn't like the taste. But she used what is the gateway drug for very many people to getting into coffee, which is Starbucks Frappuccinos, which are basically ice cream shakes. There's a Starbucks that is in the Luxor Hotel, which where we were staying, the big pyramid one. And so I had a Java chip Frappuccino there. And this was the gateway drug. I thought, oh, this isn't bad. And there's like little chunks of coffee beans in there. And from this, my wife kind of got me hooked on those and then eventually transitioned me into coffee. And so I've gone through like a whole bunch of phases and I'm in a new phase now. But I went to like lattes. For a while, I did drink instant coffee when I was a teacher, which people find absolutely horrifying. But you got to do what you got to do. You need coffee all day long and you need it right away. And you can't possibly have like roasting stuff in a school. But yeah, so I drank lattes and now I am drinking actual coffee coffee. So if we go into our kitchen, I was looking at it today and there are I think, depending on how you want to count it, four or five pieces of equipment that are related to coffee production that are there. So we have a drip coffee pot, we have a burgrinder. My wife also has one of those machines that has the little capsules that you put the capsule in and it makes the coffee. I don't know if you know about this. Yeah, I know that. You know, I forget the name for them. I can't remember. People will know. They always make me think of um, have you ever seen Robocop 2 Brady? I believe not. There's a drug in that movie which is sold in little capsules. It's called Nuke. And every time I see the little coffee capsules, it's just something about it reminds me of the Nuke drug that everybody is buying in tiny little capsules in Robocop 2. Anyway, Robocop 2 added to your moving list. But so we have a whole like all this coffee paraphernalia. And now I used to have like the routine was down very well, but then my wife introduced more equipment and it's like, oh, the coffee routine has to change. Like she introduces each piece very slowly because she knows I need to adapt over a long periods of time. Gosh, you weren't joking when you said you were going to start at the very beginning, were you? I've got this down and editing, I swear. But so I'm sure people will be laughing at. I'm sure all these coffee connoisseurs will be going, no, stop Moor. Give us the bonus DVD edition. I want to know everything. But yeah, so now lots of times when I make coffee, I find myself in the position that we have these this like vacuum container for the beans and then I put it through the burgrinder. And particularly like the burgrinder because it's really loud. And I feel like first thing in like it's six in the morning, I'm trying to make a cup of coffee. I can't deal with the burgrinder that early, but apparently now I have to use it over making coffee. And then of course the the drip coffee machine and we have like pots of coffee. So we make actual real coffee and when the hand story occurred last time, this is where people do get slightly horrified that we have like gone through the process of making real coffee and had drank real coffee earlier in the day. And then I was coming to a pot of coffee that was sitting there that I needed to heat up because it had just been sitting there for a while. So you could have just said I was reheating like nice coffee in the microwave. You probably didn't need the luck sort of part of the story. No, all of the all of the story was absolutely necessary. Don't worry, I love the details. You think we'll cut out all of this. No, don't you dare. Don't you dare. I want people to know how hard you went on that story. I don't want people thinking you just glossed over like Mr. Kuhl. I want people to know that you agonized over this and told your life story leading up to the moment you reheated some coffee. I also feel that the length of that story was proportional to the number of emails I received from horrified people. I'm worried that I had made instant coffee. I didn't think you had made instant coffee but I still think microwaving just doesn't seem right to me. It seems, I don't know, it still seems wrong. There's another point to this, which is that for me, coffee is a very important part of my workflow and the routine of working and just kind of getting stuff done. And precisely because of that, slightly working against my wife a little bit, I have resisted becoming a very fussy coffee person. I don't want to get too fussy about the coffees because I feel I also need just to be able to drink coffee anywhere in the world. I have a threshold which is basically Starbucks filter coffee. I need to be able to drink that and I can't get fussy to the point where I become one of these people who won't drink Starbucks filter coffee. If I reach that stage, then I'm really in trouble. So I intentionally kind of don't get super into coffee even though people might think I would be the kind of person who would be. Well, I'm surprised you need coffee at all because you like everything I know about you. You're all about kind of redundancies and safety and mechanisms and things and making sure everything is safe and works. And making yourself dependent on a drug seems to go against the CGP Grey I know who would never want himself to be dependent on anything. You're all about what you're like. You don't want to be dependent on one platform or one thing and this or one thing and that. And here you are just making yourself a slave to this drink that you can't work with out. Yes, this is true. I agree that that is the in theory me but everybody has vices. This is my vice. This is my somewhat addicted behavior is the coffee. I got but I totally acknowledge that in a perfect world, I wouldn't be drinking coffee but I just really like it and I just think it also makes the whole work routine just kind of nicer in a way that's hard to quantify even if I am I will admit totally addicted to coffee. And a day, a morning where something goes wrong with the coffee production is really bad. I mean, luckily by the time that that coffee story occurred from last time, I had already ingested you know, one cup of coffee. So things were great but it would have really been a disastrous day if that was supposed to be my first cup of coffee and then I had to go to the hospital without any. I probably would have stopped at Starbucks on my way. I'm actually I'm pretty sure I would have done that. I would have stopped at Starbucks on the way. I'm like, okay, listen, I need to filter coffee to go and now I'm going to sit in the A&E and hold the Starbucks in one hand as I tell the doctor that I burn my other hand with coffee. That's what I would have done. That's how that would have worked. When you tell the doctor what happened, you know, this sort of super heating thing. What did they say by the way? Did they like say, oh, yeah, it happens all the time or oh, you're poor thing or you idiot, you should have been more careful. No, the dude just seemed totally non-plus like this happens all the time. I mean, that's just the way it is with doctors. Like I said, we've been there a couple times before with relatively serious stuff and there was like, oh yeah, you know, we see 20 of these a day. You know, it's like, oh, this is a horrifying moment in our lives. It's a terrifying moment. It's like, ah, whatever, you know, you're my third and it's not yet lunch. That's what that's what it's like for doctors. So anyway, coffee, you need to be able to drink it anywhere in the world. I don't want to get too fussy about it. But unfortunately, I do recognize how good, good coffee can be, which is something I kind of tried to avoid for a while. But so now I can be like, oh, yeah, that's, you know, Jamaican blue or Kona coffee. I can definitely taste the difference, especially now that I don't drink coffee with sugar in it or anything. So I can really notice it. And I think over this is getting a little too close to being a coffee snob. Yeah, you got to stay off the good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We're cracking through the follow-up here. Are we? No, we're not at all. This is not. Oh, God. When a follow-up item involves you telling the story of how your wife introduced you to coffee, you know, we're in trouble. I know. We have to, you know what we have to do. We have to, we have to eventually get to the the the YouTube thing, which you tease last time. And so now I find we have to like rush through stuff because we're chained to that because of you saying we're going to do it next time. So we have to do that. Well, since when do we do what we say? We're going to do it. We told people we were going to review Black Mirror one episode and then we just didn't. We did it one after. Yeah. And that wasn't good either. That wasn't good either. People were angry. People didn't like it. I didn't get it. I didn't hear a lot of anger on that one. It each, each angry comment burns deep when people are expecting something. No, so we'll skip over that. We'll skip over one. What's this next thing? Very minor. What do you go? Oh, okay. So I have something, I have something exciting for you. You're right. I have plain crash corner. You can't do plain crash corner. I am doing plain crash corner. That's my thing. Come up with your own corner. I've found something for plain crash corner and I wanted to bring it up. You see, I thought you'd be excited and you're just disappointed. Okay, fine. We won't do plain crash corner. No, come on. Get me with your plain crash. No, no. I thought you'd be really happy and you're not really happy. You're disappointed. I was joking. I am happy. Although I did say we weren't going to do plain crash corner this week because we went so hard last week that I felt bad for all those people who listened to us on flights. Yeah, we did go a little too hard. You made my wife all nervous. We have some flights coming up and she's like, oh, I shouldn't have listened to that plain crash corner. I'm part of that makes me feel bad. But part of me feels a little bit warm that your wife was listening to plain crash corner. It's like I'm sharing the love. Yeah, she listens to the podcast. She was listening to it literally right before I was recording this. I just play my wife bits of the podcast that I think she might like and she gets angry when I blow them. Yeah, so it doesn't go over well. Yeah, like something will happen and I'll be like, oh, you should listen to part of the podcast. We talked about that and she's like, no. And then I play it and she's like, yeah. And your wife listens to the whole episode, even plain crash corner. Yeah, she feels the episode is too far apart and she gets on my case. She keeps going, when are you going to make another episode? So she's really, she