H.I. No. 35: Are My Teeth Real?

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"Are My Teeth Real?"
Hello Internet episode
Episode 35 on the podcast YouTube channel
Episode no.35
Presented by
Original release dateApril 13, 2015 (2015-April-13)
Running time02:38:32
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"H.I. #35: Are My Teeth Real?" is the 35th episode of Hello Internet, released on April 13, 2015.[1]

Official Description[edit | edit source]

Grumptacular grumpstravaganza! Grey & Brady discuss: customer service, statues, a hero for introverts, cricket, delays in airports, TSA, Las Vegas, The Grand National, the horrors of jet lag, the Apple Watch, and the coming subscription service for YouTube.

Show Notes[edit | edit source]


Fan Art
I'll just warn you in advance that if you find yourself talking during the podcast and then you realize that I am not here, it is probably because I have gone into the next room to throw up. It feels like it has been a month since we've done this. I think it is because we have both traveled and been very far apart on opposite sides of the world. So it somehow feels like it's been a huge amount of time since we last spoke. Does it feel different when you're further away from me? Do you feel it? Do you feel a separation, a distance? There is a longing in my heart. And the further apart we are, the stronger it grows without a doubt. I don't know, I don't believe you. I don't understand why you wouldn't believe me. It's like our souls are connected with a rubber band. And the further apart we are, the stronger that feeling grows. That's how I feel about you. Is this how you talk to your wife with this much sincerity? My wife. My wife. My wife. My wife and I are very pragmatic about our relationship. We don't believe in soulmates or any of that kind of stuff. So no, we don't talk this nonsense. Sorry, but I have been talking nonsense to you. So you don't think we're soulmates? I do not think we're soulmates. No. I know we're not soulmates. Even if soulmates exist. How are you doing, Brady? I'm alright, except I just got charged an insane amount of money to have my car serviced. They called me up and they wanted to change my front and back brakes and windscreen wipers and everything. And I'm just like, go on, do it, just do it. And then he called me up and told me what it cost to take my credit card details. And wow, it was, it was pretty impressive figure. Anyway, I paid it. And while the credit card transaction was going through, I said, did you wash my car, by the way? And he said, oh, yeah, we've got to all washed for you as well. It's really clean. And that made me happy. It was like, oh, that's all right then. If they hadn't washed it, I was going to kick up a big stink and, you know, can't believe you charged all that money and didn't wash my car. But just because he said, yeah, we gave it a wash. It's like, I'm so right then. Is it, is it all right? I'm trying to understand. No, of course not. Of course not. But it just, for some reason, I remember the first time I ever bought a car. And, you know, buying a car is a big deal. And I paid thousands and thousands of dollars. This was in Australia. And when I picked it up, the car size and I said, his little or something extra for you and gave me a wink. And it was like a bucket and a little car washing kit with a sponge and some shampoo and stuff. And I was so happy about that. And I was like, oh, that is service. And, you know, I've just given this company thousands and thousands of dollars. And they've given me like a $2 car washing kit. Right. But it's funny how those things work. They make you feel special and happy and take the edge off. So you feel, you feel much better about paying all that money because they washed your car. It's sort of, I was all ready to be angry. And then, and then when they said, oh, no, we don't wash that cost like 20 pounds extra. And I was going to go, oh, it's outrageous. But because they had, I was like, oh, fair enough. Good service. So if I'm ever selling you something very expensive, all I need to do to placate you is also give you something that is free and really cheap. That's exactly how life works. Like when you go and buy like an expensive watch or something, they sit you down and offer you like, you know, a sparkling water or a cup of tea and they give you like, and it's like, oh, wow, this is amazing. You know, wow, what great value I'm getting. This is the way it works with expensive things. I've never come across this in America, but I have come across it here that when you go to get your haircut, they often offer you tea or coffee while you're getting your haircut. Which I find just absolutely bizarre and difficult. The logistics of trying to drink a cup of tea anyway while someone is cutting your hair, that's no good. So I always just reject it. I always just reject it. I turn it down as well. You're right. It is hard to drink tea while having your haircut. Yeah, because where are you going to put it? You have to put it on that little counter that's a hundred miles away from you. So you have to lean so far forward to pick it up. And it's not a, it's not a relaxing situation. And you're already claustrophobic and you've got that big sheet thing over you. They put over you and there's someone close to you. The last thing you want to be doing is having like a hot drink and yeah, it would be like if the dentist offered you tea while you're laying. Like what am I supposed to do with this? I know. I appreciate the gesture, I guess. But I think you're hoping I turn this down just as much as I, you know, I will turn it down. I don't know how we got off on this. But oh right. Yes. If I'm going to sell you something, I need to give you something cheap and free. Well, now you asked how I was. And basically I'm a bit grumpy because there's been a few grumpy things going on. I've had an, I've had an accounting tax form filling out day. Oh God. You have my sympathies. Well, part of it's because of you anyway. So did you get, you get forms for Hello Internet stuff? Is that what you were doing? Yes. I had to do some of that. I had to deal with accountants. And yeah, I was, I'm just, I've just been in a bit of a grump today. I'm just going to say it. So you're preparing the listeners for grumpy breeding? Well, I don't know. Well, see what happens. That depends on you. Oh yeah. That depends on how much you help me, how much you work with me on my anecdotes, and how, and how much you work against me with just being silent and going. I don't understand me. You're talking about what's the point of this? Well, how here I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you a free flower emoji right now. There you go. Since you're a free flower emoji, does that make you happy? Yeah. Do you like that? Do you know what? What? That worked. It's cheap. Yeah. I'm going to make a little scraggrave of it. But, what can I do that? I can't believe that meaningless token gesture worked. It's really sweet. I've made a little screen grave of it and I'll show it to people. Great. I knew we were cell mates. I said we weren't, but we are. Deep down you know, Brady. Can I send you an emoji back? Okay. I can't stop you. I mean, let me choose one. I don't do this right often. So I don't really know where they are, but I'm going to choose one. Okay. Oh, I know what I'll send you. What are you going to send me? I'm going to send you this one. Hang on. Let me find it. There we go. That's the Lulu Audrey emoji. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It looks like it's a fox. Yeah, but it also kind of looks like them. It's kind of colour. It is okay. Audrey and Lulu look a bit like a fox, don't they? You know, we can say that if that makes you feel better, yes. So let's get, let's get a follow-up out the way and then we'll talk about, and then we'll talk about our travels and whatever else we're going to talk about. Right. Yes. We must follow the format of the show. Exactly. We can't. We mustn't go off on dungeons. Well, I think some stupid pointless discussion at the start almost is a format of the show now. So we've taken care of that. Yeah, we have to get warmed up. Yeah. I have to de-grumpy with flowers. That's right. Yeah. Oh, you're making me smile again. So you are responsible for most of the follow-up items here. I think one of them is about skyscraper. Yes, I know you like skyscrapers. And last time we spoke, you told me about and sent me an article about the tallest skyscraper that was planned for Europe in Switzerland, I believe. Yep. And I was disappointed because the article had no photograph, and so we basically didn't talk about it at all. And someone sent in an article that did have a photograph for the planned skyscraper. And I think it looks amazing. This is actually something to talk about. Are you looking at it right now? I have a couple of things to say to it. To the to the tower. Okay. What are you going to say to the tower? Well, I'm going to say to you about the tower. Oh, I'm sorry. I miss it. One is it says here in the article that it's 381 meters tall. I guess that is quite tall for Europe. I was going to say that's not tall, but I guess for Europe that is tall. Are you just going to compare everything now to the Burj Khalifa or the Biles? Yes, I am. Then you are going to be disappointed at literally every other human structure. Yes. Okay. The other thing I will say before you, but I'm going to take the window out of your sales before you even talk about this. I bet you this will never happen. Oh, yeah. I look at this too and thought this does seem like a concept. It doesn't seem like a real thing for those who are listening in audio form. It is basically a very, very narrow, almost cylindrical glass tower that is designed to be a resort. So it looks like there are maybe just two rooms on each floor and it's just very narrow and very tall in the middle of this tiny, tiny village, which is what makes it striking. And it's supposed to be some kind of very exclusive spa resort, which makes it a kind of interesting building. But yes, I agree with you. I looked at the pictures and I thought, boy, that looks great. And that also looks like an architect's wet dream that they have designed, but will probably never come to reality. Indeed. So I'm not going to give it any more of my time. Okay. Well, we'll move on then. And this is something else you wanted to say. No, no, no. That's it. We were done. You do like your very modern, sleek glass towers, don't you? Yeah, who wouldn't? You wouldn't, I guess. No, no, I do like them. I do like them. I mean, birch caliph is very, very ultra modern and quite sleek. It's not quite as minimalist as I think your style would prefer. But yeah, okay. What's this next item? The next item on follow up is on our last show, you were talking, Brady, about how you have become a kind of a hero, a person for young people to look up to for those who don't drink coffee. Do you remember this? Yeah. When you say like that, it makes me sound a little bit full of myself. Well, I just listened to this like an hour ago. And yes, you were describing how young people the world over could look up to you for not having drank coffee in your entire life. I was being a little bit facetious, but yes, I did say those. You didn't sound facetious at all. I think you were basically folding your arms and waiting for the statue to be erected to you of Brady, hard as nails, non-coffee drinker, dude. That's going to be a statue somewhere. Well, that's not something I'm loving for, but if someone does choose to build it, I'm not going to stop them. You wouldn't have jacked. It's not for me to say whether I deserve a statue or not. Let the listeners decide. I'm very modest of you. I'm not saying I'm worthy of a statue. That's not that that would be, you know, but you know, statues have been built for lesser men. That's all you're saying. Perfect. I'm saying if someone was to stand a little kickstarter or something, I may give them a retweet. You're going to be in trouble now with that. Kickstarter for a statue. Yeah, not a Brady. Not drinking coffee. Yeah. Look at hard as nails. Right, yeah. Big cavemen, pectoral muscles. Well, sounds like you've got some designs in mind already. Sounds like you've been thinking about it. I'm working with some architects right now. But anyway, I wanted to say that I am going to jump on this hero train as well. So I can have a statue right next to you. Yeah. Because last episode, when we spoke about being recognized as a regular in the situation where you go into Starbucks and then know your order ahead of time. We're in a restaurant where they recognize you as a guy who comes in all the time. Yeah. And I talked about how much I did not like it. I have to say, I received very, very many positive pieces of feedback from lots of different people saying, thank you. Thank you, CGP Gray, for speaking out on behalf of all of us introverts. And so I just, I felt like I was a recipient of this as well. Like I'm an introverted spokesman here for people who just don't want to talk to other people in the shops. They just want to complete their commercial transactions without fake social interaction. I'm here for your introverts. I'm here to speak on your behalf and to let all of these extroverts who feel like they need to fix us know that we don't need fixing. We're not requesting any fixing. This is just a preference we have that we prefer to avoid. So anyway, it does seem something wrong with sort of public acclimation and a statue for someone celebrating their introversion. Yeah, I'm not quite sure how you would do that statue. Yeah. Maybe the statue would actually be, it would be a house. And you can only see it from the outside. And the actual statue is on the inside. That would be a monument to introversion. That's how that would work. Yeah. I think that's that's what you would want. Fair enough. So yeah, you don't need to fix introverts. We just have preferences that are different from you extroverts. And that's not wrong. We don't want to do some things that you want to do. Your lives exhaust us. That conversation did come back to me today actually. I was thinking about it at the post office because I was in quite a long line waiting to get served. And it was around lunchtime. And it's the time when lots of sort of lonely people, I guess come out and go to the post office. Sometimes with things they maybe don't even need to go to the post office for because I just think they want to have some human interaction and chat to the people who work at the post office. And I was just waiting forever as old person after old person told the post office woman what they had for breakfast and how they're what their nephew was up to in France and things like that. And I was thinking what I wouldn't give for a couple of CGP grays in front of me at the moment just to just to get in and out like a formula one pit stop. But it wasn't to be I had everyone there. Yeah. And how real and genuine do you think those interactions where how much do you think the post office people were enjoying those moments? Do you know what I think it meant a lot to some the people in the line. And I stand by what I said last time that people a lot of people long for a sense of community. And that means something to them. And while I'm being you know a bit RC and saying it was a pain for me, I'm being entirely selfish. And I think it's a really nice thing that those people can go out and talk to the person at the post office. And I still think you're a little bit in the wrong. I'm still asking you though. What do you think the post office employees think about that? Do you know what I think they would say isn't she a sweet old lady? Because it's not like they're getting paid less. You know I think I think if I was sitting there and doing the drudgery of transaction after transaction, I would welcome the variety of someone telling me something different or something interesting. You know I love a job with variety and variety comes from people. You're not going to get variety from just selling stamps and you know taking money for people's bills. You get variety from someone telling you something interesting or making a joke or saying you look nice today or you know those things are nice. So dear listeners who work in retail, I think you should tweet Brady with your thoughts on regulars who visit your establishments. Do you enjoy interacting with the regulars? Do you not enjoy interacting with the regulars? Let Brady know. Tweet at him. Tell him your interesting thoughts. I'm sure Brady wants to hear. Well it's a very self-selecting sample I'll hear from but I um you know I think I think human interaction is a is a good thing and people and people crave it. People crave it. I'm not arguing against human interaction. I'm arguing against this kind of weird one-sided human interaction across a commercial exchange. All right I'm not saying oh these people shouldn't go to the local community center or someplace where they can have a more genuine human interaction. I'm saying that the post office line is perhaps not the best place for this because yes it's someone who's talking to you but they're kind of they're talking to you because they have to. It's not a it's not an equal moment here between person on the line and person who is being paid to serve the person on the line. Well how about we try and make it an equal moment and just care about each other for a few seconds? All problems are best solved by just trying harder. That's that's always what I like not system solutions. Good for you Gray. Sounds like you're making progress. I think I've made you grumpy again. I'm sorry. You got another flower handy. I do. Let me select another flower for Brady Oh it's going to be different to the previous one. Well I want you to know that you are getting a special thought from me at this very moment right. I'm putting a little bit of effort into it. What should Brady have right now? Oh I know what he should have. I'll send him this one. Here it comes. I got the... Oh what'd you get this time Brady? I got a sunflower. Oh there you go. How does that sunflower make you feel? It makes me think of the Fibonacci sequence. Oh yes. Are the flowers... Are the seeds Fibonacci sequences? Is that what it is on some flowers or is it the petals? Yeah the spirals. It's the spiral on the inside. Yeah. I hope it cheered you up. Thank you. Very nice. I wonder how many more of those flowers are going to be required before the end of the show. So you seem to be in quite a grumpy mood. I'm beginning to worry about how many are left actually. How many... How many different flowers can I possibly use up here? Oh luckily there are a few more in iOS, the new iOS. So yes. I have a couple of extra spares. Selfies autographs. What have we got with selfies and autographs? Oh yes. There was a very small point that I just wanted to clarify. Again talking about the recognition conversation last time. At one point we were discussing the awkwardness and the weirdness of selfies and signature, like someone asking for your signature at that particular moment. And there was just some feedback in the Reddit that I wanted to clarify which is that like when we did the random acts of intelligence show that is the appropriate moment for selfies and signatures. So nobody should feel like oh I'm making gray feel really awkward. If I'm asking for his picture at a public event he is attending on purpose. That just want to be really clear about that. That is not