Nobody Likes Onions

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Nobody Likes Onions
File:Nobody Likes Onions Logo.png
The onion logo for Nobody Likes Onions
Hosted byPatrick Melton
GenreComedy, Talk
UpdatesThree times per week
ProductionPantswise Media Network
Audio formatMP3
No. of episodes1228
Original releaseJune 1, 2005 – present
Cited forNominated Best Produced and Best Comedy in 2006, Nominated People's Choice and Best Comedy in 2007, Won Best Comedy Award in 2007

Nobody Likes Onions (commonly abbreviated to NLO) is an American Internet radio show created and hosted by stand-up comedian Patrick Melton. The hosts address humorous events in their lives, and they also satirize current events, pop culture, other podcasts and even the show's fans. NLO's tagline is "It's like taking a cold shower in sarcasm."

NLO broadcasts live shows online at various dates and times. Episodes of the podcast, which include both recordings of live shows as well as pre-recorded podcast-specific shows, are released approximately three times a week. The show used to be ranked as one of the highest rated shows on Podcast Alley. The show was nominated for two Podcast Awards in both 2006 and 2007 (Best Produced and Best Comedy in 2006 / People's Choice and Best Comedy in 2007), and won the Best Comedy Award in 2007.[1] NLO has also been featured on SIRIUS Satellite Radio.

On November 1, 2014, Nobody Likes Onions moved to New York City. Patrick explained the move was done to expose the show to a larger pool of talent.

Program Name[edit | edit source]

The name "Nobody Likes Onions" came from the name used by host Patrick Melton for a satirical website. The name was a combination of "Nobody Likes Me," Melton's forum site for comedians, and an allusion to The Onion. Although the site was deleted months after he created it, Melton decided to make use of the now-unused domain name, applying it to what is now the show. Melton commented in an early show that he would, at some point, probably change the show name. Melton mentioned the show name again during episode 193, he explained how he was seriously considering changing it. Due to years of branding, merchandise and promotion, Patrick has stated that it is unlikely to change at this point.

Host[edit | edit source]

Patrick Melton

Patrick Melton[edit | edit source]

Patrick Melton is the creator and host of Nobody Likes Onions. In addition to acting as moderator of the show, Melton handles most of the production of NLO as well. A stand-up comedian, Melton applies his philosophy about comedy to the show on a regular basis - in humor, nothing is off limits; many of his fans enjoy the satirical nature of his comedy, in which he shares his hilarious views on individuals (Sometimes famous) or other popular topics, sometimes news-related.

Melton is best known for controlling the mood and direction of each show. His acerbic views on society in general, and low tolerance for ignorance or stupidity in others make for an entertaining show. He often appears on the show as characters, sometimes planned and sometimes improvised, which are met by the fans with differing reactions. While normally providing a humorous commentary on his life or surroundings, Melton occasionally will behave outwardly silly, making absurd or nonsensical statements in annoying or ridiculous voices, which, when countered by the serious demeanor of other hosts can be quite funny. Melton's silliness has birthed a number of recurring characters on the show, including the lisping Steven Carlson and the enigmatic Ironcake.

In January 2010, Melton moved to Los Angeles to pursue his comedy career and expand the content and reach of the show. The show has thrived and continued in Los Angeles with new guests and hosts broadcasting from a new, larger studio in the Los Angeles area.

In August 2013, as a result of his new-found interest in bitcoins, Melton started a new podcast called "Coinsider This!"[2]. The shows more nerdy format met some criticism from NLO fans, but continued to grow into a weekly program. Its last episode aired in mid-2014.

Former Guests and Co-Hosts[edit | edit source]

Hollywood Adam[edit | edit source]

From the show's beginning until late in November 2006, the program's only regular co-host was "Hollywood" Adam Weeks, a high school friend of Patrick. Although he was a founder, he was not involved in the production and development of the show. Adam admitted himself that he wasn't a comedian, often drawing criticism from fans for his monotone speech. He was largely quiet while Patrick did a great majority of the talking on the show. After more than 130 episodes, citing family concerns and the long drive to the studio, he quit the show.

On episode 179, Adam's mother called in during a live show to defend her son claiming that Johnny B and Dagre have said "Fuck Adam" on the show before. The conversation shifted to Patrick's current relationship with Adam. Despite this, Adam's mother seems to be friendly towards Patrick. On the same show there were hints as to Adam's departure being linked to a loan Adam had failed to pay Patrick back.