really wants them. But she can talk to you anytime she wants. She can do your Hollywood internet live. She can, but she also, as we were just discussing before I got on the microphone now, she often finds herself sympathizing with you, Brady. And listening to she, I think she enjoys or has sympathy for listening to you sometimes deal with me in particular ways. And so she's like, oh, yeah, no, Brady, that is really frustrating. Brady's frustrated with you here. I would be frustrated with you there as well. So I think I think that's why she likes listening. She feels my pain. Come on, then. Grace playing crash corner. Let's have it. Anyway, no, no, this is this is this is just follow. The plain crash corner is still yours. This is not my plain crash corner. This is probably the only time we might do this podcast for a hundred years. And I will never have anything to bring up in plain crash corner. But I'll send it to you on iMessage now. Wow. And you've been holding this back to this is like a little Christmas present. Yeah, it kind of is. Not really. It's, this is the kind of plain crash corner that I would send you. When you see it, you'll see what I mean. Okay, let's come to my phone and not like a computer. But anyway, oh, we gotta fix this. No, it will come to my computer, but like in about five minutes. It's not my fault. Okay, you have sent me. This is very on solo. Would it help if I got it and pushed? You have sent me a pie chart. Yes, this is my plain crash corner is this pie chart, which seems to show I'm assuming that's fatalities, isn't it? Yes, I found this on the data is beautiful subreddit. Now I thought this was interesting. This is all aircraft fatalities in 2014. And the thing that I think is really interesting about this is the two Malaysian airline flights, which you have spoken about endlessly, endlessly on plain crash corner. Those two flights made up 44% of all of the plain crash fatalities in all of 2014. Well, that just justifies the amount of time I gave them on plain crash corner. Does it? I'm not sure that it does. Perhaps it does. plain crash corner does still seem a little little long to me sometimes. However, however, I didn't even want to do it this way. Can you do it? I don't know what you were talking about. But I'm bringing it up because I feel like this pie chart is a nice reminder, a nice visual reminder of how safe airline travel actually is. That by the way, that thing just came through on my computer now. That's the lag I'm dealing with here. Great. Thank you for that. That's a glad. Continue. Thank you. I'm just, you know, that we don't have to be your professional. I want, you know, people should know how this podcast unfolds. There's no there's no vanishing this man. This is how it is. What's an old? If we have any, if we have any problems with the perception of this podcast, it is that it is too professional. So you are right. It is good to make sure that people can hear all of the little things that we deal with when, when trying to talk to each other over computers. That we really, really, we really struggle. Like we have to insert all these problems falsely, otherwise we're just too damn professional. Yes, that's, that is not all the case. Your pie chart, you were saying your pie chart, Hyla, you were going to say basically playing crushers are no big deal and flying is very safe and let's all have a group hug. But not the last part. No, not the group hug. But the rest of it is, yeah, because it's something like 1100, 1200 fatalities over the course of 2014. And then the two Malaysian flights together are about 530, 40. I'm on board. I'm on board. Between now when we're recording this and when people listen to this podcast, I will have been on three long haul flights. So it's not like I'm, you know, cowering from flying as a result of my interest in playing crushers. I'd great safe. I know that you are not cowering, but I like to look at this pie chart and reassure myself for the flights that I have planned in the future. Oh right. Clean travel, relatively safe. Do you want to talk about where you're going? I don't even remember where you're going exactly. I'm going to Dubai for a holiday. Oh yeah. And then I'm going to go in America. Go in America for more number file over it. Oh, so you're going to San Francisco. I am going to Berkeley. Right. Right. The spiritual home of a number file. Yep. If I, if one of those planes crashes and I don't come out the other side, right? We used to put this podcast up. Yeah. Yeah. You will. Well, I mean, now that you've said this, I'm not sure I want you to. Do you want me to not put this up in case you die? We should talk about this at some point. What's our policy on the podcast if one of us dies? What do you mean? What do you mean? What's what are we discussing here? Well, we're recording this say. Right. What if one of us dies, you know, before, because we're recording this one quite far in advance. Yes. That's true. Yeah. The listeners are unaware of what we are recording. There's what like two days after we put up the other one. Yeah. Precisely because you're going to be flying. Yes. All over the world. So we need to have like an agreement in place. If one of us dies, what happens with the podcast? Like the last one recorded. Yeah. It's really easy because if I die, well, I have all the files. Now that I've got audio hijack, I could, I could put out our last recording. Because you've got such a cult following, like that could actually be worth something. Couldn't it, you know, grace, grace, tragic last recording. Do we have a cult following? That doesn't mean that. I could sell it. I could make money out of it. Okay. Look, if you sell it, you have to give my share of the proceeds to my wife if I have died. Okay. And if my wife and I have died on a plane together, then my family. Okay. I think that's pushing it a bit. I think if you've both gone, I can probably keep the proceeds. I don't think I don't know about your family. I don't know. I guess it depends how much I make from it. Okay. I guess I do like the sound of your parents because they like me. So I'll give them your half. Right. Right. But yeah, I guess it didn't really occur to me. But if you had, if you die between when we put up a or between the podcast supposed to go up, I'm not, you don't want me to put it up. Is that what you're telling me? Is that what you're saying? You don't want you to find words. Especially now that we're discussing it. Now that we're discussing like it seems the very fact that we're discussing it is the reason that it should go up. Like how creepy will this be? People will be so creeped out. That's not a good thing you realize. Well, I will again remind you that at some point, well, probably both of us will be dead. And people in the future might be listening. She's always creepy to think about. I don't like thinking about that. Yeah. That's not that's not that's not that's not talk about that. About the fact that you're going to die. At some point or that people will be listening to you. This, this moment right now we're alive as a recording it won't be someday. Someone might be listening. Peep, peep, peep people. Anyway, I'm going to put it up if you die on the plane. That's fine. It's all good. Like we've already sold the advertising space. Speaking of which, we'd like to thank Linda.com for their support of this podcast. Learn something new at Linda with a free 10 day trial. That's Linda L Y N D A with a Y not N I Linda.com is used by millions of people around the world and has over 3000 courses on topics like web development, photography, visual design, business and of course software training on things like Excel, WordPress, Photoshop, you name it. Linda have probably got it. It's courses are taught by experts and new ones are being added to the site every week. Now you can sign on for a free 10 day trial today. Go to Linda.com slash hello internet. You get unlimited access to every course they've got and you can watch these on your tablet, your iPhone, Android on your computer, of course. My first experience with Linda was actually sitting next to a friend at an ad agency in London. And this friend, he's a crash hot graphic designer and editor, but he suddenly stumbled over something he didn't know how to do. And within seconds, he'd found a Linda video which showed him exactly what he needed. He didn't have to sit through like a whole lesson or a course or anything like that. He just was straight to that little nugget he needed. I think that's one of the really useful things about Linda. You might not hear so often that ability just to get those little snippets. So even if you think you know plenty of stuff, Linda might still be handy. As I said, sign on for a free 10 day trial. Try before you buy Linda.com slash hello internet and go for a binge on knowledge taken as much as you can. And if you like it and I think there's a chance you will, you can of course then sign on for longer. Regardless, thank you so much to Linda.com for their support of our podcast. Okay. Yeah. We hear it from beyond. At some point, we are going to be dead. So here we are from Beyond the Grave. And speaking of things that are dark and morbid, another thing that will have happened since we recorded, right? Is you will have released the latest hello internet animated by our friend Dovsky. Yep. And I did have a sneaky preview of it thanks to you because he has sent it to us already. Right. And I love his work, but he certainly looks at things differently. I don't understand that you're dark and morbid comments. I don't see that at all. Well, not morbid, but he does put like a twist to take on things for people who haven't said, if you've never, the reason they are bringing this up is for people who have never seen these things. There's this animator called Dovsky who's very clever and he takes one or two minute little sections of the podcast and creates these animations to them. And I think five of them are already on our YouTube channel on the hello internet YouTube channel. And now there will be a sixth one, which is his his longest that comes in and at a bumper two minutes. And it is his longest. And it has taken him the longest. And when you see it, you can definitely see why. Yeah. He spent a lot of time on this one. And I think it came out amazing. So anyway, if you do like the podcast and you're listening this far, so you probably do, they're definitely worth a look because he certainly puts things in a new context and they're good fun. Yeah. They're good fun. You think they're a good way to introduce people to the podcast, don't you? This is a perennial problem that we have is. And I see it online when people talk about the podcast. It's always the same. And people say, oh, I listened to this podcast. I really like it. But it's very hard to