a moment when it feels awkward. That's a moment when it feels very natural. Like I'm going to this thing. It's like a working event. It's very very different than a situation where I would just be walking down the street minding my own business in my hobo clothes, going to pick up some milk. And somebody spots me and says oh hey can we take a picture or can I get your signature? This is the line in my mind of like is it a I'm on? It's a business moment. It's like a professional moment or it's an event. It's very very different from the moment when it's just like oh I'm just living my life like a normal person. So I just want to be really clear about that. That's the line. So if say oh I don't know maybe I might be meeting you sometime at a Star Wars event with Darth Vader. Selfies and signatures and stuff like that is is a okay at that moment. Don't feel weird. That's perfectly fine. And you two ready? Okay. So I can take a picture with you then can I? Yes you can get a selfie with me at that moment. Can I also want to follow up on this? Yeah. Because I have heard from some people about it and I wasn't going to follow up on it but coincidentally I received two emails within 30 seconds of each other which is very suspicious but I think it's a coincidence. And they both dealt with a similar thing and it makes me feel compelled to talk about it. And that is one of them was from someone who heard me talk about sending me emails and asking me to suggest things to you. And they were so apologetic. They said oh a while back I sent you an email and I said nice things about you Brady. Then I also sent you know can you talk to Gray and you should talk to Gray about this? Isn't that the way you wanted things though? Yeah. You wanted to be flat flat first. I think there was the clue that I was taking. Well partly but this person felt bad and I just want to say when we... Well I don't know if you feel this way but I suspect you do and I certainly do. When we talk about this stuff it's really just so we've got something to talk about and it's things we have in common and it's bit of a laugh and that and like you shouldn't feel bad if you have sent us an email or you've done something and feel like like we're talking about you specifically and we know who you are and we think less of you like that could not be further from the truth and I'm never thinking of anyone specific when we talk about this and most of the time it's just for fun anyway. And if you... And also I'm exactly the same. I have sent emails to people and they probably have you know it's not been an email they've responded to or wanted and like I'm the same as you. I'm the same as everyone and we're not sort of judging or thinking ill of people so don't feel like you now have to write an apology ice like it's not like I've got some list of people who have emailed who I think are silly billies you know. I've I do more stupid things than anyone on earth and I'm not judging anyone. We're not talking about anyone specific we're just talking because we... I don't even know why we're talking because we've started a podcast and we kind of have to. We're starting a podcast and it shouldn't be clear to any listeners who have followed us from the start. We've obviously run out of specific topics to talk about. And so at this point we're just kind of talking about whatever. We're talking basically we've run out of like historic things to talk about. So now we're just telling anecdotes in real time. Right that's exactly that's what this has become. And and also I think you know it's it's I listen to a lot of podcasts and one of the things that I'm aware that I find very interesting is just kind of getting a glimpse into somebody else's life who I don't know and you sometimes want to know like what like what is different about their life and I think we were talking about a lot of this stuff because it is just a weird experience to to have like a bunch of people who follow your work and who you don't you don't know them as individuals. And there are just there are just weird and interesting situations that come out of that. And so yeah that's what we have been talking about. We'll like we definitely will talk about it again in the future. But yes it is it is important to keep in mind that we're not talking about anyone in particular except for you Tim. Sorry Tim. But I have had that same experience where you're listening to someone you don't know say something and then and then you feel like oh god they're talking about me in particular but it's never about you in particular. And and I have to say I would much rather someone came up and said something awkward or the wrong thing than didn't come up at all. I would much rather they don't come up at all but that's that's why we're different people. Yeah so I feel a bit bad now I feel a bit bad and and I've spent way too long basically just saying don't worry about things you do if we make jokes about things you know gray and I do a lot of stupid things as well. Yeah I can definitely agree that Brady does do a lot of stupid things like ask people who are not on the plane to tweet you. Especially me I'm very dumb. But seriously if you're not on a plane stop tweeting us. Yeah yeah yeah. And now we are talking to you. Yeah. Um let me clear my throat. Yeah take it on. Actually I have some water here. That was not a real throat clearing. What was that? No it was a joke one. I didn't want to do a big yucky flammie one because that's just not classy and I'm a classy guy. But did you need to clear your throat? I did but I used water instead. Okay. I've been a bit bunged up. Do I sound nasal? You sound you sound hired you you don't sound nasal but you do sound different. Ah okay. I'm sorry. Yeah that's probably the wrong answer. You're probably disposed to like encourage me and say no you sound good you're doing a really good job. No you sound grumpy and tired. Let me talk about something that will make me happy. This is not the start of a new series called Cricket Corner as some people have requested and I would love to do but I can assure you gray would veto. Cricket being the sport by the way not the creature. Right. I have to bring up Cricket because since we last spoke Australia won the Cricket World Cup. Oh yeah. And this is a cause of much joy for me. Congratulations. Made me very very happy and I didn't talk the Cricket World Cup I had been going for a month but I hadn't spoken about it or done any trash talk or anything because I'm so nervous and pessimistic about Cricket. I didn't want to say anything on the record that could be used against me but now that it's all over and Australia have won I just want to gloat a bit and say how fantastic Australia is at Cricket. How fantastic are they? World Champions for the fifth time. Five World Cups. In a row? Not in a row but close to it and no other country has one more than two. So that's how good we are. Oh yeah. Who's the next best? I would say well the runners up I have to say the runners up in the tournament were New Zealand but I wouldn't say they're the next best. I would say South Africa or India are probably next best but. What I want is the ratio of wins per population whenever I hear about sports. That to me is the relevant thing. You should expect that a country like India or China or the United States would win way more sporting events simply because they have way more people to draw from so you can find the unusually talented people in that group. That does oversimplify things somewhat though. It doesn't take things into account like cultural considerations. Yeah I understand. Like in America I think interest in Cricket is probably much smaller than it is in the UK or in Australia but I still think it's a good metric. Like whenever the Olympics are on and they go oh America won a million gold medals. I think well yeah but I really just want to know how many gold medals divided by how many people live there. New Zealand winning a couple of gold medals is probably way more impressive than America winning 10 gold medals. That's a big difference there. But then that does lead to your sort of statistical aberrations too where one freak person wins three gold medals from some country and you know I mean if you do that yeah I still think it's a better metric to just try to compare countries. So it but it sounds like it sounds like if India has one two and Australia has one five that Australia is doing quite well. So well thank you. How many people are in Australia I always forget. I don't know anymore either. It's in the mid 20s yeah I was going to guess around 30 now I have to look it up. It was like when I was growing up it was always 18 million but it's gone way up since then. Or was it 16 when I was growing up? I don't know. Publication of Australia. Oh it's only it's 23.13 million. Can I just say? Yeah. You've let me down a bit on the cricket as well Gray. I'm sorry what have I done? Like the first thing I said like when Australia won the Cricket World Cup I was hoping you would ask me questions but I wasn't hoping it would be trying to kind of you know would be about populations to figure out what hang on how good is Australia really. Is there anything else you'd like to ask about the Cricket World Cup? No. No. Is the trophy pretty? Is there a trophy? There is and it's a bit disappointing actually. What do I have to look for to find it? Cricket World Cup trophy would probably do it. Okay I'm not a big fan of the Cricket World Cup trophy to be honest. Cricket World Cup trophy. Oh is it this golf ball looking one? That would probably be quite big that I'd bigger than a golf ball but yeah. I have no sense of scale it's just a picture in the abstract but well find a picture of someone holding it. There are a thousand pictures of this golf ball thing none of them have people. Oh there we go there's one. It's a sphere as big as a human head. Roughly. That seems all right. Is it supposed to be a cricket ball I guess? Are there balls in Cricket? Do you know it never ever ceases to amaze me how little you know about sport. Just when I think you couldn't know less about sport you say something else that makes me realize how little you know. Well I know they have the funny bats and so they must be hitting something but I never occurred like I know the guy throws something but it just occurred to me now maybe maybe it's like I don't know what's the funny tennis one with the little the feathers on the end you know what I'm talking about. A shuttlecock. Shuttlecock yes. The shuttlecock right maybe they're throwing something like a shuttlecock. I'm going to assume I'm going to assume from your exasperation that they are not throwing a shuttlecock. No they're not. They're throwing a ball. Is it like a tennis ball? They're not you don't throw it you bowl it and it's not a tennis ball. I know I know enough to know that that is a bunch of crap. You might use the word bowling but they throw it. Great if a baller throws the ball at the batsman he is to qualify it from playing the game. Players get banned for throwing the bowling. Okay but this is going to be this is going to be some nonsense technicality that oh if you do it overhand we call it throwing and if we do it underhand you call it bowling or something. But you're throwing it. Okay okay here's my question for you. Does the ball okay first of all can we confirm it's a ball right? Yes it's a hard leather ball about the size of a baseball. Okay so it's like a baseball. So do they roll the baseball the entire length of the way to the guy with the bat? No. Okay then they're not bowling it. It's not like bowling. Oh you've seen bowling? Okay you're thinking of like 10 pin bowling and long balls. Yeah that's bowling. It's not bowling. They're throwing it. They're not throwing it. Throwing has a definition. You do throw a cricket ball by the way but you don't throw it at the batsman but the field's man can throw it. But it's in the air most of the time right? It bounces once. It bounces once on the way down. Okay they're throwing it. Maybe we can call this he bounces it towards the guy. It's not bowling. I'm sorry I'm sorry cricket you're just wrong it's not bowling. Well I have to say when I when I invested in telling you about Australia's triumph in the cricket world cup I did not imagine we would be talking about shuttlecocks and throwing balls at batsman but there you go. You can't legislate for ignorance. Nope you can't anyway I'm glad we've established that it's throwing. Yeah it definitely isn't. No but it is. Yeah one day we will do a podcast about cricket. Yes that will be our final podcast probably but yes but I have agreed at some stage to go to a cricket game with you in which I can probably ask an endless series of infuriating questions and that very well might be the end of our friendship. Do you know what I can't think of anything more pleasurable than sitting at the cricket and just being asked questions about cricket for eight hours like that's like my dream day. You're saying there's no my friend but you have to be more malleable and let me explain to you that there was a difference between like throwing and bowling and things like that. You can't it's not your job when I teach you about cricket to like prove me wrong it's your job to learn. Right okay but stand as I will grant you that there is a difference between throwing and bouncing so he bounced the ball at the cricket guy. Right yeah settled. There are different different it's like it's like you don't say that the picture is throwing the ball at the batter in baseball. It's really good. No he's throwing it. Yeah but you have a name for it so you can differentiate between different types of moving the ball from one place to another. No you're throwing it overhand or you're throwing it underhand. So we say okay well let's call that pitching. Right and that's called throwing what the fielders do when they throw the ball to the men on the bases and things like that. We'll call that throwing. So now we have different names for things. Makes it a lot easier to communicate what's happening in the sport. Yeah but not when you use a word that has a totally pre-existing meaning to mean something. Oh man I cannot tell you how much you are going to hate learning about cricket. Because look in cricket. You mean you mean the sport named after a bug? Yeah. Yeah because in cricket the word wicket has so many meanings that it is truly astonishing how many different things that word can mean in different contexts. Like you can say and like talking to someone who understands cricket they know immediately what you mean but if you don't I was once working on writing like a little explanation of cricket and it was the word wicket that has stopped me going ahead with it so far because it can mean so many things. This sounds like a terrible sport. I love it. It's my favorite. Great. It's my favorite sport. I'll watch it with you one day. I look forward to it. I don't believe what happened but I look forward to it. This will happen someday. Yeah. Yeah. This is not like going to Nepal. This will actually happen. So that's the end of cricket corner. Cricket and tinn. And till next time. Hello internet. This episode is brought to you by harrys.com. They cut out the middleman and offer an amazing shave at a fraction of the price of the drug store brands. Their starter kit is just $15 that includes the razor, three blades and your choice of harry, shave cream or foaming, shave gel. 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The idea was that I would arrive on the evening of his party as a surprise and then we would spend the rest of the week having a holiday on an island that his wife had arranged for him and myself and some friends. I got to the airport. I was flying via Dubai on a quanta's plane and I arrived at the airport to be told the plane had broken and they were using a different plane and there was going to be a two hour delay. Is this in London or is this in Dubai? This is in London. I haven't even gone anywhere yet. Okay. But I am always ultra cautious about my connections because I'm a bit paranoid. Because stuff like this happens. Yeah. Exactly. I was also, you know, I didn't want to miss the party. So I think I had built in a buffer of, you know, a good four, maybe five hours connection. You know, I think that's sensible. Well, it depends on how long the flight is. Well, this is true. Anyway, two hour delay. I was like, it's cutting it fine, but got on the plane. Two hours late, we pulled back from the gate. Then the plane stopped for 15, 20 minutes. Still on the time act, you know, 20 meters from the gate. That's the worst. And then the captain comes on and says, something's broken on this plane. Navigation system or something. We're just going to go back to the gate and get an engineer on board to fix it. We think it's a problem with the computer. So we go back to the gate. They say we're going to keep you all on the plane because it would take more time to get you all off the plane and on the plane than a wheel to, you know, it was an A380. So, you know, it was million people on board. So I sitting on the plane, I put on the Godfather part two because that's just my go-to film on planes and I start watching that halfway through. Part that comes back, turns out, turns out maybe it isn't the computer because we've replaced that and now he's going to have to replace a part, a sensor outside the plane. So first thing that occurs to you is we're hanging if they're actually fixing parts of the plane. This is more worrying. But putting that to one side because I don't worry about that kind of thing, I now realize I'm going to miss my connection. It turns out we were at that gate for I reckon a good three hours. Well, after the Godfather two had finished, I watched the whole of the Godfather part two just sitting at the stand on the plane. We ended up leaving three or four hours late. Missed my connection, missed the party, boohoo. But then had a fabulous time away on the island and had a really nice holiday. I also, also coming back my plane got delayed. But I didn't have as much buffer this time and I ran, I sprinted to make the connection and like I got on the plane puffing. It was like the sign was saying, you know, just closed, you know, final call and I ran and I ran and I got there and I was like, no one was at the gate except the staff and they let me on and I was like, thank goodness, sat down. And then the pilot comes on and says, oh, a whole bunch of planes have been late today. So we're just going to sit here for another hour or so and wait for all the other planes to arrive. So then I ended up sitting on the plane again. I could have gone shopping and still made that flat. The flying experience was unpleasant and because of such a short trip, it was all quite near each other and it's such a long flat. So I was feeling a bit negative about planes this week. But I had a really good time in Australia. Tell me your trip went really well and that will balance things out. I had the exact same experience with you flying because on our way out, my wife and I were going to Las Vegas and the plane broke down on the runway basically. No. You know how you were saying how the pilot tells you oh, they're trying to fix a sensor or something. I always feel like I was saying to my wife on the plane, why on earth is the pilot telling me all this stuff? Our pilot came on and he was a super chatty guy and he kept telling me all these things that just felt like, please don't tell me this. I'm just, you