Although, on September 13, 2008, Patrick and Adam Did a surprise live show on UStream to anyone who was there. Afterwards, Adam commented on the show saying "it felt like we haven't missed a beat" and "It was a good time." Patrick commented that it felt like a one-night stand with an old girlfriend where you wake up and say to yourself that it was a mistake.

Adam lives in Winter Haven, Florida with his wife and two kids and works as a Senior Developer for

Brian (the lawyer)[edit | edit source]

Brian is a bar certified lawyer and a high school friend of Patrick and Adam. An admitted movie buff, Brian started on the show with a segment called, "Brian's Emotionless Movie Review." In this segment, Brian would call the shows voice mail line and make up a review of a movie he had never seen, usually quoting the plot to a different, more popular movie. Since Adam's departure, Brian has not returned to the show, with the exception of a couple of call-ins to live shows.

Cowhead[edit | edit source]

Cowhead is a Tampa radio DJ (on 102.5 The Bone) who appeared on the show a couple times, along with his morning crew members Galvin and Moose. Cowhead and Patrick had a falling out after Patrick, Johnny B, Chef, and Keely, Patrick's girlfriend at the time, got caught up in a pre-planned joke that involved the hosts of the radio show claiming they slept with Keely. The "joke" wasn't really understood by anyone and resulted in a lengthy falling-out between the two.

Shannon[edit | edit source]

Shannon is a friend of Patrick's and would sit in on episode recordings from time to time. Appearing very seldom on the show, Shannon is a quiet and reserved individual who does not talk very much.

Whitmore[edit | edit source]

An "Official Show Guest" of the show who allegedly had cancer and was "dying in six months". It's unknown if he ever really had cancer, but it has been years since this was announced, and he is currently alive making regular appearances on former co-host Johnny B's podcast.

Chef[edit | edit source]

First appearing alongside Johnny B in episode 98: "Feel the Rain", Chef became a regular co-host on the Nobody Likes Onions program. He's Jewish, which is often the subject of jokes by the other hosts. Chef was a favorite of many listeners because of his ability to remain quiet for long periods of time and then lash out with very funny insults.

Even after Patrick moved to LA, Chef has occasionally appeared on the show. Chef has also made the trip to Los Angeles and been a guest on shows live from the new studio. Patrick has stated that he and Chef are still good friends and have kept in touch frequently.

Dagre[edit | edit source]

After Hollywood Adam quit, "Dagre", who is not a comedian, was one of the new personalities that appeared on the show. Dagre was initially presented as the first black man on Nobody Likes Onions, which was noteworthy because of the show's occasional racial humor. Nevertheless, as Dagre has a very white-sounding voice, and many fans did not believe that he was black. During a tirade against Dagre on show 168, Partick revealed that Dagre is, in fact, white. But in a later episode claimed he was only kidding. It was officially revealed shortly after that he is actually white. Dagre made more and more infrequent appearances as the show neared its two hundredth episode and, by the middle of 2007, Chef seemed to have taken the reins as the resident funny non-comedian host.

Johnny B[edit | edit source]

Johnny B was the most common co-host in Tampa. Notable "bits" of Johnny's include his off-the-wall rants, comedic storytelling, and his ability to turn almost any subject into a silly song. He has also become the subject of a recurring joke on the show that he is not funny, steals jokes, or "turns everything into a song."

Over the course of his attendance on the show, he became increasingly irritated with the comedic ribbing directed towards him by fans and co-hosts alike. Though much of the teasing was meant in jest, Johnny's anger would nonetheless build over the course of the show, leading to periodical expressions of anger. This led to Johnny's labeling as "oversensitive."

After a number of shows which Johnny excused himself for (in Patrick's opinion) frivolous reasons, an episode that largely consisted of other hosts expressing grievances against him was released, effectively terminating Johnny's relationship with the show. Patrick and Johnny met outside of the show in late 2008, and after furious bouts of oral persuasion on both of their parts, Johnny B had returned.

He hasn't appeared on the show since Patrick moved to Los Angeles, but has called in on several occasions. Patrick and Johnny seemed to have had a falling out due to misinterpretations of what each other had said, but Patrick said things have been resolved since then.