explain to somebody else why they should listen to it. It's it's very I mean, we have the joke that you know, we dominate the two dudes talking category. It does not actually exist. But it's very hard to say to another person why they might want to listen to this podcast because it doesn't it doesn't fit a topic. And you can't say, oh, it's not about anything in particular. So my my feeling is that when people try to introduce somebody else to the podcast, those docky animations are probably the best way to do it because you can get some sense of of who we are and and think like, oh, I like this little animation. Maybe I'll listen to the whole thing. Yeah. So I think they're like a they're like a nice little maybe trailer. Yeah, maybe, maybe from a movie that's way longer and boring or and in a slightly different kind of tone and context. But yeah, I guess they like a movie trailer. You're saying it's more like a way of tricking people into listening by promising them that's one thing and then it's something completely different. It's a way to get them started. I think it's the way to put it. All right. But it might be partly a trick. He makes us he makes us look way funnier than we actually are. No, definitely. Yeah. Well, he makes us look mildly funny, which is quite an achievement in itself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're not funny at all because we've been talking about our own mortality for the last 20 minutes. Yeah. Basically. Yeah. So the last two days for me have actually been dominated by Hello Internet business. Oh, yes. Yes. You've been very busy. I thought I'd tell people a bit about what happened just because partly because I've got nothing else to talk about. But also it does involve Hello Internet and and also maybe you'll have some import or people will have things to say about it. Now, it's going to come across as a bit of a humble brag at times. Just before you all start giving me hashtag humble brag, I'm just letting you know I'm aware of it. Anyway, we released our small number of tickets for this event we've been talking about for a month or two now where people can come and watch Star Wars at Bristol Zoo with you, me and David Praels who played Darth Vader in Star Wars. I bid and one in an auction on the right to watch Star Wars with David Praels at a charity event a few months back and it was supposed to just be for me and a handful of friends. But I spoke to the zoo and I spoke to David and said could we turn it into this Hello Internet thing? They both agreed because it was a chance to raise more money for penguins, the pit the zoo's penguin conservation fund basically for South African penguins. But it was still going to be a very small event and it still is going to be a very small event and this is what has caused problems because for re for well I was going to say for reasons unknown not for reasons unknown meeting David Praels is awesome. So a lot of people want to come to this event it turns out. I didn't realise just how many people wanted to come until a couple of days ago. So basically at midday on a Tuesday we released an email address, a secret email address to our Patreon supporters to get the first half of these tickets and the idea was then the next day on the Wednesday we would release another secret email address to everyone to get the other half of the tickets. We thought and I still think it was probably the best way we could do it. So at midday you post to the email address on to Patreon because you have the control over that and within 10 seconds all the tickets were spoken for. Like my, the inbox, like people obviously had the email already written with all the things they had to write. Yeah that was the impressive part is people people were preparing in advance for this. And as soon as they had the address they pressed the button so I had their name and phone number and details. So there were people who had like on the Tuesday there were people who had emailed instantaneously within five seconds right who were then getting rejections saying sorry you were too slow. Yeah I told you because because I put the thing up and you jokingly instantly sent me a message saying oh no emails yet and then not 10 seconds later you sent me a message saying we're sold out. I said it felt like we were selling WWDC tickets or something right? Apple puts up the tickets and it's been seven seconds they've sold thousands. Seven seconds I wish. I mean obviously we're not selling thousands that's the problem but yeah but anyway it just seemed it seemed a crazy short amount of time. Yeah I mean we released it at we said we were going to release the email address at exactly midday and we did to the point where we even got like official the official you know nuclear clock out to make sure it went up at midday. I had the atomic clock up on my screen and as soon as it hit 12 boom I pressed it and like you said 10 seconds later we saw that we saw it. Yeah like if you looked at my like Gmail account they all the emails were all like date stamped you know 12.00 so it was like oh gosh. So anyway so I emailed you know everyone back and said sorry you've missed out but you can have a go in the public you know for the other half now and they went even quicker. Like if you think if you think those first ones went quick you should have seen the second one it was like a it everyone piled on and so we've allocated all the we've allocated more tickets than we were supposed to already. Yeah and in those small part because you are a big softie. Partly but anyway that's not going to that. If I had been handling this thing I would have handled it more by the book but you are Mr. Softie and we have distributed more tickets than we were thinking originally. But I was not soft. I was well yeah well I did follow rules I just want everyone to know that I had a strict rule that I did have a strict rule in my head my rule was just softer than your rule. So it's not like I've done anyone favors and I did follow the rule and if you missed out you missed out because you know there was no favoritism. We had a couple of friends and people we know who wanted tickets and they you know they were treated the same and got rejection emails just like everyone else is appropriate and so there was no there was no like unfairness but I just I just wanted to allocate a few more tickets than you did. Yeah the reason I'm saying you're Mr. Softie is we had a notion of how many tickets we were going to have. Yeah and then you felt really bad because there were a bunch of people with puppy dog eyes in your mind staring at you because they didn't get tickets and so we were thinking okay you know maybe it can be bigger and then before I knew it you had already allocated a few more tickets to people and it was moved to the line as to how many tickets which in reality only only meant if your email arrived one second sooner you know chance it's not like it's not like you know it made a difference in any way. Yeah well that that that was the funny thing but it is also I was teasing you about it but it is also partly one of the things we want to talk about now just fair to say that we vastly underestimated the demand for the event I think and so we're we're yeah we are recording this it's Wednesday right? Yeah so the so the the second round of tickets from our perspective just went out today even though you dear listener are hearing this well into the future so we are trying to figure out something to do to maybe make the event slightly bigger very slightly so we are we're pretty much the problem is the room we're watching Star Wars in as like a maximum and we're pretty much we're nearly there but we have we can squeeze a few more people in we think so how many tickets have you allocated at this point just a people know what we're actually talking about here I have allocated 30 tickets right but it actually went just over 30 because what I did was like if so the first round was going the it was supposed to be 10 and 10 but the first bit ended up being 15 and 15 right because you missed it's after because I missed it's after but if if I had allocated but if 14 had gone and the next email came in from someone saying can I have two or three I let them get go over as well like they would have all their allocation so so for that reason there are actually 32 have been allocated right okay so so so what we're thinking of is trying to see if we can because so many people wanted to come in seeing if we can get a few more tickets in order to work it out with the room or the or the setup or something it with the zoo so we can have some more but the idea was always for it to be quite small and intimate as well yes and and in fairness to David Brauer was like you know he had just agreed to me and a few friends so you know it's kind of we don't want to spiral out of control but we are going to get we are going to rustle up a few more tickets a few more tickets yeah but we're not we're not like removing this to royal Albert Hall or anything okay that's that's not what's going to happen we're thinking you know a handful more tickets at most if we can yeah but so now we do at this moment we don't know exactly know what we're going to do we're not going to do that email thing again because that was really cruel like no it was cruel for me to watch happen before my I've got my wife to come in today midday because she just happened to be walking past my office and I said watch this and like and she came and stood next to me and I I put the email address on the blog uh-huh and I said you see me do that and she said yep and I said watch this and I refreshed the Gmail page and I went whoosh and did she swoon was she incredibly impressed by this now but she she did not she was not impressed and she thought it was like it was she thought it was really cruel as well because you know I know exactly what that's like my wife and I have spent many a morning with like 19 computers set up and eight telephones trying to like you know buy tickets for the Glastonbury music festival in in the sort of 15 minute window you get one Sunday morning and you know it's an agonizing thing and I feel really bad for people who missed out but that's just unfortunately that has had to happen there'll be a few more tickets and I think we're heavily leaning towards auctioning these tickets yes well you you feel very badly about this but how I feel is that there is a market failure here and so what we have is very high demand for a very small event that is also very difficult to price correctly yeah this to me screams auction right this is like what an auction is made for don't know what the price should be is it a one-time kind of thing so you can't figure it out later and you obviously have way more people who want to show up than can possibly show up the best way to deal