know what? Like, okay, the plane needs something fixed fine. That's all I need to know. But he starts coming on and he goes, oh yeah, we have the, there's a minor problem and we brought in some engineers and they're looking at it. He comes on 10 minutes later and he's like, oh, we got a big problem here. Our hydraulic system is leaking all over the place. He's like, it's the landing components of the plane. He's like, this is a big deal. We got to, we're going to be here for a while and the engineers need to come back in. Later, he's going, oh, it's a problem, not just with the hydraulics, it's with us. I'm like, why are you telling me this? I don't need to know this. I don't need to hear this. This is not information that is relevant to me. I don't, I don't, I don't want to hear about all the various components of the plane that are falling apart around me, right? Just it like has it passed the safety inspection to fly or not? That's all I need to know. And between then, you can just tell me, oh, there's a problem with the plane and we're working to fix it. Sorry for the delay. I don't, who wants to hear all these details? I mean, do you want to hear the, I guess it's, I guess you do. You probably do. I like a bit of info. I like a bit of info. Is there anything they could say that would make you get off the plane? Well, I mean, you can't get off the plane at a certain point. You know, I mean, I mean, there's nothing they could say that would make you demand to be let off. Well, I mean, I'm not even sure that they that they would, but I mean, I, I guess I kind of, if you came on and said we've had a bit of a problem with the hydraulics, but, and I'm not 100% happy with it, but we're going to go for it anyway. I think I might not be the only person requesting to leave under the sun. I can imagine everyone would just stay silent in England at least. Everyone would just be like, oh, well, must have grumble. Yeah, yeah, a lot of lamings would just say, oh, well, yeah, I'm sure. I, I thought what introverted CGP Gray would get up and demand to be let off would you you'd be you'd be the you'd be the saber athlete, would you? I think if I think of the pilot was like, I'm not 100% sure about this duct tape job they've done, but let's give it a go, shall we? I think I would I would really try to get off that plane. Because again, I mentioned it. I mentioned it last time, but I find I find when like you're flying over the like the endless deadly Atlantic ocean and your mind just just like I just I'm trying to sleep, but I will wake up and just suddenly think about thousands of feet below you was an endless black abyss of of nothingness, right? And you think it's a lot of water. Yeah, fish and yeah, things that can eat you right and cold death by exposure. And you know, it's just and you know, but I think that on flights anyway, but then to have it in addition like, oh, I wonder if they really taped that leap leap up good or not. But this is not it. This is not something that I really I really want to know about. So I'm always just I'm always just baffled when the pilots want to tell you about stuff. If a 30,000 feet the plane fails, the endless deadly Atlantic ocean and its body nibbling fish are the least of your worries. I hope I'm am I really honest to God, I hope, you know, but what happened then? So what how did I get resolved? Obviously the plane took off. Yeah, eventually eventually they took off, but we were we were on the ground for an hour and a half or so. Oh, nothing, nothing. Yeah, it would be nothing except my favorite part of this was the air conditioning wasn't working. They go they go, we have to shut down the air conditioning while they're fixing the hydraulics. It's only it was terribly, terribly uncomfortable being in a metal cylinder with a couple hundred other sweaty monkeys all generating monkey body heat. And I was just trying not to pay attention to any of it. But yes, eventually the plane did take off and we got there, but I'm always just baffled by the pilot announcements, even even just the normal ones like when the when the pilot comes on he's like, hey, let me tell you what the weather is in the city. I never I never feel a need for any of this stuff. I feel like they should have the little pilot channel for the people who want to hear this. They can tune into that and just leave everybody else alone. Nobody ever needs this information. It's available on the screens everywhere on the plane anyway. I don't get it. I'm always surprised they tell you the heights they're going to fly at as well because that that does seem especially that seems to serve no useful purpose, but does serve the possible purpose of scaring you about higher plane flies. Because it's like, well, we're going to go to 28,000 feet and then we're probably going to then move up to 30,000 feet later on. It's like, well, I don't I love planes and even I don't need to know that stuff. Yeah, I just I don't get any of this. I don't know I don't know why the pilots talk so much. And just every time that every time they come on, I just, oh, also now that you can listen to the entertainment system and movies like on demand so you can start them before the flight. It's always really annoying. Like it's always like, shut up. I don't care that you're about to close the duty free. I just want to watch my movie. Right. Like just does everything have to interrupt the movie? I understand maybe if they say sorry to interrupt the movie, but we're about to crash. Please get in the brace position. Fair enough interrupt my movie then. But don't interrupt my movie for all these in nine announcements. There's too many of them. Yeah, I completely agree. And this is why I don't use the in-flight entertainment system if I can possibly avoid it. I load up my iPad with everything I could possibly want to watch. Because in addition to just irritatingly stopping your movie, the pilot announcements are always so loud. I'm the levably loud. Right. It's like, oh, I'm sorry. I like I have to nice. I value my eardrums. I can't be exposed to random loud sounds that includes your voice pilot dude telling me about what the weather is eight hours from now in Las Vegas. And I think dangerously loud. I agree with you. I think that how loud that is dangerous. So pilots, maybe not so much talking. Man, we are such a grumpy old man. We are new. Anyway, anyway, we got to Las Vegas just fine. We didn't die because of the hydraulic system. The plane didn't skid to a crash landing in Vegas or anything. We landed just fine. But I had additional anxiety for no reason at all because the pilot was just too chatty. That was my flight. Yeah. So anyway, that was that basically you just don't you just don't like humans basically. You don't want to hear from them. You don't want to talk to them under most circumstances. Yes, that's that's entirely true. Do you want to also know why it's because humans cause most of the problems? Right, you watch that air crash investigator think how many times is it a human problem versus a mechanical problem? I'm going to bet it's hugely human problems. Well, and the mechanical things are made by humans. So everything comes back to humans. Well, there's personally, I blame the right brothers for everything. Yeah, that's that what you do. It can all be tracked back to them. I'm not sure it really works like that. I'm not sure that's really the case. But yeah, it's always a human problem. I'll be very happy when the planes are just totally automated when everything about them is totally automated. Yeah, that would be great. You've said something about security lines. Do you want to talk about that? Yes, actually, that's because I don't really have very much interest in to say about my vacation. I will be asking you about your vacation, but I do. I do have something else to complain about. I hope people don't mind. So several podcasts ago, we talked about how the security lines at airports, they really need big signs, big pictographs indicating what people should do. I flew out of Heathrow and getting through the security. But the sign says, take out your laptops. The only thing they indicate that you're supposed to take out. And as you know, the thing that irritates me most is how this comes to iPads and the most frustrating iPad experience. Okay, laptops out. We get to the front of the line and the lady then tells us, oh, you need to take out your iPads. Okay, great. So now my wife and I are digging through our bags for our iPads. We take the iPads out and then she looks at us and says, but not iPad minis after we had taken them out. And so she goes, those have to go back in your bag. Are you freaking kidding me? So you have to put it back in the bag. And this is the kind of thing that I just like, I don't even think that was a real rule. I think this is just something that she was thinking because I swear every time I go through Heathrow, it's different about the iPads. I'm not 64 gig minis, I only 32 gig. I was like, are you serious? This can't, this can't possibly be the rule. But show me somewhere at Heathrow where someone said, oh, we should do iPads out, but not iPad minis. That can't be true. I refuse to believe that that is true. Let's just probably just inch size and inches where there's a threshold somewhere and the mini and the normal iPad strand to that threshold. Yeah, I would believe that if it wasn't different every single time I go through Heathrow, I think it's just whatever the person happens to think it is. It's like, it's like the same shows, shows are like that too. Are those shoes you have to take off, but those ones you don't. Right. And so it was just, it's just a fury. And then so when we're flying out of Las Vegas, when we're coming back, it's the exact river. Oh god, the Las Vegas airport was the worst. But we're flying out and we take out our iPads now in advance. And at Las Vegas, they go, oh, please put those back in your bag. Don't take iPads out. Just laughed at us. It's like, God damn it. Like, you know, you could fix this. You could fix it with a f***ing sign right there that shows you a picture of what comes out of the bag. But no airport does this. Great. You know what? You know what? You're right. And it would help you. But as I have said before, people in airports are morons. And you could punch them in the face and tell them that they have to get their laptop out. Okay. And they would still get to the front of the line and go, I didn't know about the laptops. But listen, listen, surely that like the TSA agents, the security agents want the big signs there because I'm so aware of how on the line, the agents still have to address each person individually for this stuff that they just don't know. And they can't possibly know because there's no indication anywhere of what it's supposed to be. And okay. So flying out of Las Vegas was like an amazing experience with the security last. I can't believe how incompetently this is set up. It's McCarran, I think is the name of the airport, but whatever. It's the big Las Vegas one. So we get to the airport. And because I'm already now riled up from our flight out of Heathrow, like security lines are terrible. So now I'm looking around and paying attention to how this is going to work at Las Vegas. Not a one sign anywhere. No signs, no indication of shoes, belts, laptops, anything. All they have is a video that's playing above the place where you're supposed to queue. Now, let me tell you how much I hate these videos at airports because there's so little information that needs to be conveyed, right? Shoes, belts, iPads, laptops, jackets. They're like five pieces of information, but they'll manage to stretch it out in a video that takes five minutes and is trying to be funny, you know, showing funny situations of people like, oh, look at this doing it wrong. The videos take forever. But at Las Vegas, the thing that I thought was great was, oh, we arrived there and we happened to arrive at a time when there was basically no security line. So we could get right to the front of, we could get right to where we're supposed to do the bags. But we went, we went so quickly I couldn't even have watched the video if I wanted to. So I thought this is like an amazing self correcting system. If there's no line here because people get to the front, they can't have that possibly watched the video they were supposed to watch. Now they have no idea what to do. And suddenly it takes longer. It's like the system is designed to make sure there will always be a line because if it gets too short, the people at the front don't know what to do. And now it's going to take longer so that the people at the back can then have time to watch the video. It's like it's guaranteed to make sure there's always going to be a line. It's just infuriating. Just design, just put up a sign. That's all I want. Just a sign. The two things that, if the last sort of week or so that I've spent a lot of time with is airports and also I've spent a lot of time more than I usually do around some young children. And I've noticed something because to me, something I've realized about childhood is basically is just like children are really selfish and growing up is kind of a gradual process of becoming less selfish with a few little ups and downs along the way. But when you think about it, for example, there's nothing more selfish than a baby is there. A baby feels a mild inconvenience, mild pang of hunger and it just starts screaming and screaming until it gets fed. And then a younger kids, little little kids are quite selfish. And then you get a bit older and you start learning a few manners, but they're still pretty selfish really and they do some pretty, because they're still learning. I understand they're learning. And you get older and you learn manners and you learn, you know, other people have to have a turn. And then you become a grownup. What I think it is is that the baby is basically like a little monkey when it's born. And the process of growing up is the process of building layers of self-control on top of what is basically your monkey brain in the center of things. And your monkey brain is always screaming about whatever the hell it wants at the top of its lungs. But if you're grown up, you have many, many layers to try to keep this under control. But everybody still has that at their absolute core. What I think happens is when humans set foot in an airport, they become monkeys again. Because they become completely selfish. And everything is about getting on the plane first, for example, which is completely pointless, because you're going to arrive at the other end and get off in the order you have to get off in the other end anyway. But people become just ruthless about getting on the plane first or getting this and getting that. They become very... I'm going to disagree with you about getting on the plane. Simply because there is very often not enough space for the bags. So it does matter about getting ahead first. Okay. Well, they're still being super selfish because they become ruthless about it. They become ruthless like you wouldn't... Yeah, okay. I agree with you. But they are put in a situation that anyone would do this. Fair enough. I've never been a problem, but I accept that. The baggage coming off the plane and the carousel, I mean, I know, I know, I don't I do act in a video about that too with the selfishness of people and that. But that is ridiculous how selfish people are about. They're positioning to get bags off the carousels. Like everyone is just rammed right up against it to the point where you have to like battle through them to get your bag where it's everyone just stood back and relaxed. They would be absolutely fine. I find people's behavior in airports, an amazing mixture of utter stupidity and pure selfishness and it does my head in. Yeah. You don't feel good about people at an airport? I generally, you know what? I don't. I think there are very few redeeming things about airports these days. Except that they're the place you go to get to go to nice places. Right. Except that they magically whisk you across oceans. Yes. That is the upside. Yeah. And for that reason, I keep going to them. The thing that I find baffling talking about people being selfish or rude at airports is when you see like as much as I complained about the security line and how terrible things are set up, I cannot believe it when people are angry or rude to the security agents. I always feel like, what do you? You have a death wish? Yeah. You want to get pulled off into the special room? Like no, of course you do. But I am amazed that people can't keep it under control in the security line. I am sick. I am Saipala at Nostrad, it must owe my same weight. I am never more like turned up my I will be differential and respectful to authority knob. Right. That is at 11 when I'm on the security line. Like every mask, have you packed anything dangerous and you're checking in and stuff? Like the people checking me into, I am like those people get those people get lovely Brady. Exactly. Yeah. Everybody is sir or ma'am. It doesn't matter if they're a 19 year old drooling idiot. Right. It is yes, sir. Right. No, sir. Yes, ma'am. Yes, I patch my bags. Right. My whole share, the full sentence answers in every possible way that I can. Right. It's just that the person who goes through that security line is like a part of me that only exists in that security line. Right. That human is never alive at any other moment. Right. But he springs into existence to be super differential then and never again. In fact, that's how you met your wife in a security line. She's like, you've never been like that since. Where's the gray eye meeting that security line? Oh, it was years ago. Right. Yeah. You have to be a different person. But I am baffled when I see people being rude. I just feel like, man, what must you be like under normal circumstances? Because I'm assuming you're on your best behavior now. At what point would you stop being like that? Like if they did take you into the room, would you be like, would you like to check any other cavities? Well, you know, like, what point? I don't know. What point? Stop being that differential to them. What could they do that would make you the moment you do get taken aside is a moment. Things can change very suddenly. Right. Because the whole the whole point of being super polite and deferential is to get through unharassed. Yeah. Right. But the moment you're pulled aside for harassment is like, okay, now the strategy changes right now. It's time to lawyer up. And now this is this is a very different. This is a very different moment here. But anyway, how was Las Vegas? I can't imagine you in Las Vegas. Why not? Why can't you imagine me in Las Vegas? Because it's like, I think of Las Vegas as a place of like, fun. You don't think it me as fun? I don't think I don't imagine you enjoying fun. I think that's definitely impossible. What you're saying there. Yeah, but this is you who like, like I just imagine what most, I don't imagine you would find fun. What the mess is fine fun. And Las Vegas is all about what the mess is supposed to find fun. What do you find fun? What do you like about Las Vegas? I can see where you're coming from. Because I don't gamble and I don't smoke and I basically don't drink and I don't like staying up late at night and going to wild parties. So it seems like Vegas might not be the place that I should go. You love strip clubs there. Yeah. I was trying to imply that with the parties thing. Keep