In mid 2014, Johnny was involved in a heavily publicized confrontation with Drew Garabo, a morning radio talk show host on WHPT. The conflict stemmed from comments made on the stations late night recap show where Johnny misinterpreted what Drew's producer, Kayla, had said about Johnny's weight in an audio clip. Johnny, being egged on by the shows host, Maruice Jovan, began a verbal tyrade against Kayla claiming that she "was just a producer" and that Johnny had "worked hard to get to where he is at... behind the mic". Drew heard about this from one of his other producers and devoted an entire 3-hour show to the subject the next day. Many in the community have speculated that Johnny was widely resented within the station because he won a job in a contest on the radio show. The incident may have caused serious internal unrest because shortly after, the stations main talent, Todd Alan Clem (Bubba the Love Sponge) was fired.

Roy T. Johnson[edit | edit source]

In late 2008, a conflict arose between Johnny B and Patrick which resulted in Johnny's temporary absence from the show. During his absence, one of Patrick's comedian friends, Roy T. Johnson, took over as co-host. His insight and egotistical charm made him flow well with the show. One of Roy's many comedic contributions to the show was the tag-line "Myah", a humorous conversational noise. After about 5 months, Johnny B and Patrick resolved their dispute, and Johnny returned as co-host. This alienated Roy and he began to fade from the show. He called in around Christmas, a bit before Patrick moved to Los Angeles. It was revealed after Patrick moved that Roy moved back to Tulsa, OK and began selling cars at a car dealership.

Ari Shaffir[edit | edit source]

Ari Shaffir is a Los Angeles comedian who has appeared on Nobody Likes Onions a few times. He's well known for his Amazing Racist videos and his own podcast, "Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank".

Tom Segura[edit | edit source]

Tom Segura is a full-time stand-up comedian and good friend of Patrick. He is most noted for his discussion on pornography, racial profiling, and potty humor. His first appearance was in show 504, "Belly Busters". The chemistry between Tom and Patrick ranges from dry and sarcastic to silly, generally making for enjoyable shows.

Darren Carter[edit | edit source]

Darren Carter, a.k.a. "The Party Starter", first appeared on episode 466 in Tampa. His first episode was entitled "Ginger Lover". On that episode Darren and Patrick discussed their stand-up careers and how red-headed children were being called "Gingers". Darren Carter had adequate knowledge on the topic because of his red hair.

Since the show has transitioned to LA, Darren Carter has been on several live shows. He is favored for his Snoop Dogg impressions, comedic rapping, and his "Party Starter" song.

Gave and signed a dollar on episode 732, "Ginger Confused". He didn't have a dollar bill so Brian King purchased four quarters from him. He signed it "Darren Carter - 2011" and "Love Ya Buddy!".

In September 2012, Darren and his friend "Dick" gave host Patrick Melton, a nervous breakdown by incessantly using the "Auto rap" feature on his Android phone. After being told repeatedly to stop, Patrick eventually went into a rage and handed the show over to Starline. The show ended quite abruptly at that point with Darren being asked to leave. Patrick has subsequently cut all ties with Darren, and he has not been seen on the show since.

Brian King[edit | edit source]

Brian King (BK) is a professional videographer and video editor based in Los Angeles, CA. Brian is an expert with tools such as Avid, Final Cut Pro and Adobe Premiere. Brian was a frequent guest in Florida and California. His first interaction with the show was as a caller in early 2006 and appeared on the show shortly after as a guest. Brian used to do a podcast with his roommate Sean, called 'Brian Is In You'.

In 2012, Patrick announced that he and Brian, and subsequently his roommate Starline, had ended their friendship citing personal differences. It is believed the issue stemmed from Starline being distracted by Brian from her duties as Patrick's assistant.

Josh Denny[edit | edit source]

Josh Denny (Big-Big, Jorsh Dorny in Bort) is a comedian/writer who first appeared on episode 530, "Calling It Quits". Over the next 4 years, Josh was on over one hundred shows and after-shows. He was known for his hilarious family stories and childhood memories such as getting a prostitute with his father and masturbating with another boy as a teenager. Patrick and Josh were best friends and shared a mutual love of food. Television shows such as Cake Boss, Man vs. Food and Hell's Kitchen were common topics on the show as were My Super Sweet Sixteen and True Life: I'm a Sugar Baby.