with this is an auction and because like what about like some you know I already had university students emailing me saying it was too expensive at sort of 50 pounds for a ticket which I don't think which I don't think was very expensive by the way because you know just buying David Proud's autograph gets near that I'm not sorry yeah well I was gonna say this is this is also that we are doing this for a charity event yeah and so that's how that's why you've persuaded me to do the auction yeah I mean just think about this way Brady because since you're mr. softy we could have just given all the tickets away but then the poor penguins would be looking at you with their big puppy dog eyes chewing on chewing on a fishbone because they don't have anything to eat crammed into a tiny box yeah but they can't tweet or email me they're not gonna email me but I can complain I would have the zoo send you photos of sad looking penguins if you gave away all the tickets for free there's gonna be an auction yeah for the for the remaining tickets if you're interested I think we're not at this at this moment we're not a hundred percent sure that's what the case is the case of like check the description things might have changed but the very least I would like to set this up as an auction because I think then that there's only a few tickets left and then this also gives us the opportunity to raise more money for the zoo instead of less money for the zoo and if you're like a crazy person who super loves Darth Vader hello internet and penguins and you're rich like you can you know maybe spend a whole bunch of money on this event and be really happy like you'll be happy to it's a perfect storm if they're your interests yeah yeah if you're if you're in just really are Star Wars penguins and hello internet and you are a you know a venture capitalist or something or congressman or congressman yes yes we did have you were telling me we actually had like people trying to come from abroad like yeah I think some of the tickets have been allocated to people in other countries that's crazy but but there were people like I think there was career and like United States and Canada and I was like look because I don't know where they're from but I was looking at their phone numbers and looking up the the you know international codes and you know it feels weird people wanting to come all the way from like Asia and then getting an email saying well you're not coming because you can't have a ticket to the little room at the zoo yeah first come first serve that's the way it went but this is this is what auctions this would auctions are good for you I mean I think you get irritated because you have sometimes asked me questions for solutions to various problems that are along these and I'm always like auction auctions always the solution and I you know I'm always surprised the places that sell tickets don't do that way more often of having some portion of the tickets up for auction I mean I auction that the brown papers from number four when there's a special one so you know I'm not I'm not opposed to auctioning things but this was just a bit of a different one and anyway it's caused me more distress than it should have over the last couple of days and you have been a you have been a slab of granite for me to cry on as usual I think I have been exactly as comforting as a slab of granite for me yes all right you know the tears are rolling down the surface of my cold skin yeah and I'm just thinking sounds like an auction that's what this sounds like so if you did email you will get an email a bit how we're going to allocate these tickets and even if you didn't email I guess you can still go in the auction because we can't keep the auction secret so it's open to everyone good luck and and look forward to seeing people there on May the 9th not May the 4th I know May the 4th is Star Wars Day I could it was not in my control to get the day so you don't need to email me so you should have done it on May the 4th I'm not a fan of the May the 4th thing I think that's dumb I think it's it's disrespectful to Star Wars what that's that's pretty intense there yeah not as disrespectful as the prequels but disrespectful on the way that's an interesting choice of words to go for there May the 4th is disrespectful to the prequels to the Star Wars movies making a pun about something especially as you know may the 4th be with you you know which is this you know iconic important thing it's like oh it sounds a bit like May the 4th let's make that Star Wars Day I'm not having that I mean puns are just dumb anyway yeah not a fan of the puns yeah anyway good luck in the auction people speaking of magnificent cultural milestones do you like my segue I could segue anything yeah yeah you've put something in the show notes about that great TV show that is the wire oh oh this is what you weren't talking about okay what did you think I was gonna talk about oh I know what you thought I thought you were I like because it's just on my mind no no we're not there yet tell me this thing about the wire why have you put the wire in the show notes I put the wire in the show notes we've mentioned it before on the show but you and I are both large fans of the wire it's a great great television show the series five wasn't that good though maybe one day we should do we should do a discussion on each of the series or something which is a thing to possibly do I have to rewatch them it's been so long well yeah I was never gonna like series five because that's when it gets on newspaper and I obviously know a lot about newspapers so you know when they do something about something you're an expert in although series four was in a school wasn't it you're trying to have this conversation now we should assign that no no no no no no no no no no no it's time for homework all right at some point I don't know if we actually ever will but we can't assign people to watch five five series of the wire for homework dude dude if we can tell people to watch cereal and if we get if we can tell people to listen to cereal and they do it I actually on my Twitter just today I had two tweets in a row from people who said the exact same thing where they said oh I finally got all the way through cereal and now I'm gonna go back to my paused hello internet episode it's crazy these papers lives have just stopped yes that's exactly right if we ever do the wire we should do it a season at a time that we wouldn't do all five seasons because each season is worth it that would be a good way to just gradually erode our how to listen to bice rouse and do it in one phase for yes I think so as well yeah um but very much like the hello internet podcast I think the wire is a hard show for people to get into there's that there are a lot of things that make it difficult yeah to start and one of the things that kept me from watching it for years is that it is broadly a police drama in a sense might be the category that you put it in and whenever I heard that my brain automatically categorized it with stuff like lawn order and a whole bunch of other shows I just have zero interest in the original law and order was good before it started getting all franchised and go weird the original original law and order was awesome I'm cherry all back and all that I can't speak to its quality but it sounds like you're quite a fan yeah the original stuff was good I'll take your word for it but yes there but one of the things for modern audiences in particular that is difficult about the wire is I mean it was you know shot and well I always forget it like late 1990s early 2000s around that time period I think and it is done well well first of all like old-style sitcoms it's shot in a 4-3 ratio as opposed to a 19-6 ratio so if you're watching this on a modern tv screen you have the huge black bars vertically on either side which drives some people crazy and it was also standard definition there was no high definition version but so just recently HBO has released a high definition widescreen version of the wire how they watch screened I was very suspicious when I first heard about this because David Simon the creator is sort of notoriously picky about the way things have been framed and the way he set up the original thing and apparently HBO was going back through all of the old film and updating it for widescreen and high definition because if you ever see like behind the scenes footage of people making a movie they shoot much much bigger than it's actually ever cropped down to so even in cinematic films you can see they usually like like when you watch the red letter media reviews of the original Star Wars or the Star Wars uprequels there's tons of shots of Lucas sitting in front of his monitors but there's usually a little rectangle taped in the center of the monitor and so they're actually filming the whole image but they're going to crop it down to just a smaller section so they apparently went back through the original footage of the wire and we're using the wider shots but this this can have enormous problems and there was a they did this a fox I think maybe it was did this with Buffy the Vampire Slayer a few years ago and people were furious because there just tons of shots where you could just see crew standing off on the side or sets were unfinished because it was not intended to be shot like that and you know when you're filming stuff there's people all around you know and so I was kind of worried that the the new wire release would be like that and I was pretty much just assuming I was going to write it off but then David Simon wrote this interesting blog post talking about how he was somewhat involved in this and how he was he had someone who was working with him who was going through all the shots in the wire and it's it is a very interesting article to read from someone who has created a kind of seminal piece of media talking about how some things are much better with HD and the wide screenshots and some things are obviously much worse but it is like the world's most cautious he sort of approves of this this version of the wire and he views it as like an alternate version that might be good for getting people into the series who might otherwise not I don't see it as necessary myself it doesn't bother me especially the hgsd that I don't you know I don't care about that I'm just going to watch on my laptop in bed anyway yeah it's I I was aware when I watched it the first time when I felt terribly sick at a family reunion a few years ago and had nothing else to do that the first few episodes I felt like it I did have a bit more resistance to it and if it wasn't for the fact that I had nothing else to watch I'm not sure I would have continued onward so I just think the widescreen HD thing makes it easier for people so if you are one of the people