it family friendly here. What do you like then? So I really love Las Vegas. What? Tigers? I haven't I have not seen any of these shows now. I love Vegas because I feel like that is a city that is. It really knows what it is. And there's no place else on Earth like it. And even now I'm just really just talking about the strip because I'm going to go to Las Vegas. It's not like I'm exploring the suburbs. I have no idea what Las Vegas is like two parallel streets over from the strip. I've you know, I've never been there. I have no idea. There's just this tiny isolated island that is Las Vegas as far as I'm concerned. But I love just the ridiculousness of the whole city and and how it's it feels like it's really true to itself. We are going to have crazy resorts that would make no sense anywhere else in the world. Like oh, we're going to build New York City inside of a city. Yeah, let's do that. That's a great idea. We're going to have a gigantic pyramid just down the block. Thumbs up. This is a great idea. But then how do I I I respect that? But how does that keep you occupied other than looking at it and going? Nice one Vegas. I like what you've done there. Like other than looking at it from that perspective, what do you do? How do you engage with it? Like how do you spend your time? When I travel now, one of my primary things to do is just have downtime. I don't I don't travel to see things really anymore like I used to when I was kind of younger. I am now traveling in a very different way, which is trying to corden off a section of time from my regular working life where I can just do nothing. And my wife and I went to Las Vegas because we do really like that city. And it's like it's a great place to be able to rent a really nice hotel room for relatively cheap and to just be able to kind of like veg out. And we did see we did see a few shows while you were there. What did you say? We saw Love Rev, which was like this water. It was like a Cirque du Soleil style water show. It wasn't one of those things where it wasn't so much about the show itself. It was more about this amazing theater that they had built to do the show. That was very interesting because the whole center of it was just water and they were able to pour water down from the ceiling. So it was very interesting. And we saw it was called Zarcana or something like that, which was Cirque du Soleil. And I will, I've seen a lot of Cirque du Soleil shows because I've been to Las Vegas a lot. And apparently every single hotel is required by law to have a Cirque du Soleil show in Las Vegas. I think it's written to the charter. So I've seen a bunch of them. I would not recommend Sarkana as people's first Cirque du Soleil show if they've never seen something before. And the reason is my wife really nailed this one on the head because we're watching the show and I'm sort of frowning at it because one of the things they're doing is, okay, so they have all the acrobatics up front. But what they have behind are kind of two layers of screen where they're projecting stuff in the background so that they don't have to do the sets so much they can kind of change the feeling very quickly of the stage by changing what's being projected in the back. But they also then made the terrible, terrible decision to on those projectors also be displaying people who are in additionally doing acrobatics. So it's like you have the actual actors on the stage and then behind them they're playing pre-recorded people who have done stuff. But then of course they go crazy because like, well, this is all on the computer. We can make the people in the background do anything. And I was watching the thing the whole time like, I don't quite like this but I can't put my finger on it exactly. And when we came out my wife said that was the George Lucas special edition of Cirque du Soleil shows. It was like, bam, that was exactly it. Yeah, it was like the George Lucas trailer for the new Star Wars movie the scene that I love was like, oh, the original, there were two tie fighters. It would be more impressive. There were a million tie fighters. And the Cirque du Soleil show was like that. Are five people on stage impressive? Surely a thousand people dancing behind them on the computer is a thousand times more impressive. Doing better stuff by the sounds of you being like, oh, I think I'm missing a better show with the one behind the screen that looks really good. That's exactly that. Oh, we'll have them fly through space. We'll have them do all kinds of stuff they can't possibly do is like, no, no, this is much worse. This is much worse. So it wasn't bad. But I would not like if you've, if you've never seen a Cirque du Soleil show, I would not pick that as the first one to go to. Anyway, so we saw some shows, but mostly there was like a lot of lounging. Occasionally my wife and I would just walk through the casinos like we like to go see them and try out different restaurants and things, but it's a very, very, very low key. Did you gamble at all? Did you bet once? I did not bet once. No. Did you put a coin in a slump machine? I did not. Slump machines, slump machines are just two small stakes for me. They're just totally uninteresting. I agree. Slump machines are pretty poor. Yeah. It's like why, why even bother with this? Oh, I'm going to put it in a quarter and I can possibly win 10 quarters. Wow. Take my breath away with that excitement. You could win the big jackpot where the alarms go off and everything, but not even, not even all the slump machines have that. I don't gamble much, but if I'm going to gamble at all, I want a big payout. You do sometimes get, I've had some big payouts or slump machines. How big? That is quite a fun feeling. I don't know. A million dollars? Yeah, I've had a couple of million dollar ones, but I don't like to brag. Yeah. Now you have it. What if you won? $50? No, you have $50. $100 or something. Yeah. This is what I mean. When you gamble, mathematically, you are guaranteed to lose. This is how it works. I always think that casinos, they're like this hilarious testament to the fact that everybody loses. It's like this big alter to the fact that you will lose, but people still go in and gamble. If they find it fun, that's totally okay. Losing is more fun sometimes. Too they are. I remember going to a casino in Adelaide with some mates and right at the very star, I did some crazy bet and a one decent amount of money. I was quite young. It would have probably been like $100 or something, $200. To me, it was like a fortune. I was like, I'm a goodness. I'm the big winner. Everyone was like, Brady, it's amazing. You've just had a big win. I'm like, well, I'm not going to lose that now because I want to leave here a winner. I stopped gambling after 10 minutes. The rest of my mates just gambled all night and had fun and drinks and lost some and won some and had for hours had fun. I just sat there not gambling because I didn't want to lose my little win at the start and so I could leave happy as a winner. I had a miserable night and they had a brilliant night. So sometimes losing is more fun anyway. Yeah, it sounds like a terrible, there was a terrible strategy for an entertaining evening for you. I know. To go out with a bunch of people who want to gamble and then not gamble. Well, I wanted to gamble too, but I also wanted to be a winner. All right, so you were just overtaken by loss of version and you just sat there like a grump. Yeah. That's terrible. I remember I used to get the taxi home from a cab break near the casino and after one night out, I had like my cab fare left and I went to the taxi rank and then I thought, do you know what? And I went to the casino into the roulette table and put my cab fare down and said, if I win, I get a free cab home, but bet on black, you know, and if I win, I get my cab fare home and if I lose, I'll walk home as my punishment. And I won. Got a free cab home. As your punishment for being stupid, is that what you mean? Yeah. Yeah. But you went ahead with it anyway. Yeah. And it worked. But see that that's exactly the kind of bet I hate. So small stakes. So small stakes. Doubleing your money. Yeah. I mean, the roulette table has got to be some of the worst odds in Vegas. I mean, there's one thing I do love about Las Vegas is like the systems of it and the math of it everywhere. But the roulette tables, I think, is one of the worst worst gambling things that you can possibly do. The odds are terrible against you at the roulette table. It's very easy and unthreatening though, roulette for gambling like it's very, it's very, it's very, if you're not an experienced gambler, it's a very easy one to do. Yeah. But I think those things are related that it's super easy to do, but also has terrible odds. Games you need to learn more about you can make the odds less bad, but they're still terrible. But it requires more effort on your parts. You get more serious players going on. Is roulette that terrible when you do some of the highest stakes bets? It's pretty, it's pretty, you know, just towards the casino, isn't it? Like it's pretty, really that's pretty. I don't know. That's why I mean, I forget what it's be like, the maximum bet is something like 37 times your money back. But if you do the, if you just do the odds of what's the likelihood of the wheel landing on there, it's awful. Like they should be paying you a much higher amount if it was actually fair, which of course it isn't. But it's those two, the two zero things at the end that really kill everybody. But anyway, I still say that the small scale bets, I'm not interested in this. If I'm gambling, I would gamble in the lottery where I can win enough money that I never have to do anything ever again because I'm guaranteed to lose my dollar. Yeah, well, that would sound a lot less hollow if you ever gambled, oh, which you don't say. I have occasionally bought lottery tickets. Yeah. Yeah. So that you're asking me if I gambled in Las Vegas and the answer is no, because none of those bets interest me. But everyone, everyone's in a while I bought lottery tickets. I haven't, I haven't bought them recently because I think you could, you could make a graph of how sad do I feel about my life and how often have I purchased lottery tickets and those, those two things are super highly correlated. Like in my final terrible, terrible year of teaching, which was perhaps the worst year of my adult life, I'm pretty sure I bought a lottery ticket every Friday and I'm pretty sure that I haven't bought a lottery ticket in maybe two years now, maybe even a while. Definitely not since the podcast started. Yeah, definitely not since the podcast started. So yeah, I think that that graph would be the case. But yeah, I've gambled sometimes. It's okay. You're going to count that. But you like to do your, oh, I'll take a 50, 50 chance on just outright losing the money and costing myself an hour of my life. I do not like gambling. I'm not a big gambler. I will, I will have a go if I'm in Vegas just because it's like, you know, Vegas, baby, this is what we do. But you don't have to, you don't have to do it. You can go to Vegas and never gamble once. Yeah, I know. You could do that. You could, you could go to the moon and shut your eyes and never look at it as well. But if you're going to go to the moon, you go and look at stuff. If you're going to go to Vegas, you have a flutter. You have a what? A flutter. What's a flutter? That's, I think that's an Australianism for having a little gamble, but like just a little fun bet. Is it supposed to be like your heart is a flutter? Is that the idea? It's the same word. I don't know if it comes from your heart fluttering. I don't know where, I don't know what the origin of it is, but having a flutter is, is having a having a gamble. But yeah, a flutter. A flutter. It's a great national horse race tomorrow. You know, having a flutter on that? I do not know what this is. It's a horse race. I mean, I don't know that it's a horse race. There are no balls or shuttlecocks involved. Nothing will be thrown. Horses will run. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Are the horses actually running or two or three will die? Really? That's unfortunate. It is. It's terrible. Do people take bets on the horses that will die? No, I hope not. That would be terrible as well, but I remember I'm not a big fan of the bets wouldn't cause the horses to die. No, it's true. I'm not a big fan of jump racing, but I was sort of neutral about it until I one time I actually went to a jumps race. And I stood right next to the jump because I thought, oh, this would be really exciting because I'll see the moment the horse is jump over and maybe I'll see a crash and it'll be really interesting. And the horses came running up to the jump and the look on their faces like as they came up to the jump, but they were pulling back and they looked terrified. And I was like, oh, my goodness, this is horrible what they're doing. And as the horses approach the jump, I was like, oh, no, please, please, no one get hurt. And they all jumped over and I was like, oh, thank goodness. And they went around and did another lap and they came up to the jump again. And I was like, please, please, please, horses, I promise I'll never come to the jump races again. Just I hope you all get over it. And they went over and one of them fell over and they had to kill it in front of me. Well, what a delightful afternoon that sounded like. It's terrible. Have you ever been back? No. I am having a flutter on the Great National tomorrow though. But I don't I'm not I'm not a big fan of jumps racing. I do love animals. And I probably shouldn't be betting on the race tomorrow. Now I think about it. But Yeah, that sounds terrible. It was my wife's fault. She emailed me and said, pick a name that you like the look of. And I just look at the names of the horses and pick one that has something to do with the moon. And I always bet on that one. And there was one called tranquil sea, which sounded like sea of travel. Yeah, there you go. Did you see how we go? Did you win? Did your horse die? Well, people listening will know I do not at the moment because at the race there's not. Oh, oh, you're you're right. It's tomorrow in Brady and great time. It's two or three days ago in podcast listener time. I hope sea of tranquility doesn't die then. That'd be really more but say, it's right. So if it dies, what are you going to do? Are you going to edit the podcast? No, I'm not going to edit the podcast. I'm just it's I'm going to finish this in the next couple days. Oh, wait, the race is tomorrow. Yeah. I'll tell you if it dies and you can decide it won't die. It won't die. You know what? Don't tell me because I'm just going to leave this in here anyway because you're the monster who is encouraging the horse death race. What's it called? A grand national. The grand national. Yeah, it's like the most famous horse race in the country you've lived in for the last 10 years. And it's like a real institution of the country. Just because something is the most famous thing in a country doesn't mean everybody knows about it. There's like an endless number of most famous whatever's in a country. But like if you met if you met like a 35 year old American and they'd never heard of the Kentucky Derby, what would you think? I mean, I've I don't know what that is and I'm not American. Okay. Because it's like your job to know things like that. I only know about the Kentucky Derby because I happened to be in Kentucky once when the Derby was going on. I'm sure as a kid, if someone had said to little great baby Gray, name a horse race, that's the horse race you'd know. I'm not sure I would have been able to pull that out of my brain before you just mentioned it. I mean, now, yeah, I know the name Kentucky Derby. But why should why should people know about the most famous thing of whatever does it mean anything? I think it is good. What's the most famous car race in the UK? Well, in the UK, you would have probably the British Grand Prix at Silverstone and I can name the two or three most famous race. I can name the Daytona 500 and I can name the Indy 500 and I can name the Le Mans 24 hour race. Like I can name the most famous of things because I think that's just part of being like a person. Like part of general knowledge is even if you don't know about something to know something of it. Don't you think? Obviously not. No. I couldn't have named that car race. I think you just happen to know this stuff because you follow the news more than I do. I've never followed cricket. No, cricket is a bit more forgivable but because it's a bit more niche. But I think you should be able to name like a famous horse race. This is all under the umbrella of sports. That's what it seems like. This is all sports. All right. What about a famous painting or a famous Beatles song or a famous building? I think you should know like the famous... I'm not an expert on architecture but I could name like a couple of famous buildings and I'm definitely not an art expert but I could name a couple of famous paintings and Mona Lisa, Stary Knight, Jackson Pollock is not a painting but he's a painter. Oh, I know one of his because I grew up fascinated by the blue pulse by Jackson Pollock. Scream. Oh, is that the name of it? Is that the name of it? The scream? I don't know. It's probably not. Oh, okay. So you don't know either. You're just showing off. I can name paintings too. The door, the grand latte, the iPhone plus painting. That one's very famous. I'm looking around my room trying to think of things. I don't know what you're talking about. I know of course I don't but I know a couple of things and I think you should know what the grand national is. Okay. Is the race where horses die? They're Brady bets on them. Yeah. All right. And you should also know that cricket is not played with a shuttlecog. Apparently not. My whole life will be different now. Now that I know that piece of information, I just can't imagine how different my life is going to be. Yeah. The next time I talk to you, I will know that piece of information and everything will be different. All right. Life is not just about knowing what you need to know to make it to the next day. Life is not about. I agree. I agree. But there is there is an infinite amount of things to know and you always seem to think that I should know the things that you know. Well, no, but I just can't figure out what the things you know are except for like, you know, how to work on many focus. I think only focus is sponsored today. Perfect. Do you? Hello, Internet. Yes. This episode is indeed brought to you by Omni Focus. Brady had no idea before we started to record. So this is just the greatest ad transition ever. I have talked about it many times on the podcast and definitely a lot on Twitter. But in case you are unaware, Omni Focus is a complete task management system. You are able to and I definitely do boil your complex life down into something manageable and easy with a system that covers everything. Omni Focus can hold your personal projects and your work projects and any other projects that you have all within the same system, but allow you to look at things separately. So you can say, I just want to see the projects that I can do when I'm home or I just want to see the projects that I can work on when I'm at the office. You don't have to see everything in your life at once. Omni Focus is really, really great at allowing you to cut down and to filter out stuff that you