During their 2012 visit to New York for a comedy show, Denny got a tramp stamp of the McDonald's arches and a straw emanating from his anal region. Above this were the words "I'm loving it", McDonald's slogan. Although Patrick challenged Josh to do it, he admitted he was surprised he went through with it. Josh has said he received negative feedback from his girlfriend who told him she "can't respect someone with that [tattoo]" and "respects her body and expects the same from her partner".

Beginning in June 2014, Josh had been receiving heavy fan criticism for several career related endeavors. These included starting a kickstarter to raise money for a vinyl edition of his comedy album, gaming twitter follower numbers and using 'rabbl' to raise money for a fifty-two date comedy tour . The criticism mostly centered around Josh's denial that these schemes failed to succeed or that he was lying about their effectiveness. Fans also accused Josh of using these crowd-funding services as vanity projects because of the lack of effort in their marketing, despite Josh frequently touting his business expertise.

Josh is not new to controversy among fans. Since his introduction to the show, Josh has angered some fans with his brash comedic style that mostly involves criticizing the black community, women and other minority groups. Although everyone on the show agrees comedy is subjective, Josh's rants have often been equated to turning live shows into a KKK rally.

In 2011, Josh admitted to being a serial liar and was found to have lied several times about things such as having a history of alcohol abuse and his being involved in a plane crash among others. In 2012, Josh made comments regarding whether gays choose or are born gay. When confronted, Josh changed his position, even going so far as to deny comments he had clearly just made. Despite this, Josh was a popular figure on the show and was involved in some of the show's funniest segments.

By August 2014, Josh had garnered almost universal hatred after personally insulting the fans, the show, and accusing Patrick of "drinking the fan's Kool-Aid". The situation was made worse when fans began openly mocking him. For example, a T-shirt was designed by fans to mock words that he frequently used on the show, usually to show off his supposed knowledge of a specific subject.

On August 8, 2014, Josh Denny formalized his separation from the show through correspondence with several fans and Patrick. Josh unfriended Patrick on Facebook less than a week later. Since, multiple emails and text conversations have surfaced revealing that Josh was talking behind Patrick's back for at least a year. They mostly revolved around Josh's perceived success in comedy and writing, putting down Patrick's career in the process.

Tony Gaud[edit | edit source]

Tony Gaud is a Florida-based comic who first appeared on episodes 2 and 3 (subbing in for Hollywood Adam) and returned to the show as a regular guest. His home comedy club is the Tampa Improv where Patrick Melton also got his start in comedy. Tony has been in several local commercials for Bay News 9, The Melting Pot and Hungry Howie's Pizza, among others, the latter of which became a permanent sound clip on the show because of the way Tony said "too good" in the commercial. He's been on the show several times since Patrick moved to Los Angeles. Tony Gaud's appearances have spanned the greatest number of shows of any previous host, from episode 2, until the most recent episode, 1017 [1].

Mike Bridenstine[edit | edit source]

Mike Bridenstine is a stand-up comedian. He co-hosted his own comedy podcast, "Gentlemen Scumbags," on which Melton produced and took part in. He first appeared in show 564, "Sex Retards", and was the fifth person to give a dollar bill to show that they are serious about the show (episode 689, "Vertical Horizon"). He is most notable for a bit on the show in which Patrick and Mike insist that the business world is simply a large front for homosexual activity. The joke is frequently brought up on the show by the guys shouting terms commonly used within businesses, followed by the general chant of "business!", which eventually became a shirt being sold in the show's online store.

Ryan Stout[edit | edit source]

Ryan Stout is a stand-up comedian based in Los Angeles, California. Ryan was the first person to provide a dollar bill for the dollar wall (Episode 685, "Retardicapped"). It was originally unsigned and then was signed on episode 705, "Family Matters".

Al Jackson[edit | edit source]

Al Jackson is a stand-up comedian from New York who has been on the show several times since Patrick moved to Los Angeles. He is a former host of the show Awesome Adventures, and is made fun of on the show because of this.