like I used to be who has heard everyone in the world talk about how good the wire is and you have never watched it the HD widescreen version might be a good place to start and to try that show out because we both really like it and highly recommend it hello internet this episode is brought to you by Squarespace Squarespace is the easiest way to create a beautiful website blog or online store for you and your ideas Squarespace features an elegant interface beautiful 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on the whole service and you'll like them when you decide to sign up for Squarespace make sure to use the offer code hello to get a 10% off your first purchase and to show your support for hello internet as always we want to thank Squarespace for their support of this show Squarespace build it beautiful last episode we talked about something we didn't have time to talk about which you dubbed YouTube I can't say this very well I cannot say half assery half assery half assery by the way for all the people who think that's me swearing oh okay that's if that's me swearing that's me swearing I know we say that Brady doesn't swear I have a list of words I don't say and a list of words I do say and ask and ask are on the list of words I do say so I have a question for you about this list and not not to derail us here but something that occurred to me so you don't say these words yeah and I totally respect that okay could you write the words would that be breaking the streak how do you how do you treat this I have no policy on that but I mean I don't try them I never have a number but let's say you know on the reddit or you know on the internet like you do you're getting into some huge argument and you want to call someone a fucking fucking whatever right yeah like you do on reddit sometimes yeah like you do would you feel comfortable writing those words I mean if the person really deeply deserved it I would not do that no but okay would you think that you were breaking your streak though is that why you wouldn't do it or you just probably yeah okay I just I was I was wondering and I think you could take it both ways that it does it maybe it breaks the streak maybe it doesn't but you think it breaks the streak if you write it maybe yeah I just wouldn't do it I wouldn't do it right I have to believe that I think I think you'll be getting the beeps out there because yeah so what did you mean by YouTube half-assery did I say that right yeah yeah I have to pull up my notes here so if I've forgotten I was all angry last week no now it wasn't that long ago now though you know we're cheating a bit we're recording this quite soon after we're recording it soon but it's it's still been a while since the last time we recorded that that one yeah yeah yeah yeah again this is just like a very minor thing however what's not like it's been built up let's just crack on calm calm I find that there are many things in YouTube which feel unfinished might be the kindest way to put it yeah but half-assed is really the way they feel to me right very many times when I'm using it it's a bit like someone someone was just trying to check they're like ah good enough tick box and they got there and and just left it and like when I make the bed versus when my wife makes the bed sounds very likely yes sounds very likely yeah so on my last video on the Lord of the Rings part two and for a couple things I've been working on I've decided okay I'm going to go all in on a new YouTube feature because this is obviously the thing that they want people to use but this is the thing that has struck me as remarkably half-assed and it is what YouTube is calling cards I just remembered that you told me to go and look at it and I haven't I swear I could feel you hesitating or for something through my headphones no just as you started saying it I realized I hadn't looked at it I've seen the feature obviously but like I've seen this thing that I want me to do but I haven't even clicked on it what is that what is that I haven't even clicked on it well this is good because most people listening to this podcast unlike you and I don't actually make YouTube videos although I do use the back end of YouTube like you do in this case this is part of the back end I haven't used so you can explain it to me just like you're explaining it to everyone else all right well I'm going to give the general explanation for everyone else first so on YouTube at the moment the feature many people may be familiar with are annotations and so the way this works is this is when you're watching a video it's some vlogger and they're telling you about something and they want you to go somewhere aside from this video they want you to sign up for an email list they want you to go check out somebody else's video whatever it is and the almost always say something like you know click on my face and you can go see this other video that I've made on this new channel or whatever it is so these are like hyperlinks on the video basically when you make a video you can draw a rectangle on the screen and tell YouTube when somebody clicks within that rectangle yeah take them to location X and as you said it's it's a hyperlink it's a link are we gonna are we gonna talk about how rubbish that system is well I mean it is a terrible so what do you want to complain about I don't have anything about that in particular well I just find it clunky and clunky to use and it's like something from years and years ago on the internet it's like do you know what this is what has made me think about it and oh my Audrey just broke into my office she actually she literally this Chihuahua literally just opened a door um I'm sorry I don't I'm sorry I'm a bit taken of back well sorry sorry she didn't use a lock picking kit you just left the door on hinge and she walked in that's what you're saying yeah she yeah pretty much but I I was very it's a very unexpected appearance she broke in and now I've got to kick her out it's a bit overselling it she's so cute Gray you are such a softy you know she's cute she is super cute she I can honestly say she's the cutest to our I've ever seen she's so popular at the park as well because she hasn't got a normal char personality like she's really brave and friendly and goes up to everyone and everyone loves her she's like a celebrity like it like people I've never met I'll walk up to them in the park or Audrey will run up to them and they'll go oh look it's Audrey and they'll start talking to her like they know her and they've met her and and like I've given given given how many times her YouTube videos have been watched I think it is fair to say that she might be one of the most famous two hours on the face of the earth she might be but she's also about to get kicked out of my office give me three seconds while I do that yeah go grab the baseball bat came yeah you're too cute come on hang on I'll see if I can make her make her noise make your noise make your little snuffly noise to the microphone go on go on oh Jesus now you go silent make your little snuffle noise go on there you go you go on go on here we go hello people Brady is gone now it's just you and me hope you're doing all right getting back to this professional podcast of ours oh hi hi how are you there you are like nothing ever happened yeah like nothing ever happened yeah there you go it's a really smooth at a point there yeah the problem with the annotations is I don't want to go to like meta and to in house here and bore people and I don't also I don't want to I don't want to butter up one of our sponsors here and this is not got nothing to do with an outer sponsorship but this has made me realize that more than ever and that is I recently have started using square space for my blog so obviously in doing that I use you know that's a web application like YouTube is and they're back end for like you know designing things in embedding videos and putting pictures in and changing your layout and designing things is like a pleasure to use and it looks good and it's like smooth and it's like it's what you would want it to be I'm not saying it's perfect you know you know it's got its problems there are things I change but it's really really good and it makes me realize how come square space which is clearly a smaller company than YouTube and Google can make this really nice easy thing to use and the mighty mighty YouTube when it makes its back end for us you know manipulating our videos and plopping on our annotations and stuff gives us this clunky thing where we're having to impressously drag things and push things here and change the length of that and that's just a piece of rubbish this is if you watch a lot of videos YouTube videos there's something you'll notice which I feel I need to point out right now which is that when people use annotations you can usually make the annotation a little color so it's clear that you can click on this box it's not any of my videos at the end you'll see I put little boxes around stuff people can click on the boxes are never centered it always looks awful and I just want to clarify for people this is on my videos it's on every YouTube video you will ever go to the box is always look it looks like some child trying to outline whatever it is you're going to click if it's clear that it was what it's supposed to be around and the reason it is it is so hard to precisely place those rectangles you just you wouldn't believe how hard it is to draw a rectangle that's exactly where you want it to pixel perfection and so it's just it's just not even worth it you you can oh I'll spend two minutes trying to make this the exacty the right size or whatever I put it around the box that's as good as it's going to be and controlling the moment it pops up on the screen and comes off the screen oh my god that it takes forever it's it's it is it is rubbish yeah that's what it is it's not a good system on the back end in particular but at the very least people who use YouTube a lot are are used to this idea of you click on the screen you go to the thing yeah you know click on my face click over here people are used to that and I can see through my analytics people you know people really click on annotations if I if there's something in my video and I say click over here people click on it yeah so at least it works better for the user if not so great for us but here's the thing that's been going on now for a few years is that annotations don't work on mobile devices no so if you're watching a video and someone says click on my face on an iPad and you go to tap on their face all you do is pause the video right yeah nothing happens there's no there's no clicking here and more and more people are watching obviously on mobile devices that's really going through the roof yeah so I you know again I'm not sure how