don't need to see right now, but you do want to keep track of. Omni Focus works on your Mac or your iPad or your phone so you can have access to your whole life everywhere. I personally like using my Mac for more heavy lifting with Omni Focus when I'm really sitting down and trying to get an overview of my entire life and how to arrange all of the projects that I'm working on. And I like to use my iPhone for some very quick checking off of things like when I'm doing errands or when I'm just cranking through a couple of checklists. Just boom, boom, boom, hit those buttons on the iPhone. It's very satisfying. And everything syncs together automatically using their free, open, and secure Omni Presence. So anything that I add or complete on my iPhone is there on my Mac as well. There's so much to talk about with Omni Focus. I almost don't know what to do for this ad read and I'm just so excited that they're sponsoring the show. Probably the best way I can describe it is that Omni Focus is just the control center for my entire life. Everything that I have any commitment to doing, it goes into Omni Focus. I track all of my video production and Omni Focus. I track all of the podcast production and Omni Focus. I track all of the personal projects in my life and Omni Focus. Everything that I need to do goes in there. I don't know how I would manage my business today without Omni Focus. If you feel like you need to get your life more organized, Omni Focus is an excellent, excellent app. Now you don't have to take my word for it that Omni Focus is great. You can try it out and they are so confident in their program that they offer a money back guarantee. That is not something you're going to find very often. There is no downside to trying out Omni Focus. Go right now if you're listening on your iPhone, open up that app store, type in Omni Focus, download the app, give it a go. One final thing. I don't know if you've heard or not, but Apple, they're coming out with some kind of watch. Omni Focus is going to work there too. I cannot recommend it more strongly. Go check out Omni Focus and thank you very much to the Omni Group creator of many, many wonderful apps that I use for sponsoring this episode of Hello Internet. That's going to be really awkward transition if it's not Omni Focus. I think it's time to move away from our official sound effect and just use a recording of us going to do it. Do you think the listeners would like that? Anyway, I'll stop berating you for your lack of knowledge of horse racing. Thank you. I don't know why as well as you so much. You're back from Vegas and you've been moaning about jet lag. I am out of my mind with jet lag right now. I have to admit. You warned me that there was a possibility you would throw up from jet lag. Is that a thing that happens? That happens with me routinely. Wow. Yeah. This is yet another reason why I don't like to travel very much. But going west is relatively easy because when you go west you just have to stay up later, which is kind of easier to do and you tend to wake up earlier, which is something I like doing anyway. So it's fine. But when I come back to London, I am in terrible shape for a week. And I'm really not back to normal for about two weeks. This is just the way it has always happened. And people before close your Twitter and email clients right now people, because I already know about every app in the world, which is supposed to help with jet lag. I have already tried various melanin and sleep pill treatment. I've done all of this. I'm aware. Trust me. I've looked it so you can close that client. I don't need to hear about it. But say to your peak right, there's one thing that always works for me. Thanks, nerd. So yeah, I'm still going to hear from those people. No, I'm going to hear from them send them an email that he'll send to me. That's his favorite. But yes, I just I just react very poorly to this. I think it's partly because I just I don't react very well to missing out on sleep as it is. And what I've been doing now because I when we're recording, I arrived yesterday morning. And like it takes me a while to break out of this bizarre like quadrophasic sleep schedule that I get into when I come back, which is to fall asleep for a couple of hours and then be awake for maybe five or six hours and then fall asleep again for a couple of hours and then be awake. It's like, I can't sleep when I want to and I fall asleep when I don't intend to. And it is just is really hard for me to break out of that. And it takes a while. And I tried absolutely everything. But it is bad enough that I just I routinely do throw up when I come back when I travel eastward anyway far enough. And I just feel really terrible. I mean, even as it is right now, I apologize to everybody if I've been a little bit weird on this podcast because I feel like I'm in a dream state right now. Like this isn't quite real. Everything feels weird. It's like is Brady real? Am I real? Even at this very moment, like my teeth don't feel real. Like I'm very, very overtired and feeling absolutely terrible. And this is one of the very many reasons why I don't like to travel and sometimes when you know, you get offers to do like speaking things people like, oh, hey, why don't you fly out to America and you know, you can you can do like a talk at this thing for a weekend. And always I have to do the mental calculation of, oh yes, it would be a day to do this thing plus two additional weeks of terrible. Oh, figuring out if my tether row. Yeah. Yeah. Plus two additional weeks of feeling awful and wondering if my teeth are real. Yes, that's true. So it is, it is awful. And because I know this, like when we've done, when we did the random acts thing or the couple of YouTube conferences that we've done, because those are events where I have to be like a normal sane person and going west is easier. But even then, I always try to schedule it so that I, if I can, I visit my parents on the East Coast for maybe a week to like adjust to the time change before then going on because like if I had gone straight from London to Alabama, I would have been hallucinating by the time the show came out, especially with Destin's crazy schedule. So any any time I travel, if it's really important, I have to do I have to do it in like little stages. Otherwise, I just feel awful. So I am not expecting to be very productive over the next week. I like I'm starting to get this podcast out and that's like my one goal for the next several days is can you edit the podcast? I think I can do that, but I'm not, I'm not back into my normal writing working schedule just yet. I don't know. You're not hard as now. I am not hard as nails. I am not like you because you, you fly to Nepal and get right up in the morning and hunt down an antelope and skin it and eat it with your bare hands. Is that what you do? Is that how you travel? I the only part of that I don't like the sound of is the morning. I am not a morning person. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But yeah, I'll wait till the afternoon to skin my antelopes. Right. Right. In Australia. You know, because when you're going to Australia, you're traveling east. Yeah. Right. Or maybe it's so it's so far around, I don't know how. I mean like I think it's so far around that it doesn't count anymore. It doesn't make any difference anymore. Yeah, because when you talk about, oh, I'm going to go to a friend's birthday party in Australia. All I can think about is, is I was literally talking about my wife with this before. But oh, what if we ever want to go New Zealand someday? And I'm immediately trying to plan out how we could strategically move time zones a day at a time to get to to get to New Zealand. It's like, okay, here's how we're going to do. We're going to travel west. We're going to go to the west, the east coast of the United States for a couple days. Then the west coast, then we'll go to Hawaii and then maybe we'll go to New Zealand. And that's the only way I could do it without just losing my mind. Have you been to Australia? I have never been to Australia. I have never been to New Zealand. Well, why are you not planning to go to Australia? I was just mentioning New Zealand because that's been an art travelist for quite a while. Why Australian on your list? It's full of spiders and it's like a big empty desert. Is that is that accurate? Spiders in a desert? Like I love the desert. I love the desert. I think I mentioned before my favorite part of America is the American Southwest. What does Australia have that is better than the American Southwest? And don't tell me the rock? Australians? I know lots of Australians here. I don't need this later. I don't need to go to Australia to talk to Australians. Every school I've ever worked in is filled with Australians. Every podcast you do, you talk to an Australian. This is true. I talk to an Australian all the time. Let's move on to selling point. Let's move on before you upset me. And if you upset me, you upset your mum. You can't hold this over at me all the time. I'm going to try. Let's move on to some topics. I think after an hour and a half we've done enough follow-up catch-up. Let's actually talk about stuff. Oh, have we not? I don't even know what we're doing anymore. Where am I? Great. Just listen to me. Just listen to me for one moment. Are you ready? Yeah, okay. Your teeth are real. I swear to God, they feel like they're not. They feel all fuzzy. I didn't want to talk about this, but I feel like we have to talk about this for a few reasons. Okay, what is this? And that is the Apple Watch. I feel like we have to talk about the Apple Watch. The main reason being I think in two weeks the landscape will have changed and the things I'm thinking now might not be things anymore. And I want to get them off my chest while I still think them. Oh, you have, please do go ahead. What's on your mind about the Apple Watch? Well, I don't like it. Very quickly. For the record, today is April 10th, which is the first day people have been able to see and or preorder the watch. That's the context for whatever you're about to say. Okay. And the few reviews have come out in the last couple of days. So we're getting the first idea of what people think of it. Now, I'm going to have an, I don't know what your position is yet. I don't know if you're pro or anti. I'm, my guess is you're becoming pro. That's just, that's just the feeling I've got from nothing. But I'm anti, but I want to start, I want to start off with a few little caveats and explanations. Okay. Context. The first one is I'm not anti-gadget watchers. I grew up obsessed with the idea of gadget watches. You know, calculator watches. I was just about to ask, did you have a calculator watch? Yeah. And actually, I have one now that I six months ago, I wore for a few weeks just for the fan of it and I quite like it. And also, I used to have a watch called a Citizen Wind Surfer, which was quite gadgety and had unnecessary displays on it. But I thought it was really cool. So I grew up quite obsessed with gadget watches. Also, I'm not anti-Apple. You know, I use lots of Apple stuff and I really like it. I think Apple overall makes my life easier and more beautiful than the alternatives. So I'm pro Apple as well. There was something else I wanted to say, but I forgot what it is. But the most important thing, and I haven't told, I haven't told the listeners this yet, but it's time to tell them. And that is, I have acquired my dream watch. I do now have, and I have had for a few months, my Amiga Speedmaster. So this is now permanent resident on my wrist. Some of the listeners have figured this out. Yes. Because one of our videos on the Hello Internet YouTube channel was nothing but gorgeous close-ups of N Amiga Speedmaster. Some people put two and two together and realized that was Brady's Amiga Speedmaster. Yes. So I have got that watch. And obviously that makes the real estate of my wrist occupied and I'd be reluctant to replace it with an Apple watch. So that's where I'm starting from. And as you told me at the time, one of the reasons you got it when you did was precisely because the Apple watch was coming out. If you were ever going to do it, this was the time to make a statement about watches on your wrist. It is kind of the year of the watch, isn't it? So that's kind of my position. And I might have a couple of things. The other thing I wanted to say is I am aware of the reviews of it, obviously. And the thing we're saying is I have not yet even seen one. Even from a distance. I have not been near one other than obviously all the promotional pictures. So there's me and I am not. I just don't have the idea of them as well at the moment. And I do realize in a few weeks this may all change and in six months I may be wearing one every day. But for now, that's my position. Would you wear it on your other wrist so that you have the Amiga Speedmaster on one wrist and the Apple watch on the other? I would not do that. No. No, that would be stupid. Would it? Of course it would. I think you could pull it off, Brady. Now you are a watch wearer. You have a very lovely watch, old-fashioned watch. Where are you standing at the moment on the Apple Watches? You are right. I have changed my position on the watch for a couple of reasons. And I did two things today. One was that I pre-ordered an Apple Watch. And two was that I booked an appointment at the Region Street Apple Store to go in and actually take a look at them in person. Now, unfortunately, as I mentioned because of my horrible jet lag, this morning at 8 a.m. London time was the time to pre-order. And I went to bed last night and I sat in the alarm for 7.30 so I could get up in time. And luckily, I woke up at two in the morning and then I was awake from two in the morning until some unknown time when I fell asleep in a different room separated from my alarm and woke up at about 8.40 a.m. to do the pre-order, which was about a million years too late because everybody in the world was staying up to pre-order their Apple Watches. And so by the time I got there, they were already backordered until June, which made me very sad. But so, Chris, you jet lag, I hate you for the way you make me feel. I hate the way you just cost me several months of Apple Watch time possibly because after I ordered the watch, I immediately just fell asleep again and then I woke up and I thought, you know what, let me actually go out and take a look today. And I was able to book an appointment amazingly. I couldn't believe they had anything available and yes, we might not see them in person. So I am more pro Apple Watch now than I was before. Why? Why? Well, there are a couple things that have changed since the last time we spoke. One of which was my big complaint last time was I have weighed too many things to charge and I don't want another thing to charge. But since we spoke that time, Apple has actually killed off from a two devices that I normally babysit. Number one is my Fitbit because now my phone takes over for keeping track of walking. So I've totally ditched my Fitbit. And as we discussed at great length, I have also given up on my Kindle. So I don't have the Kindle anymore. I'm using my iPad and my iPhone to read instead. So I'm still at a net win for charging devices. I went down to and then up one now for the Apple Watch. So I'm feeling like I came out ahead on this. So I could have stayed down to. But anyway, yeah, but I'm still like I'm at a net win for this. Right. It's not like I have one additional thing. Okay. And the second thing is seeing what Apple has done with notifications and the way they're trying to make it work seems really interesting to me that I don't get a lot of notifications. But I do like the idea of being able to select a very few that I can just see what they are quite quickly on my wrist without having to take out my phone. So for example, setting my wife to be a notification. So when she instant messages me, I can just see that immediately on the wrist. I don't have to take the phone out of my pocket because this is going along with also getting my iPhone 6 Plus. I feel like these two devices were kind of made for each other that the iPhone 6 Plus is something that you don't necessarily want to take out of your pocket just all the time at a whim. And like the Apple Watch is a nice companion device for that. So you have like your big phone in your pocket and you have the watch on your wrist. And the watch is doing like notification triage that there's an additional level of filter here so that you can check it out quickly. Over time, I've just become much more interested in what it can do as Apple has talked more about the specifics. And I'm just curious to see how it works. And like it's an interesting product. And I'm excited enough about it now that I think, you know what? I'd like to give this a try. I'm not exactly sure how it's going to fit into my life or how it's going to work. But I've crossed a little tipping point into deciding, yeah, I'm going to pre-order it and I'm very curious to see how this goes. What do you think about that? I think I think buying something I'm making it out of your life just because you're curious. I don't know. I don't know what I think about that. It's a bit like when I've got my very first iPhone, I had a dim notion of, oh, situations where I might use it. And of course, I just had no notion of how life changing that device was going to be. I don't expect that the Apple Watch is going to be the same level because going from not having the internet at all to having the internet everywhere you go was amazing. It was just such a huge difference. But I can see the watch being maybe in an order of magnitude less life changing, but still interesting enough in ways that I can't quite anticipate now. And also ways that I think you just can't know unless you actually try it out. I got the iPhone 4. So there were iPhones for a long time before I got mine. And I had been hearing people talk about how different their lives were once they got those phones. But here it like that didn't make any difference to me. And it didn't seem real until I actually got one. And then I understood, oh, here's how I can use it. Here's how this is useful to me. So that's kind of how I think about that's kind of how I think about the watch is I'm interested enough to purchase it and to try it. How's grumpy Brady doing over there? Well, let me start let me start with me specifically. Please do. And obviously I have now become an extreme edge case because I now wear a watch that is like quite niche and quite like I don't think that makes you an extreme edge case. No, no, no, but like it's like like my watch is with more than Apple watch for a start. And it's like quite it's like a luxurious thing. But so it so that would be you know that would mean demoting something that's quite precious to me. Has become quickly become quite precious to me. So so obviously that's there's there's a resistance there. But also I understand the Apple watch is a lot nicer looking than then it appears in pictures. I accept that will be the case. I don't know, but I don't particularly like the look of the thing that I will take people's word for it that it actually looks really nice in real life. I don't particularly like how it looks. The thing is at the moment like my watch is is purely a device that brings me happiness and pleasure and nothing else. Like like I like how it looks it's like ornamental. I tell the time with it you know a bit but and I look