Cornell Reid[edit | edit source]

Cornell is a stand-up comedian based in Los Angeles, CA. He has made continuous appearances on the show and is best known for his stylish glasses and deep understanding of everything drug related. Cornell has been a part of several NLO events like the Indianapolis 2013 trip and was able to take a trip to London for free after a US Marine fan donated $5,000. In return for this sizeable donation, Cornell agreed to shave every hair on his body on stage, a challenge he later went through with at the London show. Even for another free trip, Cornell said he would not do it again, citing shaved eyebrows as a major reason why.

Cornell is in a relationship with Marie and they have one daughter, Tobie.

Jake Lloyd[edit | edit source]

Jake Lloyd had appeared on a handful of shows in Tampa, and was later a regular recurring guest in Los Angeles. A comedian, actor and film-maker, Jake was generally liked by the fans despite being a constant target of Patrick's abuse (often making fun of the way Jake talks, the fact that he works as an extra in Hollywood, etc.) and being the general unwanted stepchild of NLO. During a show in which Jake was notably nervous and hyper he used the word "fucking" countless times when flustered and a collection was made of all of them spanning nearly four minutes landing him the nickname "Jake Fuckin' Lloyd." After a sarcastic remark he made on a show in Tampa about the general age of the show's listeners Patrick challenged all of the adult listeners to call in with their age and occupation and to offer up a "Fuck You Jake Lloyd." After several years of absence, Jake returned in 2013 and has since made occasional appearances on the show.

D-Fritz[edit | edit source]

Daniel Fritz (D-Fritz, Dor Frortz in Bort, ya boi) is an LA-based drummer, postman and graphic designer who acted as Patrick's part-time assistant and personal trainer. Daniel appeared frequently on the show until late 2014, when the show was moved to New York City.

Daniel is engaged to his longtime girlfriend, Kat.

Fan appearances[edit | edit source]

Dave (newwavedave)[edit | edit source]

Dave appeared on the very last official Tampa Marathon Show. It was released as episode 493: Jan 2010 Marathon Part 2. Dave was recognized as one of the more energetic co-hosts during the marathon show. Dave discussed his alleged job at the orange store to Brian King and Patrick. Patrick told the fans that Dave watched over his dog. After Dave's wife found the dog he wasn't able to keep watching it.

Doug (SpykeTheBassist)[edit | edit source]

Spyke first made himself known in the NLO community by swallowing a magnet and two ball bearings and then posting the x-rays on the forums. Members on the forums could see an x-ray of Spyke's genitalia which Ralph (a fourm admin) subsequently made into Spyke's Avatar. He then made himself more popular by getting NLO and the Onion logo tattooed on his upper lip and on his bottom lip it says "I Am Spyke". He has many other tattoos which Jake Lloyd called "white trash". He is slowly transforming into a dragon through tattoos, and other various body mods. He has been suspended by meathooks as well.

He first appeared in studio on episode 507 "All Pain No Gain". He brought his good friend Rob who sounded amazingly similar to Jonah Hill. Since this appearance, Spyke has not been heard from much.

Matt (I'm Learning Things)[edit | edit source]

Matt is a very popular fan because he is completely blind. His dad drove him over to be on episode 424: Blind Ambition. On the show Patrick is constantly worried that Matt might injure himself or something. After everyone gets comfortable, Patrick asked questions everyone would want to know from a blind man such as, "How do you masturbate? How do you use a computer? How do you find the bowl when you pee?".

Nick Starr[edit | edit source]

Originally, Nick appeared as a tech reporter for the show. Neither Nick nor Patrick took his reporting job seriously so he started becoming a regular guest. Nick started talking about his personal life, and revealed on an episode that he hadn't had sex in three years and hasn't had a girlfriend in a very long time. On a later show Nick talked about how a girl messaged him, claiming she was interested in him and would like to hook up. Patrick insisted that the girl was not real, while Nick continued to believe she existed. During this conversation Nick had said some lines that quite quickly became classic:

"She lives outside of Jacksonville, which is, just a train ride away from here" - In regards to how easy it would be for him to meet her.

"Ass everywhere, it's, awww, it's sooo hot" - Talking about her MySpace page and how she has many pictures with her rear on display.

It was later revealed that the "girl" was just a forum user who used a porn star's picture to fool Nick. During a live show, Patrick attacked Nick, who punched a box of donuts and left Patrick's house, slamming the door.