much we can say about the data behind the scenes but it is fair to say that the growth in mobile watching since I started YouTube four years ago is monstrous I love how you say mobile you American mobile mobile not mobile there's one of these words I think I have forgotten how I say all right as we mentioned before anyway so they're going through the roof they can't click on the screen problem yeah and again oh vaguely YouTube has made it sort of clear through their actions and through some whispers that they were never going to make annotations work on iPhones and iPads that this was just not going to happen who knows why I'm you know I'm happy to presume there's some technical reason why it's a huge pain the button they can't do it whatever I'll just take that as given but so for a long time it was just all quiet on the western front of what's going to happen is there going to be something new and then I don't know in the past few months maybe YouTube has started to roll out this feature called cards cards are what YouTube wants you to use instead of annotations going forward because the annotation system hasn't been updated since 1995 and the cards thing is new what is I have no idea what it is actually do you like do you have your iPhone on you or anything yes it's in my hand okay search for my Lord the Rings part one video on your iPhone yep I'll bring it up hang on see you be great and you're in the YouTube app right no I don't think I've got the YouTube app on my phone you don't have the YouTube app on your phone your professional youtuber you don't see how things look on the thing well know what a video looks like I edit it it looks like you know it's pictures on a rectangle you you are so infuriating sometimes I don't even think you mean to be infuriating but you really are I don't mean to be infuriating but I don't have the YouTube app on my phone okay so I'm going to just have to describe this for everybody then you know wait for you to put it on have it you describe it if you are then watching a YouTube video in the YouTube app on your iPad or on your iPhone or presumably on Android but I haven't tested it on Android I have no idea you haven't tested it on Android you caught yourself a professional youtuber that was the strangest voices what were you going for that was my that was my pompous lecture telling off voice that you used to me before oh I don't think I sounded anything like you know you you pay much to sound it like yourself yeah okay so you're watching a video on YouTube on the app and what what happens now is that so okay there's no annotations but there's a little i button the letter i that overlays on the screen and what you can do is if you tap on it it brings up a little picture of here is where it link goes so for example you're watching Lord of the Rings part two in the very beginning I wanted to say oh if you missed part one tap on this thing you can watch part one first instead of watching part two normally I would do that with an annotation but I thought okay YouTube wants us to use use cards I'm going to use cards they're just like the just annotations with a slightly different mechanism and name sort of but you really need to have looked at this thing this is frustrating I'm sorry that's okay is it really okay you keep telling me off about it well I I'm just I'm just what happens if I watch your video on my phone anyway okay now here you're on the computer open up open up YouTube on your on your computer there I was trying to think I was trying to think what I could say that would frustrate you but you didn't come into my brain quick and obviously saying that you have a web browser on your computer I know what you're trying to do over there I don't have a web browser on my computer yeah that's I knew you were reaching for something yeah I do I do have a web browser for something let me open up internet explorer here oh good I think even just just Microsoft even make it an explorer for Mac anymore I don't think they do I think I know so which one am I calling up your first little rings video do do the do the second Lord the Rings second one okay yep yeah it's uh oh gotta sit through an ad pre-roll ads more more dollars into the gray bank account there you go yeah I'm gonna spend that billionth of a cent okay oh there it is okay I see it it actually looks nicer than an annotation it looks okay right so when you when you load up the video because I put this right at the start it kind of rolls across the top yeah it says suggested video Lord the Rings part one yeah and you'll see there's a little eye that stays in the corner yeah yeah yeah so if you click on that oh yeah that's nice you see so it opens up this little window and then you can click again and it'll take you to Lord the Rings part one so I can either click on the video or you're trying to funnel me away to your patreon uh I know I'm trying to I'm gonna make keep clicking on my videos and collect all the ad revenue that's what that's the whole podcast I think these are nicer than annotations okay so probably not as useful but they look they look better okay so they are interesting they're an interesting option and I want to be really clear I am not against cards because the annotation stuff is quite frankly in you know 2015 looks just ass ugly there's no way around it they just they look awful so at least they're okay they're trying to make these thing these cards look nicer and achieve the same functionality but here is here is the thing where I started to get really frustrated with the half-assness of it now you are on the computer when you're looking at the video that eye the in it looks like the information thing like you see in like in an airport it's a circle with a letter i on it quite undistated yeah it's nice right okay you notice where it is on the screen top right corner okay what normally goes in the top right corner no I don't know is that where your other thing goes the right it normally normally for for channels that's where they put the little uh branding box slash subscriber button yeah so when you watch people's videos and if you know you watch like Destin's video he has this little smarter every day logo and it's in the top right and it acts as a watermark and it also acts as a button that people compress to subscribe to the channel yeah so now if you put a card on a video it goes in the exact same place that branding box would go not under or over or instead no no in place of right so you have to choose between either the branding box or the little i and this to me seems like the half-assiveness because it's like okay YouTube there's four corners of the screen you had the top right for the branding box but they're not going to touch this sacred cow of advertising down the bottom are they sorry bottom middle goes for the ad yeah bottom left is the channel wide suggested suggested videos yeah so you you'll sometimes see that pop up which is kind of irritating but whatever so bot so you can't use bottom left can't use the middle because that would look dumb it still leaves YouTube two corners to pick from I think top left makes the most sense for where the eye should go yeah it can't be the bottom because you could accidentally click on ads and things and then you get taken away to Russian brads or whatever so they have a perfect yeah that's where we go our money from so they have a perfectly good corner which is top left that they could use but for some reason they decided to to have it overlapped on where the branding box is supposed to go now this is really irritating because the branding box thing was sold to us as oh hey we want you guys to stop manually watermarking your videos because it's horrifically inconsistent and we're bringing across this whole solution of now like we have this branding box you don't have to do that it'll just pop up automatically and it'll nicely rescale based on on the size of the video the people are watching so it was there's like solution that was brought on board and so I stopped manually watermarking a bunch of my videos but now if I want to have anything anywhere in the video that people want to click it doesn't even matter if that card is not supposed to appear until the last 10 seconds of the video that little white eye will be there the whole time oh so this card you don't you can't control this card in terms of have different cards come up at different times or we'll get to this in a moment right but but for the moment it blocks anyone was still listening yeah but for the not it blocks the branding box now okay if as if that wasn't half-assed enough if you watch this the exact same video on your iPad they put the little eye in the top left hand corner yeah so it's not consistent between devices and then the other thing that drives me crazy is on your computer the little eye is in a circle on your iPad or on your iPhone they put the little eye on a pile of squares they have a whole different icon which is kind of vaguely falsely 3D for people to click and it's like okay how many hundreds of people are you are working on this little eye thing I'm gonna bet not many I'm gonna bet this is a team of like 10 people working on cards they couldn't coordinate between the two of them which freaking corner it's supposed to go in and so I'm trying to think in the future like when you tell people oh hey click on the whatever there's no answer to this question I can't say click on the eye in the upper left hand corner because if you're watching it on a computer it's on the upper right and I can't say they're reversed on the computer because it's going to be in the opposite direction on on your iPad like this to me just like screams half-assiveness that somebody just like through this together and it's like oh make it consistent now we'll have different icons on different devices because we just couldn't be bothered to coordinate between the mobile team and the desktop team and then it's like it doesn't sound like it's a huge problem but it's really nice if you can tell people where to click but you can't tell people where to click on the screen please click in the right or the left but you don't know what to say okay yeah there there is no way to say click on the left or click on the right right you can't even say click on the circle because it's a square on the other thing right so the other thing is they can change these things too so you could say click on the eye and then tomorrow they could implement a site-wide change where they change it to a question mark or something yeah this is exactly it's good as well yeah and it's like if you watch if you watch old YouTube videos you know the descriptions used to be on the side of the video they didn't used to be below and so like like all the old vlog brothers videos they tell you to click on on a link it's in the description