at it and it makes me happy because I think about you know obviously it's this Apollo moon watch so I think about the moon and the heritage of it. And it's a manual watch that I have to wind and I quite like the little process of doing that. It's like a little happy ritual and I feel it clicking and every morning. And at the moment it is purely it's purely decadent. It's just a it's just a it's just a it's just a thing of beauty and happiness. Right. And that's all it is. I think you'd like your Amiga speedmaster a lot less if it also beeped every time you got an email. Yeah it's just it's just a it's just a nice thing in my life. Now I see the Apple watch will have a usefulness you know how useful it is I don't know we'll find out over time. Pretty smart people are making applications for it so I imagine it will become useful pretty quickly. But also with that comes another thing to distract me another thing to cause me stress when the wrong person emails me or notifies me another thing that I worry about how much charge is left on it another it's just another it's just another thing and my phone is already this incredibly dominant feature of my of my life that has become this you know very useful and I couldn't live without it but it has also become this anchor and I don't want another anchor and I know this sounds really old-fashioned as well but where is this going to stop like where is the where is the slow creep of useful useful things that have to be go from being beautiful to being functional going to stop like at what point are we going to say well how stupid is it to wear earrings just for ornamental sake when they could also have headphones in them or you know why we're a wedding ring why is your ring not a smart ring that's stupid like where is the line here like at what point at what point are we going to just say okay there's there's useful work things and there's you know there's functional things and here are things that are just like nice and pretty and and I know technology can be nice and pretty but I just feel like it's this this technology is like this virus or this thing that's just spreading into everything else and now it's going to spread onto into watches as well and I don't know you are definitely right that technology spreads and this is a function of technology getting smaller and cheaper all the time so it it makes sense to put tiny computers in all kinds of things that it wouldn't have made sense to put tiny computers in five years ago and five years from now many more things will have tiny computers inside of them but just because you can't does that mean you should well well all the light bulbs in my house now have tiny computers in them like when we moved in here I replaced all the light bulbs with the hue the Phillips hue light bulbs so they can be adjusted all the time and that's something I really like I thought oh this is let me just try this out this will this will just be like a fun thing and maybe it'll occasionally be useful and now it is just absolutely love it and my wife and I love the fact that we can just from control center really quickly turn on or off the light bulbs or or put it into movie mode or all these kinds of things that we couldn't have done before so that's a that's a case of where putting a tiny computer in a in a light bulb might sound stupid but then actually once you do it you realize oh this is quite useful that that right there is the key is is the thing useful to you and while Brady I might very strongly recommend that you say try the six plus next time around when you get a phone I am not pushing you to get a to get an Apple watch and the reason is because everything I know about you suggests me the Apple watch might be terrible for you because you seem to live a life that is constantly bouncing between things you bounce between email you bounce between Twitter you always check lots of stuff and since that is your fundamental personality it feels to me like a phone is as far as you need to go you think you're giving drugs to a drug addict in a way yeah the last thing you need is Twitter on your phone or sorry the last thing you need is Twitter on your watch I don't think that's good for you I am really locked down with all of my technology and I'm going into the Apple watch with the assumption that this will be the most locked down device that I have and if it is useful to me in one or two cases that's a win that's great for me but I I would not I would not recommend this for you right away say oh you need you need to go get an Apple watch Brady you'll love it I could actually see an Apple watch just destroying your entire life piece by piece because you just you just constantly getting notifications all the time now and and that that would just not be good there are a whole bunch of reviews that came out about the watch did you happen to see the one that the Verge did it was a knee-like tell I think is the guy's name he did a video review no I've not I've not signed up I would say if people are going to to check out two reviews because I read a bunch of them and I thought I was so I read a whole lot I would say the two to check out our John Groober's written review which is very different from the rest yeah I have read so he wrote he wrote a review and then I think the Verge's knee-like tell did a video review and I think those two together give you a very good sense of the watch but there was there was one little moment in knee-like tell's review where which I found very frustrating where he's talking about because he's had the watch for a week and he's talking about how distracted he finds himself and he did make one very good point about how looking at your watch comes with a whole lot of cultural baggage which is not something that really occurred to me but of course when someone looks at their watch in front of you there's almost no more indirectly rude gesture that you could possibly make to a person yeah and so he was complaining that because he's getting notifications on Twitter and email and Instagram likes that that the people around him are aware of how distracted he is and all I could think of was well this is your own damn fault right you you you have left all of these notifications on if you're going to get a watch and you're going to leave all of those notifications on you shouldn't own a watch like that's that sounds terrible you you're going to lock it down so much that only the most extreme notifications make it to your wrist then why bother in the first place why not just have your phone vibrate in your pocket if you're going to if you're going to use it so little that it's not saving you taking your phone out of your pocket 50 times a day then what's the watch saving you at all it's saving you two or three times taking your phone out of your pocket well that's hardly worth it the iPhone 6 plus is designed to stay in the pocket more so I'm I am looking at the watch as like an extension of my iPhone 6 right and so I want to I'm imagining that the limited notifications that I want are primarily from family maybe from Brady depending on how much he messages me but I I can see it being really useful to know in a different way about certain kind of notifications so when I went to the Apple store today for example the thing that was really interesting is you can put it on your wrist and you can't use it on your wrist but it runs through a little a little demo loop and the the thing that they have is this is this tap notification that makes it feel like the watch is tapping your wrist and and that to me seems like the primary selling feature of I can see wanting to route different kinds of notifications through this system so that when someone messages I know that it is my wife in this there's very immediate way and that's where I can see the the watch being useful and there are other scenarios where I can imagine the watch being useful but I think I need to actually have it to try it out and to see how it works this is a piece of technology that I wouldn't be surprised if I get the watch and through using it feel like you know what this actually isn't super helpful I wouldn't be surprised by that whereas with the phone when I got it it was it was obvious that this is going to be come part of my life even though I don't know how whereas the the watch feels like there is a much greater possibility that I could get this watch and return it very quickly within the window of like you know what this just this isn't for me eventually at some point I will have a watch but do I want to start with the first generation maybe not you know I'm getting it because I think the the odds are it will be useful but I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that I don't actually like it that I too find it a bit too distracting or not as helpful as as I want but the bottom line is I think if you are a notification junkie if this is your personality type which I kind of think you are you like you shouldn't get the watch I don't think if you are the kind of person who is more on my end of the spectrum of being very deliberate and and very much locking down your technology then I think the watch sounds like it has more possible use for you so that's that's the way but this is just very exploratory for me and I'm and honestly I'm just very interested in this piece of technology so that's all that's one reason why the look of it what did you think of touching it and saying it I have not seen it what was that what was your impression yeah so it was interesting actually I'll just send you I took a picture at the Apple store today so I took a photograph of it on my wrist and one of the reasons I wanted to see them in person is because you just have no sense of them looking at the Apple page yeah in no small part because Apple shows you these ginormous photographs of the watch right like I'm trying to look at a picture of the Apple watch but I'm on a 27 inch monitor and so the watch is two feet across on my screen it's like wow that looks really big yeah it is very different looking at them in person and I like them better than I thought I would in person some of them some of them I liked much less so I think you do even if you pre-ordered the watch you should still go into the store and take a look at them because they're just different than you think they're going to be and you have to handle them so I would say overall it was it was very positive I was I was impressed by some of the watches and it does look big on your wrist and you I mean you're not you're not a tiny guy you've got you know you know solid arms and big hands and stuff so and it looks big it looks big oh you know I didn't have to say that like you're not a fat guy but you're like you're a big you're a big big guy and I'm taller than you is that what you're trying to say yeah you're bigger than me I imagine your wrist and hands a bigger than mine and it looks big on your hand yeah that that is the 42 millimeter version of the watch and I I like that one the one the one that I sent you the picture of is I tried out and I pre-ordered the link bracelet watch yeah and one of the things I did like about it is it's it's a heavy watch like I've always really liked weighty watches and the only other one that I was considering was the black aluminum watch with the the sport band and I tried that one out and when I picked it up it felt like a feather it felt like it just weighed absolutely nothing right which I know it shouldn't matter but I find that a very unpleasant experience in a watch I always want to feel a watch on my wrist when I wear it and so the the link bracelet one was like was very solid in the hands and so I found that I was like oh very good that like this a lot I hope Apple doesn't actually spend all of their time and engineering effort trying to make it constantly lighter and lighter yeah but that's why some some people will absolutely hate that and they'd want a lighter watch so you have you just have to try them in person but it was it was very interesting going into the Apple story now they they had all of the watches kind of locked underneath the desk and the guy would bring them out and you could try them on and and see them so I got to just take a look at a bunch of them like the millenies bracelets it was it was just a very interesting experience and it's a very interesting piece of technology it's not nicer than my spade master is up you know what the thing is you know the thing is Brady it's like comparing apples and kiwi fruit yeah they're just they're totally different objects designed for totally different purposes and one of the things that does make me slightly concerned did come from Gruber's review is talking about how often you glance at a watch without realizing you're glancing at a watch yeah and that's something I know I do all the time is just looking at my watch to get a sense of what the time is but because the Apple watch screen isn't on constantly it requires a gesture to know to wake up to show you the screen and that might be something that just drives me crazy and that might be a reason to to return the watch if I find it's not something that I can get used to because I am aware of how much I sort of subtly turn my wrist to look at the watch and see what time it is yeah also what I what I really want to know is how do I check what time it is when I'm in the theater or something like in Las Vegas I'm watching these shows I definitely looked at my watch during those shows but I don't want to do that if it's going to turn on and be really bright in a dim theater there are lots of little weird social questions about how is this going to work and I can imagine a whole audience of people with digital watches that light up every time they rotate their wrists being super distracting and in something like a theater situation no I'll say what happens I'm not happy about it but the lucky thing is Brady that there's no requirement that you get a watch well I know but you know maybe it'll become a thing and then I'll have to you but no you but you don't have to do you literally never have to buy this no I know I mean there's lots of things I don't have to do but you can't have to I do not think that the watch will become as required as a smartphone is I don't have to have a smartphone I am the this is exactly it you don't have to have a smartphone either but I think we can safely say that there is there is a certain level of expectation that almost everybody has a smartphone at this stage and there are very many things in your life that would be more difficult without the smartphone but maybe that's going to happen with watches my my suspicion is that 90% of the benefit of being connected to the internet and having a tiny computer on you all the time comes from the phone and there may be additional benefit to be gained from the watch but I think you can live without the watch for a very long time I think that I think the watch is going to become standalone though just like initially an iPhone was nothing without a computer and now your iPhone is standalone I think watches will become standalone and eventually may replace the phone of course the watch will eventually be standalone but it's always going to be limited by being a smaller screen that's why I think you can hold on to your phone and just wait until we get to the retinal implant stage and that's what I'm looking forward to we're not there yet you know the watch isn't in between in between device hey everyone this episode has been sponsored by backblaze backblaze is online backup for your computer for just five dollars a month now I use backblaze myself and it's one of the best computery things I've ever done about a year or so back I reckon now I had a catastrophic computer failure I lost a lot of data not everything and yes I had my time capsule so I did rescue a lot but some stuff was gone forever it was a real wake up call and I'm sure you can imagine the disapproving grunts and size that Grey made when I told him about it and he told me then as he had a million times before that I needed online backup something out of the house something safe something in the cloud and at that point long before hello internet existed I signed up for backblaze now since signing up I haven't had a problem I've not needed the backup but one day I might and I'll tell you something else for five dollars a month you cannot buy the piece of mind I get from having it it's always working on my computer in the background gradually backing up files over the internet it's like magic and I live without the stress of having all my eggs in one basket here at the house you can't put a price on that and I'd be saying the exact same thing even if backblaze weren't sponsoring this podcast which they are and which we're grateful for a few extra things worth telling you if you do have a big time failure they can send you a hard drive with your data all backed up so you don't have to take everything back down through the internet tubes like it was uploaded I think there is a fee for that but that's pretty handy and we'll save you a lot of time they also have an app where you can remotely access individual files that you've backed up from your computer which I think's quite nifty you can do that if you're away from the house now you can trial backblaze without a credit card give them a go start a backup and see what you think of the whole setup I think once you see it there's a really good chance you'll be signing up for good luck I did go to backblaze.com slash hello internet that way when you do sign up they'll know you came from the podcast which is handy for us that address again backblaze.com slash hello internet I cannot recommend them highly enough it's a really good service it's brilliant it is working right now as I speak on my computer and it has made my life a lot more relaxing let's talk about oh god should we it's so we I think we have to I think we have to I think people will expect us to oh god I go out to edit the edit down the intro yeah well that's your problem is my problem do you want to skip it and let it shake out for another two weeks okay you know what let's just let's just try to do this quickly let's at least just let's just at least touch on it because this is one of the rare times that our podcast will come out relatively soon after we've actually recorded it and some piece of news has come up so everyone is gonna I mean we've already seen people want us to talk about the the latest machinations with the YouTube subscription yes yes do you want to give a quick executive summary of the state of play as we record well the state of play as we record is as always with YouTube somewhat uncertain but the gist of it is that YouTube has announced that they are intending to at some point in the future have a subscription service where people pay YouTube money in exchange for not having ads on YouTube videos yeah and there are no real concrete details I think you and I can both say that or I assume you have as well we have received emails from YouTube telling us that they would like us to review their new terms and conditions and oh won't we please accept them that are are paving the way for this to eventually happen they've been quite proactive about that too normally I can't imagine how many emails you must have received with all of your accounts because I felt like I got a whole bunch of emails from YouTube about hey click this link and then click this agree button and I've got an actual human being emailing me about it oh really