In August 2007, Nick posted thoughts about killing himself on his Twitter page. He has repeated the thoughts about killing himself onto his Twitter page and has even gone so far as offering his address to anyone who is willing to come around and kill him and posting 'KILL ME' repeatedly. On all occasions he has not followed through. Patrick speculated in episode 215 that Nick would never kill himself, and claimed Nick is nothing but an attention whore. Patrick has recently launched a new campaign via Twitter that is called: Do It Nick. The site refers to Nick's repeated attempts to kill himself, and is Patrick's way of taunting him for it.

Nick officially came out and has been living an openly gay lifestyle after moving to San Francisco in 2007, and is a semi-frequent contributor to the live shows, although it is unlikely he will return to the show as an in-studio guest.

  • He moved to Seattle in May 2011, where he has used his "gay-lebrity" status to immerse himself into the Seattle gay scene. Nick continues to discuss his personal life and behavior on social media networks such as Facebook and Twitter.

Richard Hobeiche[edit | edit source]

Hobeiche is one of the many Canadian NLO fans and he is the first listener to participate in the NLO experience. Hobeiche arrived in Burbank, California on February 2, 2011 and spent the weekend living the lifestyle of a professional LA comic and true NLO fan.

Live shows[edit | edit source]

File:Live show video format, June 16th, 2014.jpg
Patrick and D-Fritz banter about renting apartments in LA.

Prior to March 2006, NLO was distributed solely as a podcast. During live episodes, the show takes calls from fans who voice their opinions on segments. The callers have added a completely new dimension to the show. Callers will often call in to help in the ribbing of a particular host, comment on a story or topic in the news, ask the hosts to perform some kind of stunt, or just to flirt. At one point NLO also used a custom-built feedback system known as "TalkTrap", which allowed users to send messages directly to the studio via their website. Although this has since been removed due to the advancement in streaming technology.

In the beginning, the hosts were hostile to callers that had differing opinions. The show seems, however, to be learning to harness the humor in other viewpoints and make callers feel more welcome. Treatment of callers varies with Patrick's mood and how eloquent or interesting the callers as a whole have been; Patrick has been known to shut down the live feed altogether if the callers have been particularly detrimental to the show's flow.

In 2006, live shows went from an audio-only stream to video broadcast over [2] with three studio cameras. The current setup has four studio cameras and is available in whole on YouTube.

NLOL[edit | edit source]

NLOL (Nobody Likes Onions Live) is a yearly gathering where the hosts and friends of NLO have a few days worth of parties, events and a comedy show. NLOL 2007 took place in Tampa Florida as a one night comedy show, featuring Johnny B. and Patrick. In August 2008, the second NLOL took place in Las Vegas, Nevada. By then, the gathering had expanded from a single comedy show to a six-night stay in Vegas including a live recorded show as well as a stand up show featuring Patrick, Johnny and Roy. NLOL 2009 was held May 14–17 in Houston Texas and was one of the largest yet, featuring Patrick, Johnny, Jake and the stand-up debut of Brian King. A second NLOL 2009 was held for two weeks in New York City, London and Paris, where fans came out for a recording of live shows, as well as other scheduled events in Europe.

Notable segments[edit | edit source]

The show has several recurring features which reoccur at widely varying intervals. As the show has progressed into a more talk-oriented program, the clear distinction of segments has gone away and the show now contains more free-flowing conversational stylings.

There are also a number of running jokes, inside references, and allusions to NLO culture that might not be easily understood if one is not familiar with the show. Many of these jokes are conveyed through the copious use of sound clips programmed into a soundboard, many taken from pop-culture, movies, television, and past segments/guests of the show.

Caller Voicemail[edit | edit source]

NLO used to open with a short, often random voicemail from one of their fans. They lasted no more than a couple of minutes, but still set the tone for the show that ensued.

Is It Gay?[edit | edit source]

Guests or listeners will present a situation from their life, and the hosts and callers will then debate whether or not it can be interpreted as gay, usually culminating in a lot of joking and roasting of the presenter. Occasionally, a poll of the audience is taken live through the uStream listener feedback system.