and they're always pointing to one side of the screen yeah which then you know just look silly now because they move where the description is yeah so yeah I feel like I don't trust where this eye is going to be and that's a problem if you want to make videos that last a long time where people are going to click on a thing you just end up looking dumb because you're talking about a thing that doesn't quite exist well don't do that then okay that's fine but it's still it's still like it's a limited functionality and if you're bringing out a new solution it doesn't work it has its limitations and I don't know yeah like I agree it's a bit half-baked but even if it wasn't half-baked and it was implemented beautifully you still couldn't trust it just like just like the vlog brothers example you gave where they move the video description and you know or people say click the subscribe button they point down to where the subscribe button used to be and it's not there anymore like you do you anything that is not part of the video you're making on the screen you run you run a massive risk doing this oh yeah I can really you know I totally agree with you I guess my point is if you can't make the freaking eye go in the same spot on two different platforms you're starting out with me just not trusting it yeah as far as I can throw it right out of the gate yeah yeah you know I say you couldn't the only thing that could be better is if they put it in the bottom left on iPhones but not iPads right that would that would be just absolutely perfect so the other thing that irritates me about this and this is going to be a little bit trickier to describe when you go to make one of these little annotations there's a bunch of options so it's like a presentation or a card oh sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry that's a trial about when you go to make one of these little cards you have a bunch of options and it's like okay so they say I want to link to my website for my email list like I did in the last video and this is where the problem came up yeah okay I put in the URL and then I give it a title and then I have to put the little text that says oh like click here for the actual card I spent a whole afternoon trying to play around with this because those three fields appear in different places under different circumstances so when I say click here sometimes on the computer it seems to pop up that it says click here is what appears on the top of the screen instead of what I want to say which is CGP Grace email list and I played around with this and I just I'm like I'm not an idiot I do this for a living there's no way to make this look not stupid in one place or another either on on the phone or on the iPad so like there's no correct listing of descriptions that you can possibly put and again this is just like half-assidness like guys just say this is the field that's going to appear right on the video this one right here and then like here is the button for when the little card pops up that says click here but no it's like it's different in different places it just feels so terribly half-assed and if you're looking at like the Lord of the Rings video right now if you click on that eye it will show you all the cards that exist for this video oh hang on first of all I'm going to give you another billionth of a cent thank you there you go spend it wisely okay I'm clicking on the eye okay see if you click on the eye yeah you'll see this video I have two cards yeah the very top one is Lord of the Rings part one yeah and the bottom one is to get the the wallpaper link that's one I have but so if you're watching at the end of the video and you want to click on that wallpaper link you have to click on the eye it opens up this window on the side you have to scroll down to the appropriate card and then click on the right part of that card to actually go to the link so it's like a three-step process and the annotations used to be like click on this link or click on my face and boom done it just would take you automatically and it's a weird thing on the iPhone as well that if you click on the eye it shows you every single link that's in this video and then you have to like flip through the cards to find the right one and then tap on that it's just it's it's weird it's it's this is a thing that I have noticed with a couple of YouTube things one of which I can't talk about because I was in a private trial for it but it here's the thing do you ever have a palm pilot back in the day Brady did you ever use a palm pilot okay these are personal pdi's I used to be a really cool person because I had a palm pilot and I had one of those little holsters on my belt from palm pilot wow did you also have a big bunch of keys on your belt I did not have a bunch of keys on my belt but I had a holster for my palm pilot which is how you know that I was super cool yeah this was in college by the way let me tell you the ladies they were driven crazy by my yeah but one thing I always thought was cool was that palm the the guys who made the operating system for that they had to do whose job was to count taps how many taps did it take to do a task and his whole job was to try to eliminate the number of taps it took to do something like send an email or change a contact or whatever it is I swear YouTube employees an anti tap counter because there's so many things that they they change and they make it into more clicks yeah there's one thing I can do now in about five clicks which they're bringing in a new system and I counted it and I sent it to them an email it was something like it'll take 25 clicks on the new system it is infuriating I mean the one one thing that I can talk about is that they just change the way like if you want to upload captions to the video like English language captions I've you know I've already written a script from my video I can upload that script to YouTube it used to just be like a three click process but now it's a five click process plus there's some bizarre reason I can't figure out you have to wait for like a minute it says oh come then we're processing the captions and then come back later and remember to publish it that has caught me out on I think the past three of my videos and I just think what it shouldn't every time you change something it shouldn't be more clicks and more time to get the same thing done it's it's very frustrating it's very frustrating yeah I don't know man I don't know I don't know I don't know what to say I feel a bit like I feel a bit sorry for the listeners I feel like like I can imagine listening to a podcast of two brain surgeons and they're going oh I don't you hate the way that new you know quarterizing laser scalpel sits funny in your right hand and when you when you need to use it in your left hand it doesn't like it's pretty niche stuff but this is the stuff that drives us crazy and yeah and they end like you know all the people I know at YouTube I already like but I am sometimes baffled by some of the decisions they made I mean when we were at YouTube one time and we got to see an meeting with some of the technical people you know some of the engineering people and they were telling us some of their plans and you know well you know they were asking our opinions on things just being nice really it's not like we were in there to call the shots and yeah yeah and we would raise a few things with them that just seemed really obvious and like it was like it's like how you know can you not see this as insane like this is can you not see this as a problem and it's like but it's almost like it's not like they hear it go oh yeah you're right that's a problem they just kind of just look at you and then walk away and do it anyway like and then it becomes a problem yeah I've spoken to a bunch of people who work at YouTube every one of them individually is very nice and is very concerned about video creators and they're smart obviously yeah yeah obviously but but like systemically the group does something that none of the individuals might want to have happen and like that's just the way that it works there are some things that are just hugely frustrating and I have like I have a this remarkably long list about things that I hate about these new cards and things that just don't work very well you can't edit them if they're a URL like if they're linked to a video you just have to delete the whole thing and start over you can't just change the link there's just all of these little things about it that just scream half-ass sadness but I have a more a more to broaden this out I just want to spend last second why using them if you don't like them so much I'm not using them to tell me why I should be using them I'm well I don't know if you should be using them I I use them because I like to link to stuff in my videos and yeah but I'll do that with my annotations well here here's what I'm saying my regular my regular viewers have noticed that the number of annotations that I put in my videos has dropped off and that's for a couple of reasons but one of which is it just seems to me really obvious that the annotation system is ignored and so I I always feel like as soon as I get like the the tiniest whiff that a system is not going to be continued I feel very reluctant to continue to invest time and effort into it and so at this stage I basically use annotations at the end of my videos mostly and kind of nowhere else and then when the cards come on board I feel like well I'm happy to go and work with this new system and try to figure out its limitations and again my mobile views are really high so like if I I have to use a thing that people can click on their iPhones I think that's a real deal breaker at this point for for annotations for me yeah so I put these cards in so that right now at the end of my video there is an annotation that people can click but there is also a card at that point which a person can tap and then scroll and then find the right place and then tap on the wrong thing and then tap on the action link and then get the place where they need to go another chore for me and all the videos I upload as well great yeah well I mean I went back through and tried to add cards to a whole bunch of my old videos and then realized that because they they do it in this confusing way I face at this moment I have a ton of videos with cards that just look ridiculously stupid because I did something in this this backwards way but I can guarantee you it was not my fault but so there's tons of of cards that pop up my videos now that just say click me and there's no indication about what it is and it's is I just I feel so stupid I hate that stuff but it's hard to prioritize going back to fixing it yeah but I have I have a slightly other example of half-assury which you can stop me about here but I think is