yeah you're the next level up yeah I'm just dealing with the bots over here right but but yeah so this obviously this is something that is going to happen is YouTube subscriptions and so just in case people don't understand because it's easy to misunderstand it's the way it sounds if you don't if you're a viewer nothing's going to change you can keep watching YouTube videos you can keep watching grays videos they'll have the little ads on them but you can also pay the $10 and have this ad free experience so it's not like anything's going behind to pay well you're just paying for the convenience of decluttering the experience yes yeah that's that's exactly right that's an excellent point because yes I do think some people are confusing it with a paywall which is exactly what I don't want to do I don't want to put stuff behind a paywall which is partly why I didn't sign up with with vessel it's like I'm trying to avoid that when we really irritated if YouTube was mandating a paywall so that is there's not the case that's not that's not what happening and the other thing that seems very much to be the case is we don't have a choice like people like me and Gray it seems I'm not going to have a choice here this is just the way YouTube's going to work now and the choice we do have as I understand it and this is sort of how it seems to be this is how it's being said publicly as well is we could deactivate advertising from our videos but if we want to have advertising on our videos to help us earn an income we have to be part of this other program where people can opt out there's a there's no choice here it's a false choice let me just pull up something really quickly that I was doing that so before I don't know why I saw my computer here hold on a second I need to get my other computer I was taking some notes I'll be right back okay talk to the listeners hey everyone so while Gray's away let's talk more about cricket now I'm any kidding although seriously we should talk about cricket sometime maybe I'll start a little podcast on the side Brady's cricket corner you up for it you guys come with me no all right let's just get back to this technology stuff shhh don't tell him what I said don't tell him hello are you there yeah yeah cool yeah so where is this little okay so I was trying to take notes on this before I sent off the terms and conditions and things to my entertainment lawyer to review because whenever something's written in legal ease even if you think you're understanding it you can't really understand it because it's it's kind of like when you read something about physics they use words in ways that you don't expect so like the word work or energy and physics have very particular meanings and I always feel like when I'm reading these legal contracts I know the words have specific meanings that means something to lawyers but I feel like I might be getting a different take on it so so I haven't listened to a word you said since you said you had an entertainment lawyer the first question I have is does this imply you have other lawyers other other other spheres of your empire yeah I mean sort of yeah this is yeah this is I mean okay let's crack on I've talked to you about it but yes my biggest expenses now are like lawyers and tax attorneys and yes there are a number of people who charge very high hourly rates that I work with now that I'm a business person I guess which is fine well you you're just lucky you haven't had a card to get serviced yes yes that is true okay so you've got you've got the lawyer looking over the word just to make sure there's no caretling where at least in there you weren't ready yeah I'm saying that basically because what I'm saying now is just my interpretation of this I don't have anybody actually backing up that I know what I'm talking about that's what I want to say this but so there's there's a section on this thing which says there's a frequently asked question thing which says what happens if I do not want to participate in the new system okay YouTube's answer if you choose not to participate in our new paid offerings you can change your video settings to private to keep the videos hosted on YouTube so I think this has caused a lot of confusion this line but because no one can see a private video it's not even like unlisted like private can't be saying this except under very certain circumstances right if I said a video to private the only people who can see it are people I explicitly invite to the video through a name through an incredibly clumsy YouTube system so it's not like you could ever do this with subscribers or anything yeah right yeah I would have to if I wanted to send out a video to the people who subscribed to me one I would need to know all their email addresses which YouTube doesn't even give me and two even if I knew them I would have to individually fill out 1.6 million forms to invite them all to watch the video right so this is this is like a hubsons choice sure if you don't want to accept it you still have an option which is totally crippling to everything you ever want to do yeah so you know even though I have my lawyer looking over this document it's basically I have her doing that so that if there's something interesting I can talk about it on the podcast but that we don't have any actual choice it's not like I can go to YouTube and say you know what paragraph three subsection two I don't quite like that YouTube is just going to tell me to buzz off right let's hammer it out too yeah because when I sign on YouTube there's only one option which is a gigantic button which says click I agree and there's nothing else and they're so clearly like they're so clearly just just click the button right that's what YouTube is saying here just click the button you know and and even even trying to get the text out of this little page so I can send it to my lawyer they didn't make that easy they obviously they're doing everything they can to make sure that you don't read it because even the document itself has links to other documents where other terms are defined it's just it's impossible to try to read through but I'm like an idiot and I still did my best and highlighted a whole bunch of stuff which is just weird but but yet basically we don't have any choice and we have to we have to sign up to this now yeah is it I mean for all of this huffing and puffing and us going oh my goodness are we getting shafted is there a chance this is in our interests here is the reason why I don't like being forced into it because and let me let me back up here I have found in my business dealings that the people who want you to agree to contracts or the people who want to force you into contracts are the people I least like working with and the people I most quickly end business arrangements with because the reason they want to force you into a contract or they want to sign you up for six months or a year on something is because they know full well that you wouldn't stay out of your own free will yeah and the people who I continue to work with I almost almost always have the bearest of formal agreements or any like even just handshake verbal deals and those people are always a pleasure to work with because they're not trying to lock me into a contract or anything because they know we are in a mutual beneficial situation although as soon as as soon as we get to podcast 50 and I'm afraid of my contract you know I'm going to hit the road I did make you sign up to a five year 50 50 episode contract whichever comes later actually you can read the fine print no I knew I should have gotten into time at lawyer yeah but I think like you you and I are a good example of this yeah like you're not locked into a contract neither of us can stop this at any point in time yeah but we we do it and we like doing it and it's mutually benefit like everything is in in in agreement yeah yeah and so I'm always really suspicious of oh you have to sign up to this thing and you have absolutely no option I totally agree with it if it if it was an amazing deal wouldn't I obviously want to sign up wouldn't it be stupid for me not to sign up but like that's that's the way that the deal should be arranged yeah you wouldn't even need like a contract I would just be coming back to the well time and time again because everything's so wonderful yeah exactly so that that's that's why I'm suspicious of this stuff out of the gate that's why also in my business I basically don't really deal with long term contracts anymore because it's always just it's always just a disaster but also but I mean it could just be that you two want to make changes that are so wholesale that they can't do them without assay so because it's changing it's moving the posts but the idea is they think they're going to make a shed load more money from it and in turn you know the creators will make a shed load more money from it so here it's possible right so their whole sales their whole sales pitch here is you're going to make more money and I always look at I'm okay well there's a whole lot of different kinds of people on YouTube so what are the details and here here is what the details are so far from the documents that we have as usual YouTube is doing their ever so delightful 55 45 percent split so yes I mean I don't know where this number is exactly coming from but everybody's saying $10 a month you pay $10 a month to subscribe to YouTube YouTube keeps $4.50 of that and $5.50 of that is left over to go to creators yeah except then all of everybody's $5.50 are pulled together and YouTube is going to distribute that based on some algorithm and this is this is immediately where everybody starts getting their feathers ruffled about it so the big concern is for someone say like CTP Gray is you've got your die hard fans that only care about CTP Gray videos but then your $4.50 is being put in this huge pot with all the Taylor Swift fans yes who watch 500 million videos a day and Taylor Swift gets all your $4.50 along with everything else yes but as far as I will get to this in a moment as far as we can tell though the music is separate from this yes which is actually which also starts making me wonder but well anyway we'll get to it in a moment but but yeah everybody's in a big pool together which fundamentally changes the relationship of YouTube channels to each other because suddenly we're competing with each other for the same pool of money right yeah and it's it's like oh wait a minute if I link to Brady's video from my video I'm actually undercutting myself if people go over and watch a whole bunch of his videos from my one video they okay I don't like this incentive all of a sudden that it makes every channel be I mean we already have incentives to be kind of linking to our own stuff but now this makes it very directly competitive to a limited pool of money it's not it's not like the ads where it's like oh the pie can get bigger for everybody else if views go it's it's like it's I don't like that incentive okay so I thought of that you're all yeah that's interesting yeah here here's the details about this so the 55% that's left over for content creators is going to be distributed and here's here's lovely YouTube specifics based on monthly views or watch time of your content as a percentage of the monthly views or watch time of all or a subset of participating content in the relevant subscription offering as determined by YouTube okay so this this sentence is a little bit difficult to parse and I'm a little bit jet lagged but here's the way here's the way this reads to me either way this is terrible for channels like myself that upload really infrequently because I'm either getting a percentage of the views for everybody so I upload one video a month and I'm going to be competing my one video against every other video that's ever uploaded to YouTube you get it get it the percentage that way or the watch time percentage which is also terrible for me because my one video is four minutes long or three minutes long right so I've got a few things to say to that initially and admittedly I haven't thought this through like you have so I'm probably going to say something really dumb in the next few minutes I have thought this through it with my incredibly jet lag brain so I don't even know if I'm making sense right now so because I've heard people saying oh this is so unfair on infrequent uploaders but also they make less videos that they have to do less work in some ways I you know a few nuances aside but also this watch time thing I don't think necessarily is bad because I think one of the reasons you have so many views of your videos is because they're short like if you made your videos very long I don't think you'd have as many views on some of your videos the more virally ones so I think like you know keeping your overall watch time goes up because you get so many views and you get so many views because you've been smart enough to keep them at a really you know optimum length so I think that's I think that's a bit of a well here let me let me interrupt you for a second here's the way I like to think about this stuff my concern is much less about what are the particulars of what does this mean for me yeah I think this is not good news for me but I'm less concerned about that precisely because of the work I put in in the preceding months to to make this less of a problem for me yeah right so it's like that is why I have done all of that so that I don't have to be having some massive freak out about needing to move into a smaller apartment because the YouTube algorithm has changed yeah right like that like I have spent a lot of time making sure that's not the case so I am much calmer now than I would otherwise be yeah but the the thing that I don't like about this is it it gives YouTube even more control with their algorithms about what kinds of content they want to favor yeah and that's what I don't like and what do you think they favor long long stuff well who the hell knows because it says attributable to monthly views or watch time you know whatever you guys don't need to know the specifics of this thing you're agreeing to we haven't really decided we've never known the specifics though we've never known what's going on with the ad revenue we just get told at the end of just a month this is what you weren't yeah okay but so here here is the part of this that I really start to think wait a minute what does this mean right is okay monthly views or watch time whatever YouTube now has more control but then there's this thing which is right at the end where it says to all or a subset of the participating content in the relevant subscription offering yeah the way that reads to me is YouTube is planning to bundle channels together yeah right like that's how that sounds they're going to have the education bundle or they're going to have the the vlogger bundle or they're going to have the gaming bundle and people subscribe to those like their cable TV channels cable TV the worst most awful is business in the world that everybody hates that's all bundled together that's the way this sounds like it's going and so again it's like wait a minute wait a minute I'm reading this as you're planning to have bundles you want me to agree to this right now what bundle am I going to do you just get to decide who you're going to group my channel with and now suddenly if if you are going to basically be asking me to encourage people to subscribe to your ad free version but you have implicitly associated me with maybe a bunch of people I don't want to be associated with but now like when I promote those subscriptions I'm also helping those other people like I don't like this one bit I don't like this this part of it one tiny piece and I also feel like I we mentioned before at one of the youtube conferences I had a big conversation with some of the people there about why don't you offer a paid version of youtube where we don't have to see ads like I was pushing for this and I would totally pay for this but you know what I won't do I'm not going to pay for a bunch of bundles right because that's like that's not how I use youtube I'm watching a whole bunch of random stuff on youtube when I go there because I'm linked from somewhere else to some random video and the notion that I'm going to try to prepay and select for particular kinds of videos that I want to say that's just terrible it takes away that how grazing nature of it as well doesn't it finding new stuff it's like you've got to commit to yeah these are the channels that I'm gonna yeah that that that that to me is terrible and it it in it's a kind of mental cost that I just don't want to do can I can I YouTube can I just pay you money and never see an ad on youtube again I would do that not only I thought that's what was gonna happen but yeah you've now can you've now told me otherwise that well that's what I was suggesting to youtube is like let me pay you and I think ten dollars a month is a bit rich but like let me pay you five dollars a month fine five dollars a month is like below the threshold where I really can think about it and yeah I would pay that to not have to watch the ads but if I then have to make additional decisions about pre deciding what I'm going to watch without the ads forget it now I'm not going to do this at all that just it's just not worth it anymore but the but the way I read that that's the impression that I get and I think that's a terrible terrible way to run this I don't know I mean does it sound that way to you is it does it sound like what it does now now that I think so charming and convincing well yeah that that that little bit of language that you kind of unpacked for me a bit makes me think that yeah the other thing that I don't know if this is going to happen but I think it must happen is they're going to load the site with so much junk and ads that you're going to be kind of pushed into signing onto this thing aren't you yeah so because at the moment I think well why would I bother paying I don't mind putting up with the odd ad that I can skip anyway but we're just going to get like I can imagine we're going to get there's going to be unspuge unskippable ads everywhere and it's going to become such a thing that you're going to go well I got to get out of this yeah that's exactly right there's a perverse incentive now for YouTube to make their free version as terrible as possible right and I don't know if you have noticed this but a few months ago when we upload videos on the monetization page there has been a new option which has some hilarious name like super long unskippable ads that has not been enabled by default but if you check that box I'm not even exactly sure what it means but they even have a little warning like oh checking this box might dramatically drop off the number of people who actually watch your video I thought well that's an interesting option to include YouTube to have an ad that you're trying out that you know is going to dramatically decrease the number of people who watch a video why on earth would you ever introduce such a thing and now that they're introducing the subscription it's like oh these pieces are coming together you have I don't even know what that box does but you have let's say a minute long unskippable video before my four minute video that's craziness but but and I so I always thought like why is this option here and now I understand why this option is here is because I bet in the future that is going to be enabled by default and one of the things that I worry