P.O. Box[edit | edit source]

Listeners will send in various interesting items that are to be talked about, or food/drink items that become challenges for the hosts to consume. Past items include Japanese cola, alcoholic beverages, 15-year-old Crystal Pepsi, cookies, etc. Sometimes listeners will send in creepy or gross things to try to scare the hosts, such as cryptic letters, riddles, books and even pubic hair.

Cringe Moments[edit | edit source]

A segment in which Patrick discusses situations that make one want to cringe in disgust. Fans are encouraged to email or call in with their cringe fantasies. An example of a cringe moment would be taking a pair of toenail clippers, sliding them over your front teeth, and clamping down as hard as you can. And twisting, if you're feeling fancy.

Legacy segments[edit | edit source]

Bad Podcast of the Week[edit | edit source]

Early on, one of NLO's most well-known features was the Bad Podcast of the Week, in which Patrick chooses a podcast and delivers strongly worded, over-the-top criticism. Reaction from BPOW "victims" has been mixed, ranging from indifference to indignation, but all of the shows enjoyed higher traffic as a result. Some of the BPOW's have stirred up a great deal of discussion and provoked strong reactions.

One of the early bad podcasts in September 2005 was a vidcast of The Mary and Karla Show, whose hosts Melton mocked as "two manatees" and "fat cows." Mary and Karla retaliated a couple weeks later by reviewing the review.

In December 2005, NLO featured the podcast "Porcuponics" in its BPOW segment. During the course of the segment, Patrick directed some obscene comments toward a very young child. In the ensuing uproar, Patrick announced he was quitting the show. During his brief hiatus, Nick Starr and "Hollywood" Adam put out three episodes that were shorter than most, and were regarded by most fans as not up to the show's usual quality level, before Patrick returned to the program on Christmas Day, and retracted the statements as having gone too far.

Patrick also issued a letter of apology to the producers of Porcuponics, [3] but declined to edit or remove the show in question, saying that doing so would be lacking in integrity. As the show had been downloaded over 15,000 times by that point, it is doubtful that such actions would have had any effect if they had been taken.

Another podcast featured on the Bad Podcast of the Week segment created a wider uproar, when Patrick satirized Cruisin' With Susan on NLO. Susan Miller, a truck driver and the producer of Cruisin' with Susan, responded with a cease and desist order and threats of legal action, as well as comments on her own show and the introduction of a "good podcast of the week" segment on her show. Patrick declared that satirizing Susan's podcast would become a recurring feature (an assertion which soon fell through), with NLO showcasing Susan's latest podcast in a segment titled 'Snoozin' With Susan'. Miller followed through on her legal threats and later ceased producing her podcast after winning the lottery.

Johnny's Bit Idea of the Week[edit | edit source]

A recurring segment on NLO that started in late 2007. This segment consists of Johnny, a professional comedian, talking about his various ideas for 'bits' or jokes for his stand-up material. The ideas are either from Johnny, or from fans who write in with their own bit ideas for Johnny. The comedic value of the bit is either when Johnny has a bad bit, in which he is soon ridiculed for it by Patrick and Chef, or when the fans write in with a bad bit (to date, none have been taken seriously) and Patrick, Johnny, and Chef make fun of the bit, which is usually funnier than the joke itself.

Secret Segment[edit | edit source]

Running from the beginning of the show and eventually petering off between episode 60-90, the "Secret Segment" was a segment that only Patrick knew about. The secret segment would start out by Patrick saying "Hey Adam." in a conversational way. He would repeat this several times and scream "Secret Segment!", often cutting off Adam mid-response. The secret segment topics have ranged from comedian spotlight and "Adam Eat This" to Adam's mom telling stories about his childhood. One of the biggest secrets to ever be announced was "crull".

Scruples[edit | edit source]

Running regularly through shows 80 - 120, and occurring from time to time afterwards, this segment consisted of the hosts of the show pulling cards from The Game Of Scruples, and discussing the question, often taking callers on live shows and having them talk about the question. They also took listener submitted Scruples questions, some of which they took seriously, and some of which they mocked for not following the correct format of a Scruples question.

Million Dollar Questions[edit | edit source]

A segment that made a brief appearance in episode 232, this segment stemmed from a book that the show received in its P.O. Box, which consisted of questions like "Would you be a mime for a year for a million dollars?".