more understanding I do you know what I don't think I could stop you now go on YouTube ostensibly is a video platform I mean we know it's really a music platform but people upload videos and one of the things that has driven me crazy for years is why can't you be as good as Netflix for watching videos with respect to stuff that happens in order like Crash Course which courses that go in order so Crash Course is doing world history you want to watch those in order or weezy waiter who makes daily vlogs his videos he uploads every day he has his enormous number of videos you could have perfectly just then said or periodic videos where they do all the elements in the periodic table in order while you do all the elements in order I don't think it's an integral part of the story but if you're watching weezy waiter videos it really matters that you watch them in order yeah you can't watch them in any order whereas if I watch the video about tungsten first and then boron I don't think it's going to be like oh I missed a development in the plot here right where did this clone come from right whereas with with with with weezy waiter it's helpful to watch them every day and so this has blown my mind for years two things one on YouTube why can I as the creator know where indicate to YouTube that this video is part one of X there's no metadata anywhere where I can put that in to say oh this video is part two and here's part one that doesn't exist anywhere and secondly why can't it be like on Netflix where oh Netflix I'm watching House of Cards the next time I go back to Netflix and I click on House of Cards it picks up from where I left off mid freaking episode right and then it will just play the next one I don't understand why isn't there a place on YouTube where I can go and click a button and it takes me back to wherever I was in a sequential channel where did you leave off with weezy waiter videos we're just going to bring you right there and you can pick up where you left off oh you were in the middle of Crash Course World history great we're going to drop you off where you started and continue to move onward it is it is astounding how bad YouTube is at sequential content and I think anybody who's ever tried to watch a video on YouTube that says you know part one and then you can see in the sidebar it says part two part seven part six right oh okay when you get you get to part two there's no part three in the sidebar and you have to spend a few minutes trying like this shouldn't be a problem the creator should be able to tell YouTube here is the sequence of videos but it doesn't it just doesn't work like that and I and you know you know the answer to this gray you know why this is the case why you tell me why this is the case because Netflix you've already paid for right they've already got your money and they're all about just the pleasure of your experience YouTube aren't about aren't about giving you an either control to shepherd the viewers where we want to shepherd them next they're about shepherding them where they want you to go next based on other priorities yeah I know you're right I know you're right this is you know this is I sound like you know this is something you know this is what you say all the time you need you need you know this is the case they don't they don't want you to sit and watch weezy waiter in order if they'll get more money from you watching Taylor Swift they just they they they they're trying to push it's a it's a constant battle between you and I trying to push the viewer to what they we think they should watch next using our annotations and our cards and things as they're being ruined under our noses versus YouTube using all of their pressure points to push people to go and watch the thing that's going to make them lots of money and suck you into the suck you into the black hole of crepiness well I do know what you're saying there in in in some sense I think YouTube is bad at both of these because if you're watching videos on a channel it will recommend in the sidebar overwhelmingly more videos from that channel yeah I could almost believe your theory more if the sidebar was filled with nothing but videos that are obviously making them a whole bunch of money yeah but it's like oh you're bad at both of these things you could optimize for money better but you don't instead you're showing me a bunch of related things but in the most unhelpful way ever I mean this is why I happen to be lucky that the kind of videos I make are like tailor made for YouTube's algorithm right that there's going to be a bunch of thumbnails in the sidebar they're all CGP gray videos and it doesn't matter at all what order you watch them in for the most part yeah so like that's it's it works for me but it's I find it just infuriating and it's it's why I mean there are many reasons but like my my YouTube watching has gone down and I remember particularly like I'm just trying to fight this system so hard to watch stuff in order yeah and it's it's just fighting against me the whole way I mean of course so you know I don't need to tell you there are things like playlists and stuff like that but but they're half-assed as well well yeah but here's the thing with the playlists is I have tried to maintain a playlist of my videos in chronological order for people who do want to watch them in order but this is this is a hard problem and the playlists don't work very well either and someone like weezy waiter I think is hilarious because I actually on Twitter a while back I was like just like some somebody must have made a playlist somewhere of all the weezy waiter videos in order and it turns out he's uploaded so many videos that he's broken the limit of how many videos you can have in the playlist I think it's 200 yeah I mean I mean I think he uploads 200 videos in a month yeah he's like you and so then you know even even if you care about this stuff there's all these arbitrary limits that are going to just be frustrating and the playlists won't remember where you were you know so I've got to scroll back and try to vaguely remember what the heck episode I was on like I know that you're right but it is also frustrating that they're not even they're not even optimizing for the money it seems like clearly in the sidebar it's like just let me watch things in order remember where I was but they won't they won't ever do it do you have any half-ass complaints about youtube I've just been blathering on about stuff most people don't care about um you wanted to hype up this topic it's your responsibility to make it awesome now no no I was I was I was I was I was joking around but you really have gone off on one I don't know I I I worry about how interesting this is to people listening to the podcast this is why it's at the end yeah yeah but no and you know you know two guys who make youtube videos for a living we kind of owe it to them to to people to talk about this from time to time um so yeah I'm really there are lots of things that I'm youtube is just like difficult to deal with you know and partly it's me because I'm a bit rubbish with computers as well but like you know I have like I can't put annotations on my videos in safari but I can in chrome so like I do all this work uploading a video and then I switch over to chrome to put the annotations on at the end and um and I still haven't figured out why and I can do I can it's funny I just realized it may very well be the case that it just doesn't work in safari because I do everything in chrome as well because I feel like it gives me a better shot at things working well uh the music safari yeah I don't even know if it does work but there are reasons I the reasons there are reasons I you know I I have safari and chrome open constantly and I have different things logged in in different browsers and so I do need to have you know um you you you have the whole fun of dealing with the million google plus accounts yeah I mean I have ridiculous number of google accounts so um there are there are lots of things there are lots of things that frustrate me about about using youtube but I don't know I'm sure I don't know could someone in I I should go and use something like vimeo and that not not because it's a viable option for me but just so that I can see how the others do it so before I slag off youtube I can say the others do it better why can't youtube do it it is possible I don't know if it's possible um but it's certainly it's certainly not a pleasurable experience I I have used vimeo a little bit a while ago and remember thinking that even years ago vimeo was like oh this is just nicer vimeo has just the reverse business model like we said before it's more like netflix you pay vimeo to use it so it is in their best interest to make sure that that from the creators perspective it's nice to use because that's where they're getting their money I also wonder why youtube can't look nicer but like vimeo does but then I remember that that's just a taste thing and I look at sort of you know the t-shirts that young people wear or the way that they design things and I think that looks rubbish so they probably like the gearishness and messiness of youtube whereas I would like it to be more stripped back and just classier you know it could even leave in the logo I mean the logo of youtube says it all doesn't it's like you know it's not it's iconic but it's not classy yeah you shouldn't have words in your logo just like you shouldn't have words on your flag no words on logos no words on flags I don't know I find it really hard talking about youtube on the podcast like it's almost like any topic can come up whether I expect it or not and like all these things pop into my head and my brain starts going off like popcorn and I want to say this and I want to say that and I get all excited and have all these ideas and then we start talking about youtube which should be the thing I have the most it probably is the thing I have the most knowledge about and I should have a lot of passion about it I live on it every day you know I live on I spend way more time on youtube than you certainly at certainly at the back end I spend way more time on youtube than you and as soon as we start talking about it in any podcast I just feel you can probably tell I just feel like I've got nothing really to say and like I find it really hard to talk about on the pod like when it's just you and I at the pub I don't find it so hard but on the podcast when I've got in the back of my head oh you know what to say I just like it's like kryptonite for me I feel like I I feel like I lose my mojo yeah I know exactly what you mean and even as I was talking I was thinking how boring I was

==Episode List==

References[edit | edit source]

  1. "H.I. #32: YouTube Half-Assery". Hello Internet. Hello Internet. Retrieved 12 October 2017.