about is I've always been surprised that YouTube even gives us options about what kinds of ads we do or do not want on the channel yeah but I wouldn't I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if after agreeing to these terms they they just say oh part of the agreement is you just have to run all the ads do you hate pop-up ads on the bottom of your screen tough luck right it doesn't matter because we want to make the free experience just terrible for everybody and we don't care at all about what you want on on those videos it's just I hate agreeing to this kind of stuff because there's even a section I can't quite find it right now but there's some section about how oh once you agree to this we reserve the right to change any of the terms at any point in time why even bother with an agreement at that stage right what like what am I agreeing to if it's like oh by the way any of it can change at any moment like why why are we going through this like kabuki theater where you're pretending like you're getting some kind of agreement from me but you but you are not held to any part of this agreement but I am held to every part of it like it's just what will happen is eventually people who have it a great to are going to get a deadline that's going to say if you haven't signed if you haven't pressed the button or signed by this date you're pushed into it anyway so that's silly yeah yeah oh yeah there's one line here which is which is oh we want you to agree now and we will share more details on the plan when we get closer to launch so yeah like explicitly requiring you to agree to something that you you can't even find out all the details of now I was I was just kind of furious reading through this documents and cap and like highlighting stuff that made me angry I want to be really clear there is a possibility that this will make more money for YouTube creators and it will be better in the future I do not want to deny that and I've seen some people making real doom and gloom videos about this and I think it's a little too easy to jump straight to hyperbole about oh this is going to totally destroy YouTube and everything is terrible now yeah that's that's not my opinion on this because we because people talk like this about every change to YouTube yeah even if it's like cosmetic changes it's like oh you've ruined the whole start and now I can't even remember the things I was angry about yeah that's come this comes up all the time so I don't think this is like this is as disastrous as some of the things that I've seen people saying but what I do think is just like once again it's like everything that YouTube does it feels like are you trying to intentionally push me away are you are you trying to make me feel as uncertain as I possibly can about all of your business decisions it may well be in a year that I'm very happy about this and that revenue from the videos is up because their advertising rates are just terrible and just like we discussed with the vessel last time you don't need a lot of people to directly give you money in order to beat out advertising rates on YouTube so even if a very very small number of people ever subscribed to this it is quite possible that it will be more profitable but it's just YouTube isn't making me feel good about this in the way that it is happening and so that that is what my primary objection is here oh there was something else I do you have any other thoughts or something one other one of the little thought about this uh no you go make my head's gonna explode I don't know what I'm doing yeah okay we're after some really quickly uh no no no not that it's just not not that I'm tired from the podcast it's just I'm tired from like thinking gosh what's you know what does this all mean for me I have no idea yeah I just want to make videos I just want to make videos man I just want to like I don't know what point in my life my job moved from just having cool ideas of videos and making them and putting on YouTube to all this stuff about verticals and like 55% of this and that like what happened yeah this is this is one of the things I think people underestimate because they see the videos and they go oh you must make videos all day long and as I others there's just like once this becomes a real job and as time goes on I there's a lot of like this back end business nonsense to deal with that it's just a huge huge pain in the butt go on you have something else you you wanted to bring up so what up well the other thing I was going to say is that there's $10 a month thing again this seems like a speculative number pulled out of the air from a verge article as far as I can tell but I thought it was going to be five but anyway I've not seen anything that's just I don't know where I pulled five from but I either way one of the other things I think about with this is hey look YouTube yeah I don't mean to tell you how to run your business here but but if on top of this you if you want me to pay money to you as a service you are now playing in the Netflix game right this isn't just like oh just remove the ads if I'm actually paying for this there are a lot of things on YouTube I would want to work better like Netflix and we talked about this on the past but there's a lot of them and the very least it's remember where I was in a video allow me to watch videos in a chronological order you need to have a way to let creators actually organize things in a way that makes sense it can't just be I mean I'm sure you to believe it this way but it can't just be this endless pile of random videos yeah if you know if I'm paying for this I would also expect it to be a much more enjoyable video watching platform and the moment at the moment you just say well oh YouTube's bit flaky at the moment but oh well I'm not paying for it so I can complain but yeah this is always this is always with Google services is you say well I don't pay for this so I don't get to complain about stuff but the minute you start transferring money over it now it now it moves into the realm of things that you can complain about and you know is that kind of is that going to rub off on to us as well though Gray like because at the moment if someone doesn't like one of my videos I can joke and say oh well you can have your money back haha but if they're paying money to YouTube and suddenly they don't like a number far video because it wasn't what they're expecting and they've paid they think they've paid money are they going to start saying I can't believe I'm paying money for this like I know that's not the actuality of what's happening but do you think that could come to buy it as well I didn't think about that people are going to think they're paying for us now and we should be you know come on CGP Gray I can't believe you made that mistake in your video I'm paying ten bucks a month to to watch your stuff add free yeah I wonder I wonder and is it well actually it's only it's only half of that ten dollars a month oh actually it's only 0.1% of that ten dollars a month yeah but you know that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't matter but no it's true it's funny I do feel that way about we have a Netflix subscription and I'm aware of like oh these shows they're maybe they're good or maybe they're not good on Netflix and I would cancel or keep my Netflix subscription based on the quality of the shows but that is slightly different because Netflix does not have a free option where you can just watch everything but yeah one of the other things I wonder about and I'll just I'll just lay this down as as future follow-up if anyone ever wants to remember this I bet this goes the way of cable TV that eventually in little corners add start to sneak back in that maybe it's just an ad when you when you're at youtube.com and it plays at the top but but sooner or later youtube is not going to be able to resist the temptation of like double dipping on the subscription and on the advertising because those people that have paid the monthly fee are probably the premium eyeballs too that the advertisers most want this is exactly it right now I there are many services that I use that I am I am happy to pay the money to get rid of the ads for and part of that is because I'm a person who highly values my time and my attention like guess what that's exactly the person that the advertisers want to reach and also you're the sort of person that has a degree of disposable income because you pay because you can pay for stuff that's exactly because I can afford to pay for getting rid of the ads you know I can decide to drop a bunch of money on Apple Watch just because I want it so like I yeah I am obviously someone that advertisers want to reach more than say like a college kid who's just watching the videos for free they're they're less interested in in that audience and one of the final things that has me worried speaking of double dipping in a way is we can now at this current state in time embed ads in our own videos at the end right so like yeah square space like audible yeah and there are many reasons we do that at least in which because the YouTube ads are borderline worthless yeah but one of the things I wonder about is I highlighted it here so there's a section on the on the FAQ which says you know which ads are the ones that are going to be removed in the subscription service and says we YouTube are referring specifically to the YouTube advertising formats yeah there are no changes to any other agreements that the creators may have made which includes things like product placements branded advertisements within the videos yeah okay so now here is suddenly what I think is a massive conflict from from the customer perspective yeah if I'm paying YouTube for an ad free experience but YouTube is also still allowing creators to put ads in their own videos or to do ads that are basically entirely videos I'm going to be pretty pissed if I'm paying money for an ad free experience yeah yeah just last month I told people I'm going to have ads at the end of my videos yeah and now YouTube says over going to have an ad free subscription service I feel like well now I'm in a really terrible position because like I want the audience to be happy but I would be really pissed if there's an ad in a video that I'm paying for an ad free experience and I don't I don't know how YouTube is going to resolve this except for eventually basically changing this part and and telling YouTubers no you can't embed your own ads in the videos but but I think this is like I think that will cause them huge problems yeah not so much in our case if they did that to us well we just have to take our medicine but some other things some other channels I think are really more dependent as you know there are there are a whole commercial operations based on that and yeah maybe people will accept it like I would pay for an ad free experience to watch say the Super Bowl without ads but I'm not going to be able to avoid all the the ads all over the field and the fences and on the everyone's clipboards and stuff like that so ad free doesn't mean ad free necessarily it just means one type of ad free and maybe people will maybe people will accept that that will become the the grammar but you're right if people go overboard and start doing really obvious things like you know having a 30 second doctor pepper ad run at the start of the video like just like a pre-row well yeah yeah there's gonna be problems because the the ads I'm putting in my videos are at the end yeah but it I can very easily see a situation where for creators like me or creators who just upload very infrequently if this new system turns out that that you earn less money because of the way the the distribution breaks down like well now there's even more incentive to put ads it that you sell yourself in your own videos yeah and it's like oh well this is a horrible horrible cycle this this isn't working out very well I just I think YouTube is in kind of a tricky situation with this because I know for a fact there are channels that if YouTube told them you can't embed videos anymore they they would walk away from YouTube that the the the money from the embedded video the money from the embedded ads is is much much greater than the money that they're ever going to get from YouTube but do they only get that money for the embedded ad because they have a big YouTube subscription base like not everyone can walk away from YouTube and take their audience with them the way vessel operates right now is vessel does explicitly allow people to also have embedded ads in their videos and although you're paying for vessel I think that vessel has the the big advantage that it is the new thing and it is able to establish what it is right from the start so even though you pay for vessel it works just like Hulu where there are still ads even though you pay and as I think we discussed in last box like I am impressed by some of the very big youtubers they've been able to pull over to vessel and I think that like there are people who have big enough audiences that follow them separately that they could walk away from from YouTube so yeah I think YouTube is in a bit of a tricky situation when they want to start introducing this subscription service that's ad free but they they you're right like they they're going to have problems if they try to force the YouTube channels to give up embedded ads but it's precisely because YouTube isn't making them enough money but they're trying it's like it's a messy messy situation so I just I don't know how this is going to pan out I don't know man I don't know I've got I mean you know you know my background is at newspapers and a lot of my friends still work there and working on pay walls and ways to make money in newspapers and everything fails everything newspapers try to make to make money fails with subscriptions and pay walls and they don't make enough from advertising if it's free and I've always sort of smiled at them and go hey you old-fashioned guys you know your old dinosaurs and you're dying because you're not used to the internet and I'm now looking at myself in YouTube and I'm thinking how we are new different we don't make enough from advertising well if we're subscriptions maybe maybe maybe the golden age is coming to an end and a lot of people are going to start being in trouble I mean Brady we're doing we're doing just fine we're not in the newspaper business yeah but but newspapers we're doing just fine I mean some newspapers are still doing just fine I'm just saying like a lot of the things we're talking about now the problems that YouTuber are about to have are exactly the same problems newspapers are having newspapers have said we're not making enough from advertising when it's free we need to we need to introduce subscriptions and then that has failed YouTube have obviously said we're not making enough from advertising we need to introduce introduce subscriptions it sounds almost exactly the same yeah okay but I just want to be really clear here there's a big difference between YouTube's business and our businesses right YouTube may be in trouble I think it's pretty clear that that we as the video producers are not in trouble okay do you disagree with that um don't I you you haven't done it but I have set up the RSS feed I have direct support from patreon I will have embedded ads in my RSS feeds I could I could walk away from YouTube today and be fine okay because I'm making videos that people want to watch and yeah although it would be much more of a hassle for you to do it I think you could do it as well because there are people who want to watch your videos yeah yeah you like and now don't get me wrong this would be like a massive hit in in my business but if if something came up with YouTube that I really didn't like this would be doable I don't want to do it but it would be doable that's why I just want to make it really clear here like I don't feel like a newspaper like oh my business is crumbling down around me it just it just feels like YouTube is in a terrible position with trying to make this subscription thing work but I don't feel like YouTube problem is only my problem in as in as much as a large section of my audience is on YouTube but that's the whole reason why I've been setting myself up so that I am not dependent on YouTube and that's what I think that's also why like Derek Veritasium had had his video about YouTube being a potato and why he was moving over to vessel and people can go over to vessel and as we discussed last time there are ways that vessel can be profitable with a much smaller audience so I don't think that the the business of people who make stuff that people on the internet like isn't trouble those people are doing just fine I think institutions like YouTube are in trouble and newspapers are in trouble because newspapers are just kind of terrible they're they're making stuff that people don't really want to watch that isn't super valuable or people don't want to read and it's actually really funny on on our trip my wife actually just for fun agreed to have the hotel deliver a newspaper to our room and I took a picture of her at one point reading the newspaper because she just had the biggest frown on her face and she was going what is this I have to I have to switch over to page 16 to continue this story I have to jump all around and she goes there's nothing in this story I thought I was going to learn something about Las Vegas with the local Las Vegas newspaper but it's all just AP stories and stuff that is like oh this is terrible experience so it's like yeah of course of course that business is doing terribly because it's terrible anyway that's oh sorry I seem to have gotten off on my I hate news rant again I'm terribly sorry I didn't need to do that but anyway so yeah I think I think if you make stuff that people like on the internet like there are ways to make that work but you know whatever YouTube is doing with their business you know I'm not this subscription thing may be great and it may not be great but it feels really uncertain now as opposed to vessel which when I heard about it it was like man that's a great idea it's not for me it's not something that I'm going to do but it's obviously a very workable idea I don't feel that way with the YouTube subscription the YouTube subscription thing feels like man I wish I could stay out of this to see how it goes but YouTube won't let me YouTube is going to force me into it dare I say it do you think they're doing it in a half-ast manner I think I think there is nothing half-ast about this coercion that they that they know how to do yeah all right well let's see what happens who knows maybe in six months we'll be saying some subscriptions are great and I'll be looking at it on my Apple Watch you I went to Australia right I had bought the kids who you're drinking over there well what am I supposed to do that's what that you edit that out that's like your job yeah I know that's I know that's my job well then what's the point of telling me you heard me I don't know why I did that I'm sorry I have no idea why that just happened okay I should just kept my mouth shut now I have this whole section to edit out like it's still here you're drinking because I'm still drinking okay are you done finish now okay great at least I haven't touched the microphone yet yeah that's true um so
==Episode List==

References[edit | edit source]

  1. "H.I. #35: Are My Teeth Real?". Hello Internet. Hello Internet. Retrieved 12 October 2017.