Johnny B. Tech Support[edit | edit source]

In this segment, Johnny offers somewhat ridiculous tech-support advice to listeners who call in with their questions and problems, such as fixing a broken Xbox 360 game console by wrapping it in a towel and throwing it into traffic.

Throw Johnny Under The Bus[edit | edit source]

A segment in which Johnny's self-esteem is exploited to bring hilarity to the show. Embarrassing or awkward situations that Johnny would rather not have discussed on air are laid out for all to be part of.

Super Alpha Bonus Club / Overdose[edit | edit source]

The Super Alpha Bonus Club, or "SABC" (pronounced "sab-see"), was the official fan club of NLO launched in March 2006. Joining the SABC allowed the listener to download movies (often filmed before or after regular shows but sometimes focused on the goings on outside of the show), pictures, bonus audio and also allowed access to the SABC forums where only other SABC members could post and which were hidden from the view of non-SABC members.

The pricing plan for the SABC was $10 a month or $100 for a yearly subscription.

After the arrival of the newly designed NLO Store, the store contained SABC gift packages that listeners could buy for other people.

During the 2 weeks leading up to St. Patrick's Day in 2008, there was a special offer available to purchase a 1-year subscription for only $60, and continue to pay $60 for each year until the person canceled their subscription. This offer was based around St. Patrick's Day due to a tie in with the name of the host, Patrick Melton.

Near the end of March 2009 Patrick announced that as of April 1, 2009 the SABC would no longer exist and would be replaced with a newer, bigger, and better fan club that was yet to be named. Those who were currently SABC members would continue to be referred to as such beyond the clubs dismantling. They would wear the title proudly in the future of NLO. Although this never happened as originally planned.

Patrick later revealed that he still planned on changing the SABC name, as well as how it operated. The new fan club would be entitled "Overdose" and would permanently replace the SABC, although you could keep your SABC title on the forums if you signed up before the introduction of the new club. It was due to open in March 2010 (four years after the launch of the SABC). On top of the regular bonus content, members of Overdose would also receive two extra shows per week via a secure RSS feed, bringing the weekly show count up to five instead of the publicly available three. Overdose eventually launched in December 2011, and although some of its content differs from the original plans, it has gone on to trump the SABC in both content and membership count.

In 2013, two new Overdose subscription options were introduced at the request of fans. In addition to the $10 a month and $100 a year options, a $20 a month and $30 a month option was added. In 2014, Patrick introduced a slogan for the Overdose - "The Overdose: It's Ten", referring to how the price is $10 a month.

In 2014, it was announced that the show was moving to a pay-only format. Current overdose members would likely see no change in billing and content delivery, but it was unclear whether the name would be retired. However, the pay-only format never launched.

The Fans[edit | edit source]

Nobody Likes Onions has listeners all over the world. The NLO fans are known for responding quickly to Patrick's comments and requests on the show. Fans, mostly young ones, have pulled pranks on podcasting and online poker rivals of Patrick. The term "NLO Army" was coined by forum users in November 2005 and has been largely adopted as the moniker of Nobody Likes Onions fans. Other names, such as the "NLO Ants", "NLO Faggots" and "Alpha Fans" have also been popular.

Departure to Los Angeles[edit | edit source]

On December 21, 2009, Patrick announced on the show that he was leaving Tampa to move to LA. Reasons for the move were so Patrick could pursue his career as a comedian, as well as to broaden NLO's audience, in the bigger city. This announcement meant several changes for the show. The current guests on the show would no longer be hosts, which included Johnny B, Chef and Dagre primarily. Since the move, Patrick has showcased new comedians and potential long term co-hosts for the show as well as more famous comedians, like Jamie Kennedy and Todd Glass. Certain guests that have begun to move into more co-host-like roles are Josh Denny and Cornell Reid. The move to LA has represented a new era for Nobody Likes Onions.

The Bort Language[edit | edit source]

Bort is a language which involves removing certain vowels and replacing them with an 'or' sound between the consonants. Some examples include, "Storborks" ~ Starbucks, "Jorsh Dorny" ~ Josh Denny, "Norbody Lorkes Orniorns" ~ Nobody Likes Onions, "Forcebork" ~ Facebook.

The language first appeared in episode 902 and exploded in popularity among fans.[3] Even today, the language is still used on occasion by Patrick and fans.

References[edit | edit source]

External links[edit | edit source]